lost with no where to go

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by erinwilburn, Jul 23, 2008.

  1. erinwilburn

    erinwilburn New Member

    i have been trying the best I can to play the part of the good little FMer. just doing the best they can. but I can not do it anymore. i am miserable. I cry myself to sleep every night. my knee has started giving out with out warning, which makes me scream out in pain. i can't drive, my hair is falling out, my mood changes from min to min and usually i am yelling but have no idea what about.

    i have no Dr and now no ins because I am not sick enough to qualify for government help. i jsu don't know what to do and how to do it. I have gotten a new fear of the phone. i refuse to use it because I just know I am going to say something stupid. my famliy is no help, my hubby who I love very much is going through a selfish phase and of course all attention is on him, which i like to a point because then I don't have to be polite and presant but his whiyning is frying my brain.

    my point is I need help where do I look or go to for help. I feel that at any second I am going to have a heart atack. i have been to 3 diffrent ERs and they all say the same thing..there is nothing we can do for you...
    thanks for letting me cry to you. love and info would bless my day so much!
  2. homesheba

    homesheba New Member

    seem like we cant 'do it' anymore.
    i know what you mean for sure.

    we get so stinking tired of trying to 'hold stuff' in and trying not to 'be a bother' to our families that finally i think we just IMPLODE!

    i came to realise that there is absoluty NO one that can understand what you go thru every minute,
    (except God of course)
    we may have a few around us that mght be kind or helpful to a point-
    but in the long run, we are alone.
    i am so sorry that your dh is being like that.
    so many men just dont know how to cope with illness,
    some do- but in my life, mine doesnt....
    i wish i could be there to be a friend to you ,
    my mom would say,'that this to shall pass'.

    some days are better than others,
    someday we will have a good day im sure.

    i am praying today you will have a good day.
  3. CKater

    CKater New Member

    No doctor and no insurance is hard. You say you don't qualify for government help, does that mean help from your county social services too? I know the pain you're talking about and it's just miserable. Do you have a heating pad? If not, you could at least try some hot towels and wrap them on your knee. Do you take at least ibuprofen for the pain? Husbands can be selfish, they're men, what can I say. not everyone understands the pain we go through, but all we can do is try the best we can is to take care of ourselves, so you have to try with all you have left to calm down and do the best you can to help yourself because it sounds like that's all you have right now. I really suggest you try the county social services at least, maybe someone there can help you, it's worth a try. Do you have a doctor? Or a friend that has a trusted physician that she's willing to help you get into? Please don't give up, I know it's hard, and I know the "I'm at my wit's end" feeling, but you have to try. You can get help somewhere. Keep us posted.
  4. erinwilburn

    erinwilburn New Member

    thank you for resonding! I know this too shall pass but I have to remind myself , in the Lords time not mine. thank you for your words of friendship. right now this is the one place I feel I can turn to. again thank you!
  5. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    I totally feel for you. I don't want to talk to people either because I know I'm saying stupid things too and then I worry about it later which drives me crazy. I feel like I'm about to have a heart attack all the time too, only now I don't get very scared anymore, I feel more like Redd Foxx from SANFORD AND SON, "I'm comin' Elizabeth." ~lol Seriously though, I'm ok with it, 'cause I don't like suffering all the time and I just know it's gonna be beautiful on the other side.

    I know people here have lots of ideas about how to find help from your community. I hope you can find good help.


  6. Honora88

    Honora88 Member

    Please look up Tong ren and give it a try. It's FREE.

    If I had to depend on alleopathic help, I would have been terribly depressed and anxious and have gone crazy.

    Tong ren gives you an alternative outlet and they never say we can't do anything for you. People can see the blockages and don't discount it but work on it.

