lousy ex-doc finaly got me psychologist apointment - should I go?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Shannonsparkles, Jan 22, 2006.

  1. Shannonsparkles

    Shannonsparkles New Member

    It's booked in for this Tuesday. I've been on the waiting list to see this lady for four months now. It would have been three, but at the very last moment my old doctor had to go on vacation, and so I was pushed back a month. I had forgotten that there had even been an appointment scheduled, so it didn't bother me much, but it's not proffessional.

    Reasons to not go:
    1. It's in the morning. This will make me incredibly sick if I go, and I am not just immagining that! The air in there is stuffy and chemical and I can't think worth a darn after five minutes sitting in there, and I would have to sit in the waiting room for 15 minutes filling out forms before I could even talk to the woman. So, she would either see me in too-tired-to-count-as-human-and-be-able-to-speak form, or falsely chipper, wired into overdrive from because my sick body has been forced to run on adrenaline that I can't afford to use because I have placed it in a situation it can't cope with. I can't get up before 1pm these days, but for this appointment, I would have to be up around 9am. Anything that throws my sleep schedule makes me sicker for weeks.

    2. The doctor will be sitting in on part of the appointment. This is the doctor (my FORMER doctor) that said I need a boyfriend, I am too young to have this disease, I don't need to take suppliments, the body can heal on its own, who wrote in my records that I suffer from "mental fatigue", and said that I am sick because I 'think I am different from other people.' Her name is Raj, so I have nicknamed her The Raging Raj because she is so retarded and has been so terribly damaging to me. I feel I cannot get a fair hearing with any psychologist who has talked to her before talking to me.

    3. I am afraid of more mental abuse. I am afraid that the shrink will be a nut herself, and just tear me up.

    4. I am too ill to undertake counselling in any form anyway. I am housebound every day (except one hour a week for acupuncture) and I am as able to have a conversation as your average garden vegetable is. My memory is so poor that I can't even follow a long sentence somebody says or remember what happened to me this week without checking my journal.

    Reasons to go:
    1. I have never met a psychologist before. I am curious about people and gregarious, and would love to talk about myself - if I were physically able to do so.

    2. I would feel like a wuss if I passed on this. It would be a crummy feeling to have to pass up one more thing I would like to try because of my physical limitations.

    There's the pro's and cons. More cons, now that I look at it. I think I have so little to gain by going, and so much at risk. I am really very ill, and frankly, just with the physical demands of the visit, it would be dumb of me to go.

    Please tell me what you think. I feel like I can't handle more stress now, physical or mental or emotional.
    [This Message was Edited on 01/23/2006]
  2. Smiffy

    Smiffy Member

    Why do you need to see a psychologist about a physical illness? It sounds as if it would be damaging to your health to attend & my advice would be to avoid seeing one at all costs.

    You are not too young for this; children have CFS/FMS! To say that you 'need a boyfriend' is incredibly offensive & demeaning. Of course you are 'different from other people; most people don't have excruciatingly painful & extremely fatiguing illness. Your 'mental fatigue' is only one symptom of your genuine illness.

    It sounds as if you have moved on with relief from a doctor who was abusing you instead of treating your illness. Is there a local support group who could recommend a sympathetic doctor for you to register with?

    I am about as ill as you & saw a senior psychologist some years ago. Getting there was a nightmare, & she expected me to sit upright & listen to her for an hour. She became very annoyed that I couldn't ever remember the beginning of her long sentences. She spoke down to me as if to a naughty child. She told me I didn't need my cane or wheelchair. She seemed to think I was imagining all my symptoms. Her ill-informed advice was ridiculous & I chose to ignore it & follow instead the advice of a knowlegdgable physiotherapist.

    Hugs to you! Don't go!
  3. Shannonsparkles

    Shannonsparkles New Member

    I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. It's very hard to believe in ourselves when the "experts" don't. When a doctor or anyone tells me something wrong or stupid about me and my illness, I believe then because I am too tired to think straight or fight back. It's not till later when I get home and can think again that I realise they were wrong.

