Making Loved One's Understand.........

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lisajo42, Feb 4, 2006.

  1. lisajo42

    lisajo42 New Member

    I am sure it isn't just me. I have three girls, two of which are 18 and 17. They just do not understand my bad days, where it hurts all over, and I just want to stay in bed. I actually think the girls resent my illnes.....HECK,
    I DO TOO! Any advice on this topic and have you all had the same experience?
  2. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    Some days I feel as if I need to kick myself in the backside and get moving......but I can not! It is hard to believe for ourselfs at times. It is good that you realize that your loved ones might feel this way.

    In the search Box (leaving on title).enter SPOONS........also later LETTER TO NORMALS......there is another that is really powerful but I am not remembering the name of it.....Who remembers it?......the one that says they are out there,,,,and anyone might be affected..oh, not saying it right.....

    Anyhow they can read these.....just leave the copies out and ask that they read it, it should help.
    Good Luck and Blessings................Susan
    [This Message was Edited on 02/04/2006]
  3. debfee11

    debfee11 New Member

    I have 2 childre 30 & 25 and a husband. NO ONE gets this. Oh my husband gets it sometimes but trufully most of the time he doesn't act like he understands. Anyway that is why I have now started to LIE to the kids & friends and tell them that I not only have the FM and arthritis but that I have LYME disease. It has helped quite a bit with some understanding especially because no one really ever heard of or understand FM believing that it is in our heads. I know it's crummy to have to resort to this but there is no other way for me . Remenber if you do do the same, make sure only your hubby might know the truth and just stick to your story forever. You'll see how much more respect you will get for your ailments. Sucks doesn't it? Hope whatever you try, it will make them understand how misirable you are. Luv debness XXX
  4. minimonkey

    minimonkey New Member

    Have you been tested for Lyme? It is looking like that is actually what is wrong with me, after years of fibro suffering... you could be telling the truth and not even realise it!!

    And -- I hear what you are saying, loud and clear! I don't think anyone can understand chronic pain and illness unless they have lived in ours shoes. I think my hubby is finally *starting* to understand -- he let me off the hook for a 5 hour social gathering this evening, without too much guilt...
  5. debfee11

    debfee11 New Member

    I'm new on computer. THANKS for telling how to go to the "search" thingy. I did and OH MY GOD!! What a terrific way to explain. I'm going to edit it with FM (instead of Lupus) and pass it out! Also I was tested a long time ago for Lyme and at this point without insurance it doesn't even matter if I have it or not. Thanks for your question . love Debness XXX
  6. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I to have 3 daughters who are 28, just got married this past August and lives with my Mom. Then I have a 24 year old who is a nanny in Ct. And the youngest is 21 and is married and has the cutest baby boy .

    But as to them beliveing that there is something really wrong with me they don't belive that. I am just faking it I have been told , also that I do this to get attention. Right. Like I would fake this, yep that is why I walk like a duck, with stiff knees and achey back ,just to fake it.

    Even more than not wanting to understand this fibro my girls compare me to other people who have fibro some they have read about in a magizine. But what gets them the most is that I take narcoitc pain pills and they HATE THAT. Either I take to much and I really don't need it I get the lectures Mom , your really just addicted to your meds and you take to much of them because you sleep all day long and stay up at night. I have learned to just not say any thing about it to any of them.

    My youngest has more empathy and understanding since she has had her baby. She had a tough time in labor. And she learned what pain was. But for her it had a end and she got something for having that kind of pain. My grandson.
    She will listen to me whine and moan a bit but heavens don't cry around her she hates that from me.

    My husband KNOWS that I am ADDICTED to the pain pills. It does not matter what I say and he hates the doctor I go to. And he has never ever met him but because he gives me pain pills and does not have me doing phyical therapy , my hubby feels like he is just giving me drugs and does nothing to try and get me off the pills. I used to love to do deep end water arobics but the city closed the indoor pool and the closest pool is about 10 miles away and offers clases at 5 am and I am sorry but I am alseep at that time of morning.

    And i will not get up at 4:30 so that I can get up dressed and off to the pool only to have to race home to give the hubby the car so that he can go to work. I Liked our p ool as it offered night classes and I loved doing it. but just as I was getting in a routine I had to have my gall bladder out and by the time I could exercise the pool has been shut down do to it's old age.

    Any way your daughters sound alot like mine do so are you sure that have not met ?LOL I am in Utah , where it has snowed today and rained and now it is just cold. I am going to bed now but when I read your post I had to write as I know how you feel. I have not told them that I have lymes but I have told them what I do have besides the fibro. Degenerative disc diease, spinal stenosis, buldging discs, athritis in my knees and left wrist, chronic myeofacial pain syndrome, that is another that they go what ? And don't understand it either so I don't tell them anymore how I feel. And I don't take my pain meds around them either.
    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS TO YOU}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
    Rosemarie
  7. minimonkey

    minimonkey New Member

    I often wonder if some of the reason people (not doctors, but others) deny the existence of these dds is that it is just too scary to think about the fact that they could be real....if it can happen to us, it could happen to them....
  8. rbecca47

    rbecca47 New Member

    I know how you feel, even though my kids do understand, i have had them read up on the symptoms, and try to explain, there are days, that they think i should be albe to do what i used to do. Now it is hard for me just to clean my house, i used to spend 12hrs a day at work, and then clean house, and cook a full dinner. but not any more, it is a blow to my self esteem, but i know that being in a major flare, that i can't do it any more, when my kids lay on the guilt trip i bring out the letter to the normals. it was posted on here awhile back, and they read, and start the house work and say there sorry. i do what i can, and that is all. i need to do a major cleaning, but can't. hang in there they will understand one day. hugs
    becca
  9. bluemoon1monday

    bluemoon1monday New Member

    I believe that the majority of us were always busy doing everything for everybody and then when we could no longer keep it up our family and friends resented it.

    Let's get honest, did we not always do,do,do for everyone else and put ourselves last? We spoiled them and now they don't like it because we are forced to give ourselves an opportunity to rest and actually think of ourselves first.
    Imagine that.

    Just my thoughts and observations since I have been blessed with this DD.

    BLUEMOON
  10. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    I wanted to find the right words for you....and BLUEMOON said it SO VERY clearly!!!

    She hit the nail on the head.

    We spoiled them....and now they are lost!

    My sons are good to me....but it just seems to me that they want to ignore it. It makes me feel like they don't believe me....or care...I don't know!!

    My oldest son just called me the other night and was SO upset. His wife was having tremors and dizziness.

    He is having URGENT tests for her. He is scared that it is serious!

    Well,....DUH....his mother has been going through this for years. He never seemed to be so concerned.

    I don't mean to sound mean. I love my daughter-in-law very, very much....and I am concerned about her, but you know where I am going with this!!

    I just feel so alone sometimes in this.....as you all do.



    Mari
  11. CarolK

    CarolK New Member

    Hi... I posted this a few months ago.

    It is titled..."THE THIEF OF MANY LIVES"...

    Go into my profile and look for the topic... it is a great description of what we go through with FM/CFS!! Or perhaps you can just type into the "search box".. "Thief Of Many Lives".

    Print it out and give it to your friends or family members who do not understand... perhaps it will open their eyes a bit!

    It is a very powerful article!! Mind you, I did NOT write the article... it was posted several years ago and I just reposted it... it's too good a tool to let slide into the past. So every once in a while I repost it.

    I think it will help you! Blessings... CarolK

  12. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    Thanks So Much!!!
    [This Message was Edited on 02/05/2006]