Making Love with Hubby

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by FibroJo, Oct 19, 2005.

  1. FibroJo

    FibroJo New Member

    This seems to be a problem with me. I can get in the mood and try to make love and then boom, my back goes into spasms or I start to feel dizzy. Does anyone else share this problem and how do you cope with it or rectify it?
  2. FibroJo

    FibroJo New Member

  3. Kat_in_Texas

    Kat_in_Texas New Member

    I don't share the same problem about being in the mood and then hurting during the course of lovemaking. I don't even get that far so I wouldn't know if sex causes more pain in my body. I am so exhausted and achy most evenings that even thinking about making love is too much for me. Add to that the negative aspects of menopause which cause making love to be more difficult even on a good day.

    My husband is very affectionate and we hold hands while we watch television, cuddle, etc. but frankly neither of us seems to want to initiate sex anymore. It's been almost 14 months since we've made love.

    I've been wondering if I should talk to my doc about this. Any suggestions anyone?

  4. FibroJo

    FibroJo New Member

  5. piebear

    piebear New Member

    I don't know how much help I can be here but I'll try...

    I don't get dizzy during sex (I do afterwards sometimes) but my back has gone into spasms a few times, usually when I'm on top. We just switch positions if that happens. The less work my back has to do the better. I seem to do better though if I'm very relaxed and not stressing the whole thing.

    My main problem is pain during intercourse which very much sucks cause there isn't a whole lot I feel I can do about that. I have noticed a few times I faired better when I was very much in the mood and super relaxed. Could have been a fluke though cause it doesn't happen often.

    And, if all my muscles were in better shape I would probably have an easier time. (I'm very out of shape at the moment).

    Sometimes I just tell myself I can't do it and that's ok.
    Thats where I'm so thankful I have such a sweet understanding husband. =)

    Talking to your Gynecologist would probably help too. I've been checking in with mine but so far haven't found out much. (We're still working on it).
    [This Message was Edited on 10/19/2005]
    [This Message was Edited on 10/19/2005]
    [This Message was Edited on 10/19/2005]
  6. JPach007

    JPach007 New Member

    I'm in the exact same boat as kat-in-texas. My husband isnt understanding though. He also sleeps in the "guest room" most nights because I toss, turn, kick, toss my arms, throw myself down when I roll over...etc etc...
    I used to go to sleep at 10 pm, lately its 8:30-9 pm..
  7. browneyes259

    browneyes259 New Member

    I agree with Kat_in_texas and piebear. If I can manage to get in the mood which is pretty much never I have always had a lot of pain during intercourse.

    You can try talking to your gyno's and I wish you the best of luck, but all I've ever heard is....have a glass of wine, read a dirty novel, there's nothing wrong with you.....all very helpful as you can imagine.

    Anyway, my poor hubby, is so supportive and understanding but does have a difficult time with this particular problem. I feel so guilty sometimes, but I can't do what I can't do.

    Anyway, thanks fibrojo for starting this thread. It's nice to know others struggle with this too.

    Hugs to all!
    Jen
  8. tngirl

    tngirl New Member

    I'm very lucky that making love doesn't cause pain. I do know that my sex drive has decreased. It hasn't really caused a problem though because I used to "be in the mood"
    more often than my husband!

    Gee Kristie, Hours? Wow! I'm impressed. Of course if you were hurting, hours would be a bad thing:)
  9. elsa

    elsa New Member


    Sorry you are struggling with this. This is one area most do not want to sacrifice to fibro!

    Are you taking any anti-depressants? One of their side effects and most sited reason for stopping treatment with AD's is sexual side effects.

    They can put the lights out on libido/desire and sometimes contribute to disfunction.

    Do you have a rx for muscle relaxers? Taking a small % of your dose prior to could help prevent spasms.

    I honestly don't have problems with fibro pain during intimacy, ... or after for that matter. Too many pain killing endorphins floating around!

    Hormones can cause this to happen too. Many of them in fact. Not just the "female" hormones, but others less taked about where women are concerned, like testosterone. It this one is low, it can crash libido.

    Fibro does a number on the endocrine system. You can put the FFC in the search or hormones and come up with more information. Low DHEA can affect libido too.