    I really attrribute Tong ren to my improvement and my sanity.
  7. erinwilburn

    erinwilburn New Member

    i am greatful for all your sugestions. i spoke with the woman in charge of walfare for our church last month. she came to our house and spent an hour talking about herself and then preached to me about the benifit of just getting up and out of the house. i spoke maybe 10 words and she was gone. our clergyman sent me a list of scripture to read about laziness being the devils work so I don't think they get it.

    i used the list of Dr the ER has given me. I drove an hour away to a suposed pain clinic paid 75 per visit only to end with him telling me they don't treat chronic conditions. and my family Dr decided to tell me he couldn't perscribe narcodics long term. except for the fact that the specialization is hanging on his office wall.

    meds is a whole other story. I have tried everything from IBprofin to methadone and nothing works yet. Lyrica nearly killed me and steroid treatments through me for a loop.

    sorry I can't seem to find anything good to say right now so I will shut up. I haven't slept yet so ~ am going to try.

    thanks again for your help!
  8. texangal81

    texangal81 New Member

    The first thing I would do is find another church. Neither that woman or your pastor have a frickin' clue and it is a SIN that they get away with treating people like that. I was called lazy for so many years that I believed it. You AREN'T lazy, you are sick and you need a compassionate group of people caring for you.

    Yes, it is tough, my PCP sent me to a pain specialist who gave me neurotin and 20 Ambien and nothing else. I was so upset I could scream. I am NOT going back to him. Oh, and he told me the most important thing to remember is to 'keep my spirits up'. I called my PCP and complained about how unhappy I was with the visit and she had agreed to give me pain meds but only monthly and only the amount she decides to prescribe. It is better than nothing.

    My ex-fiance was without insurance for a few years and suffered from a lot of chronic pain. If it hadn't been for my Ultram, I'm sure he would have quietly checked out. I am so sorry that you have to suffer too. As for hubby, he needs a swift kick out the door! I know, that isn't a practical solution, I was fortunate enough to return to school when I was married so that when I left his sorry Arse (he was the one who called me lazy all of the time) I was able to get a job and take care of myself. Of course, now I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to work, isn't that the irony of it all!

    Vent all you want, that is what we are here for.

    Another Erin
  9. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    You mentioned that your hair is falling out which got me to wondering....are you possibly hypothyroid?

    This condition can cause depression, hair loss, fatigue, memory problems (I couldn't even tell you my phone number or count backwards from 10 before I was dx)

    I thought Fibro was bad until I went through a few months before my dx. Hypothyroid can be horrible.

    Is there anyway you can have the complete blood work up done for this?


  10. lsaxton65

    lsaxton65 New Member

    i'm sorry to hear that you are going throigh a bad time right now:( I guess alot of fm'ers are right now. I know this is the case with me. I think what gets me down the most and makes me crazy is trying to deal with the people who don't understand, but have a solution for everything that is wrong with you. "just get out...you'll feel better", "I have pain too! You don't see me whining", "just get over it!"

    These people put a guilt trip on me which is why i try to steer clear of them or ignore them. My boyfriend which i live with almost kicked me out his past weekend because he was being selfish and saying that i don't do anything with him anymore and i don't pay attention to him and alot of other things liking my lack of cooking.

    I was actually thinking that getting kicked out wouldn't be so bad because i wouldn't have to listen to his selfish bickering which is stressful for me and makes my condition worse. I would live in my car if it meant i could have some peace, but i have a daughter fixing to graduate and it would be alittle tough on her.

    It sounds like you just need a break to get your mind on track...i know that helps a lot for me

    good luck and ((((((fibro hugggggssss)))))))


  11. msbsgblue

    msbsgblue Member

    Have you checked to see if you state has a state insurance program. I pay $30. a month for full coverage.
  12. erinwilburn

    erinwilburn New Member

    sorry if my reply is weird I have a hard time remembering what I wanted to say.
    I was on my state ins. but they said I no longer qualify, but couldn't tell me why.

    about hyperthiroidism: I had the blood work done in April and I was fine. but I can see that it may be what is wrong. is it a level that can change quickly. I'll do some research.

    about my hubby: he has been going through his own crap. he was on Topamax which turned him into a zombie and almost got him kiked out of school. the best thing about our mariag is that we comunicate well. he is in counceling and trying to work through things. he is the youngest child and I am the oldest which would work great if I were not sick. I love him and he is trying.

    about my church: I haven't been able to go in a year and the pastor is a lawyer so he is not a compationate man but very smart. the wefare woman is just stupid but we do have some sweet sisters I just have to get the guts to talk to them.