    Lastnight I decided I would cancel the appointment and just be booked in later. So when my old doctor's office called me to remind me of the appointment, I said, what's the next available time. "May 16," they told me. "Okay..." I said. May? I thought as I was hanging up the phone, well, that's four months from now! I will be 24 YEARS OLD by the time she can get to me. lol So I thought, gotta slug it out and go... but in the time it took me to think about it and call back, they had already booked someone else for that day. It really is for the best though. I feel so woozy even lying down. And dad came into the computer room briefly after I called and said something about what groceries to buy... I think... and I realised that I couldn't even follow what he was saying or figure out what he wanted me to do... later I guessed he meant that he'd be getting groceries later and do I want something. You're right, I just can't do it now. I would be sitting there just going 'duh' for an hour while my body shrivles up because I'm asking too much of it. Thank you for writing your experience Smiffy!

    Thanks too for the support on the "boyfriend" thing. I guess I am right to feel bothered by it. She said it more than once too. And get this - the day whe wrote "mental fatigue" in my records I was all but passed out just from sitting up in her waiting room, and had to lie down on the examination table hardly able to speak coherently and close to tears for the whole appointment because I was so beat tired, and due to all the noises and chemiclal smells in the place.

    I do have a lot of trauma in my life, and ever since I was a teenager have wanted to have a good counsellor to work some things out with. Ironically, the counsellors I had in elementary school after my mom died were more damaging to me than anything else ever was, including my mom's death. They made me feel ashamed of myself, different, inferior, and stupid... finally I clammed up and stopped letting my personality come through and stopped interacting with other kids, burried down my emotions, and THEN, when I was nothing more than an automation and a shadow, they stopped thinking I was having problems. They finally left me in peace, after all that. I had been identified as a 'gifted' child, and they were showing me flashcards of happy faces and frowny faces to see if I could tell the difference, talking over me, invalidating everything I said and everything I felt and believed. I could tell you stories about this that would make your skin crawl. This was from the age of 8 to 12. I know they messed me up, because even though my mom had died, before they got to me, I was still making friends, being social, being myself and having fun. I stood out in a group and people liked and trusted me. I was the shell of a soul by the time these counsellors were done with me. And I had lost my social skills and any sense of self-worth. This was done without my dad's knowledge or permission, so illegally, I guess; and I was always tought to be obedient, so I never said anything to protest, even though I wanted more than anything for them to stop! Dad actually knew the counsellor lady they were using through his church, and she was known as a nutcake herself.

    Thanks for letting me get some stuff off my chest.

  4. Shannonsparkles

    Shannonsparkles New Member

    On my first week in middle school, far away from that terrible counsellor of my elementary scool years, they called me into a counsellor's office again. But I would NOT let myself be caught this time. I waited through the usual dribble, and finally, glancng up from her clip board, she got to saying, "I see here it says your mom died." This was the moment I had been waiting for. I knew how to break the cycle.

    So, right on cue, I smiled hugely (stupidly)and spouted this dumb line: "Yep, it was sudden. But, like I say, no goodbyes, only GOOOOOD memories!!!!!" And I kept my grin on. I scooped that line straight from an old Star Trek episode. Luckilly the shrink had not been a Trekkie. So, since I SEEMED just fine, she never spoke with me again! But I've gotta say here, she must have not been very smart to buy that.

    I felt validated that I had handled the situation correctly when my younger brother told me his experience with the same counsellor. She got the the part of, "your mother died," he looked sad and was bothered by it, AND SO she called him back to pick at him some more. He wasn't thrilled either.