    I hope this helped some and things get better for you.

    Elsa





    [This Message was Edited on 10/19/2005]
  10. Grandma6

    Grandma6 New Member

    I too am thankful that you started this thread because it is not an easy subject to talk about especially when you feel like you are really letting your spouse down. I honestly think it is all the meds that interfere with me getting in the mood. It truly breaks my heart that I can not give my husband what I want to. I love him so dearly and I am so blessed to have such an understanding husband. When we do make love he is constantly asking me if I'm okay or if I am in pain. I believe this affects our love making also because he is so worried about hurting me. This DD has taken so much away from me and this is one of the things that upsets me the most but as I said I am so blessed to have an understanding spouse.

    Grandma6
  11. emiltim

    emiltim New Member

    I was never in the mood, and I hated to be touched! No hand holding, cuddling, etc. Of course this may have had a lot to do with marital problems...Anytime he would touch me, it would hurt ( he thought the FM was all in my head).

    I had a boyfriend this past year, and loved cuddling with him....hmmm...
  12. Mareeok

    Mareeok New Member

    ....love making was fine. In fact whatever the chemical is that is released during sex (I forget) would make the pain go away for about 15 minutes afterwards.

    Can you talk with your hubby about it and experiment to find ways that don't hurt?

  13. hartogold

    hartogold New Member

    Hi Kat;
    It was like reading about my hubby and I when I read your post. If you want some suggestions, check out my post under "Frequent Urinary Tract Infections" on the board.

    Good luck,
    Sandy
    hartogold
  14. hartogold

    hartogold New Member

    Howdy;
    Sane here! Check out my response on the "Frequent Urinary Tract Infections" post earlier this evening. Maybe it'll help. Good luck. I totally understand what you're going through. It's also hard to get in the mood when you're thinking about what kind of pain you're going to experience during and after.
    Take care,
    Sandy
    hartogold
  15. Jilldear

    Jilldear New Member

    Hi fibrojo!

    Just thought I might have a suggestion, a few others did also. A Valium or something similar to it so that you are GREATLY RELAXED, taken a half hour or so before, is very
    helpful.

    I have put up with the vaginal pain all my married life, just have learned to live with it. Sometimes worse than
    others, but I can still "try" to enjoy! Good Luck !!!!!!
  16. lease79

    lease79 New Member

    Sinus Tachycardia, Dizzy Spells, Genital pain, hip locking, knees giving out. Sex is not an easy thing to accomplish by an means & the day after I usually feel like I've been hit my a semi :(
  17. chp1298

    chp1298 New Member

    I know I am late on the chat but just read it. My hubby has health issues also. We had a wonderful sex life prior to our illnesses. He was still in the mood always until the last few months. His back is bad and he is taking many drugs and is depressed. (He is disabled due to neck injury for 8 yrs). Doc yesterday gave him ZOloft, I hope it helps. But anyway now he is never in the mood and he says even with the viagra he is having erectile problems. This depresses him SOOO much. I told him it was find not to worry abt it. I even told him I was glad to not worry abt it anymore(which is a lie). I miss it so much,that closeness and he does too. It makes him feel like he isnt a man anymore. I told him it will pass and that I did nt marry him for sex but for who he is but he is the most depressed I have ever seen him. I dont know if I should try to initiate sex to make him feel better but then if he physical cant it will just make him feel worse.

    The last few years we have had to chnge out positions becaue of my pain and he cant do certain things anymore but we had found a way. I hurt for him and dont really know what to do. He is diabetic,knee replacement,rod in neck and bad back.

    It is so nice to be able to actually say these things to some one. This site is so great!
  18. chp1298

    chp1298 New Member

  19. FibroJo

    FibroJo New Member

  20. desertstars

    desertstars New Member

    I am absolutely exhausted most evenings. In my marriage it has been a habit that I am usually on top ( blushing). I do not have the strength to make love and on top of that I experience the same spasms. I tell my husband daily how much I value him,love him and that I still find him very attractive. I think i would find a little stored up energy if I heard the same statements from him.
    I have taken hot showers prior to being intimate and that has helped somewhat. Does anyone have any suggestions for our love lifes,or lack thereof ?