    ya know I am learning that I am my worst enemy somtimes. my brain is keeping me from getting the help I need. instead I have to have someone else do it for me.

    thanks for all the help and letting me vent. i hope any of this makes sense.
  13. VistaDeNada

    VistaDeNada Guest

    Erinwilburn Darlin' I know exactly what you are talking about! My knee was x-rayed because I was in excruciating pain and it went out on me unexpectedly -- a lot. They said 'maybe a little arthritic' but nothing major showed on the x-ray (of course). They said to alternate ice and heat on it. Right. Like I'm going to be able to get up and down every 3 minutes for an hour to change some ice bag and hot towel (Ha!) And they gave me ibuprofen, which didn't touch the pain with a ten foot pole.

    Here's what worked for me... I limped to the drug store and for $12 got a pretty blue Neoprene Knee Brace, large enough to fit comfortably over my chubby knee. I couldn't use it all the time because of circulation issues, but I put it on in the morning and wore it for as long as I could, then took it off for a few hours, then put it back on, and so on. Sometimes I went to sleep with it on and took it off when I woke up to go potty in the middle of the night. Boy did it help! Such a relief! It kept my knee from having a mind of its own and it actually healed itself over a short period of time. It's been over a year and my knee, while feeling arthritic still, doesn't scream bloody murder or threaten to snap anymore. Also, aleve is the only store-bought pain reliever that works well for me, so I use a double dose of that when things ache bad. I'd rather have vicodin, but then I'd probably get addicted, so perhaps it's a blessing my doctor doesn't prescribe it.

    And I agree with the person who said GET A NEW CHURCH! Years ago I was in the hospital after a suicide attempt and I called my church and asked to have a visit from someone. I didn't have my Bible with me and there were no Christian pastors available to the psych ward. Days went by and no visit from my church. After I got out I called them and was told that they were too busy and "we only go out to visit people with real illnesses." (Father forgive them, they know not what they do.) Aint none of us perfect, especially husbands, so have some patience with him and with yourself.

    If you have a good READABLE bible, read at least a paragraph a day. It's a balm to your soul. And it will stop some of your hair from falling out =) If you don't have one, privately email me your shipping address and I will send you one of mine.

    I'm going to stop right here, before I get all fibro and say stupider things. =) I just really want to say "Hang in there!"

    [This Message was Edited on 07/24/2008]
  14. roseants

    roseants New Member

    Everyone here knows how you feel and what you are going through. I went many years w/o insurance, it is very difficult. I know everyone is different and different htings work for different people, but a ribose supplement (CorvalenM) really worked wonders for me. It didn't help the pain, at all, BUT it really helped tclear the cobwebs out of my brain. I still feel stupid from time to time and typing is a real challenge some times, but overall I am much more clear-headed sime I started the ribose. I've been on it for two and a half years. If i go without it, I flare really bad.
    That 'heart attack feeling?' may be a panic attack, I get them when I am flarin up, I take a couple of homeopathic 'Calms Forte' and it helps to settle my mind a bit. That "where do i go, what should I do' feeling can overwhelm us.
    My prayers are with you!

    Remember that EVERYTHING in life, even life itself, is temporary. nothing (good or bad) is permanent.
  15. Debra49659

    Debra49659 New Member

    you have already been given so much good advice that i can't think of a thing to add...other than my support:)

    i am sending some ((((gentle hugs)))) your way.


  16. lurkernomore

    lurkernomore New Member

    And I will be the first to admit it, all churches are NOT created equal! The church you were/are (?) attending has let you down, and in a major way. It is one thing to have some members of the congregation doubt you. But when the "welfare lady" and the pastor both let you know that your illness is the devil's work, or it is due to laziness, I'm sorry, it's time to seek support from a church with more compassion and God's love.

    My hub, (the deacon) has this weird thing he does. When he is at church and someone asks him how I am doing, he usually just keeps it very short and says "she's not having a good day at all." Or he says "she is very tired and run down and the worst thing is, she won't be getting over it, she just has to live with it." If someone asks if they should call or visit me, he tells them he will check with me first and get back to them.