    I felt so FREE that day!! I could come out of my shell and start acting like myself again - not that I remembered very well who I was, but now I could have a try at it. I made three good friends that year, and excelled in all my classes - except math. ;) I feel I have been rebuilding myself. And finally, after all those years of elementary school torture, my nightmares stopped.
    [This Message was Edited on 01/23/2006]
  5. GBHope

    GBHope New Member

    I'm glad you aren't trying to go now. Sounds like a lot of stress. I don't think I would go to that psychologist anyway since it is one that your old doctor sent you too and he is supposed to sit in on the appt. Forget that, especially after the things he said to you. I have a very caring psychologist that I go to every so often. I only see her a couple of times a year because I can't afford to go all the time, but she is very understanding and I really like her. She helped me with my disability too that was under review. I have been on disability since 1996. I'm so sorry too that you had a not so great experience at this point with the FFC protocol. Unfortunately, there have been a few people lately that couldn't handle it or backslid. I can't even afford to go them and just my luck, I wouldn't be able to tolerate it either. I'm pretty sensitive. I have to go at things really slow. How long have you been sick? I remember in the beginning being really chemically sensitive. Not so bad now, but still some. You take care of yourself. I understand how that horrible fatigue can be. There have been a few appts in my day that were lying down appts too. LOL. I am woozy so very much of the time. It really sucks. Hope you feel better soon.

    GBHope (Ginny)
  6. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    The whole set up sounds very intrusive to me. Why should the doctor be sitting in? Did you consent to this? Be careful, as doc could be looking for some sort of confirmation.

    It sounds as if you really don't have much to gain. Have you been diagnosed with mental illness? It sounds as if they are presuming this without good foundation. This is unfair and unethical. Are they suggesting you go so you can get on disability via them? I would certainly not trust the Raj as she sounded as if she made a lot of very unprofessional, invalid guesses about your health instead of referring you or testing properly. You could ask for a telephone consult with the psych. explaining your times that you can talk. Good counselors always know about morning and evening people. You could ask her why you were referred, and why this doctor wants to sit in.

    I am concerned you are feeling so ill and suffering so much and maybe could use a good doctor though. One who will see you as a person with a real illness. Any chance of that? Do you have a friend who could recommend better doc? Or do you already have one? Did you just give up on medical profession? If you take supplements, you may want to find a really good nutritionist who can test your blood for deficiencies etc and tell you exactly what you may need. It is true that we can overdo supplements and make our kidneys and livers overwork and cause side effects. Of particular concern are essential oils as the skin, which after all is the largest organ of the body, absorbs these very strong oils very rapidly. Does your acupuncturist have anyone they can recommend? Years ago when I was terribly ill and people kept saying it was in my mind, even sent me to a shrink,even though I was clinical Psych.) turned out I had giardia and crypto and yeast too. Have you had a stool test?

    Go with your gut feelings. You made a good posting and you really can put a sentence together well, maybe people like these have undermined your confidence in yourself. Good luck and be kind to yourself and beleive in yourself. I hope I have helped and not been too outspoken. Love Crom
  7. jake123

    jake123 New Member

    My counselor is a psychiatrist. He prescribes AD, sleep meds, and migraine meds. He also talks and listens. He really has helped me.
  8. hopeful4

    hopeful4 New Member

    Shannon,
    I'm so glad that you cancelled tomorrow's appointment. It just did not feel right at all for you. You made the right decision.

    Not only are you physically ill, but also you have experienced trauma at such a young age, and the counselors that have met with you harmed and did not help you! Shame on them!

    What can help you the most at this time? What will help you to de-stress? What has worked for you in the past?

    How about something very gentle like Reiki? I have found that very helpful.

    Can you listen to some relaxation or guided imagery tapes, like before you fall asleep at night, or during the day when you rest.

    Every tried Bach flower remedies? Also very gentle. Maybe some Rescue Remedy?

    Deep breathing? Are you able to do anything like gentle yoga or qigong?

    Then there's the medical help that you need, and that sounds like it's been a rough road there, too. I think I read that you have Lyme. Lyme can wreak such havoc on us, including neurologically, mentally, psychiatrically.

    If you are not satisfied with your Dr., or with FFC, can you find a LLMD in your area? You can look on lymenet dot org or on canlyme dot org.

    Just know that here we all care about you, and want the best for you, and hope that you soon find the help that you need to feel much better.

    Hugs,
    Hopeful4