    He is a gem and my very best advocate. But if I didn't have him and I were in your position, honey, I don't know what I would do either. But I do know that if church family is important to you, then you really do need to ask around and try to locate one where the pastor and his employees/volunteers are not so judgemental. Church is a wonderful resource and I would be lost without mine. But in your case, and it almost makes me cringe to say it, I think yours is doing you more harm than good.

    In the meantime, is there a support group nearby that you can attend when you are physcially able? You really do need to be able to vent to someone, heck, every one of us does. If not a RL support group, feel free to come here, post, and we'll do our best to encourage you and lift you up. We're all sick too, which means we *get it* albeit, we may tend to be slow to reply. But never doubt for a second that we feel your pain, your heartbreak and your isolation. We'll be here for you. And that's a promise.
  17. swollen

    swollen New Member

    I been with one health care insurance for 11years 4yrs thru one job and 7 thru my employer now I just transfer to another location but same job they told me since I'm just transfering all my rates and benefits wil follow me then after I put in my 2weeks notice they tell me they don't cary my insurance. So I dropped my health care insurance and took my job insurance.Now I make a appointment with one of my job pain management Dr. I tell him basicly I want to get some blood work done cause of my prior test from my othr physician was not good ,he only specialize in pain management not other stuff right so I tried to make another appointment with a ppc and they can't see me for 3-4 months from now . So I decided to call a hospital I was born at and checked if my insurance take physicians from that hospital and it does,So I call make an appointment they fit me in with in 2 weeks from today(smile) Woe I was worried for a minute that I would not have a Dr. when I get a bad flare.and I always had a hard time with family services so I been a nurse assistant since 1995 and still working as a pcna full time even when I got diagnose with ths crazy fibro, osteoarthritis IBS, restless arm syndrome I don't have the restless leg syndrome I have the arms but no one really talks about that! I hope I did not bore you with my life story and god bless you and I hope you get the help you need and don't give up and keep searching you will find the care and help you need.everyone on here gave you some blessing advice I pray that you get your medicine and all other needs for you.
  18. JoFMS

    JoFMS New Member

    Hi Erin,

    I remember going through a similar phase and it is horrible to feel like that. The good news is though - it will get better.

    I was very depressed at some stage and once I had gone through that and hit rock bottom - afterwards I had the feeling I could do anything and learned new appreciation for life.

    I don't see doctors anymore - they only make me emotionally worse.

    Please try to look at it as something you are going through like a challenge and how over time it will get better. Its really hard when you feel like you do to see that but remind yourself.

    I guess you have tried tramadol for the pain? It's the only painkiller that helps me and the only thing I see doctors for.

    Have you read www.stopthethyroidmadness.com? It's very informative and also shows how the tests can be wrong about your thyroid.

    It must be hard to struggle without money too but do you take any supplements? I believe I am recently on a road to recovery after 5 years of being very sick from fibro and CFS.

    Do you have anything you enjoy doing? Is it sunny where you are? I find just sitting out in the sun for 10mins a day or more helps for my mind and warms my muscles up too and helps the pineal gland to function to help with sleep.

    Do you have a digital thermometer? If you do, you might want to look at taking your temperature and looking up Dr Rind's temperature graph. If you can take your temperature 3 x a day according to his recommendations and take it every day and record a temperature graph then you can have some idea of how your adrenals and thyroid are functioning - this has been incredibly useful to me and mine are now both stable which also helps with emotions. There is also a list on his site about symptoms you can answer yes or no to to establish if you have adrenal and thyroid probs or just one. Most of us have both or at least one due to our pituitary gland not functioning.

    I believe its important to learn what's going on in our body in order to recover. I now take my temperature, blood pressure, weight etc regularly.

    I wish I could help you stop feeling this way as it's awful to go through this but try to concentrate on what you can do to get better rather than how to live with this illness (which seems impossible). I have never been able to 'cope' but find it easier now I am getting better.

    Do you do stretches for your knee?

    Do you have mercury fillings?

    What are your main symptoms at the moment?

    I also have phone phobia and just don't answer it anymore. Perhaps you can leave a message on there to say if urgent to call your husband or maybe this isn't possible with the way things are?

    I really want to help so please ask any questions, we are all there for you, you don't have to feel alone.