Marriage is over now what

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lin21, Dec 26, 2006.

  1. lin21

    lin21 New Member

    Do I have to continue living like this?
    For those of you who know my story and read my thanksgiving post know I have been living in hell with my DH. Well if Thanksgiving wasn't enough he had to ruin Chritmas now.
    I'm done. Ever since he came home from the rehab he has been acting "weird" and I've been trying to work through it but it's not working. He can't get over the fact that I am sick and am collecting SSI.
    He calls me a drug addict and every other bad thing.
    Most husbands learn about their wife's illness so they can help, mine learned so he can torture me with stress and aggravation so I can't walk. Now he's on vacation all week and it started already. He is running around this house like a rat in a cage so I went to bed because whatever I do he has fault with so I learned to remove myself from his presence and he still is carrying on. I haven't slept in days.
    I am ashamed to say that he set me up again today and we went at it loud and clear, unfortunately I can't take the stress and I get very upset well it ended with him beating me in front of my daughter and he called my mother just in the heat of it and she is such a sick person that she stood their and watched him beat me and told him to throw me out and he could stay. Do you believe this? I think she was actually getting off on it because her husband beat her.
    My dilemma is that the judge ordered that my daughter's money go to him because of the meds I'm on. I have called SSi and they told me that to get the letter from him and my doctor which I have for years and they still won't change it over because he won't go up there. I am the only one who is taking care of my daughter, he goes to work and that's it and since he hasn't worked in over two months he can't pay the bills.
    He only pays part of my daughter's school and everything else is coming out of her account, he won't give me anything so I could treat her to a movie every now and then pr anything. I'm spending tons of money on food that he is eating because he only spends it occasionly. Of course, he didn't do a thing for Christmas and I had to rely on strangers to take me shopping for gifts. I managed to give my daughter a nice Christmas but the creep ruined everything.
    There is no turning back now, I want him out.
    All he has done is torture me for getting sick.
    He wants the pretty wife he had and I'm obviously not fitting that bill anymore. I'm prepared to get a lawyer now and get on with it. I don't trust him and I can't live like this. My house is a mess, he won't do a thing but make a mess and I can't keep up with them.
  2. dragon06

    dragon06 New Member

    Sounds like a horrible situation, I am so sorry he ruined your holidays.

    Getting a lawyer sounds like a good idea and maybe look at getting your daughters money put into a trust account with an executor (other than your husband) if you can't get it transfered to you.
  3. grace54

    grace54 New Member

    So sorry to see you in such turmoil. I have been single over ten years, just ended another relationship this summer after 4 years of trying to make it something it wasnt.

    I vowed a long time ago i would be single rather than live with insanity. I have worked too hard for my peace of mind after a long childhood of abuse. I am happier today than ever even with fibro/fatigue.

    The main thing that breaks my heart is the thought of a little child witnessing this. I can assure you from much experience that each fight a child see's changes him. It will make one a scared, confused, angry youth and adult.
    These kinds of abuse tend to stay with a person and stunts their emotional and spiritual growth.

    I hope that you stop this madness for all concerned. As someone once said "It is better to be from a broken home than to be in one. It's never too late to change a situation, there is much help out there today. I hope and pray you find some. Peace to you and yours
  4. suzetal

    suzetal New Member

    That he touches you ............Lke the beating you just got in front of your daughter CALL 911 have the police come and press charges.

    Than you need to get a restraining order so he will stay away.You and your daughter need to be protected .....

    Than get the lawyer and I am sure he /she will let you know about your daughters money......

    Good Luck
    Sue

  5. dolphin67

    dolphin67 New Member

    asap! A good lawyer will help you every step of the way; from getting out to getting control of your daughter's money. You can not deal with all of this on your own. It will only make your condition worse. A good lawyer will cost you money, but save you tons of stress and will be worth it in the long run.
  6. janie056

    janie056 New Member

    Why on earth would you not do anything when he beats you! Call 911 have him removed NOW, before he puts you in the hospital or worse.
    CALL 911!!

    We love you here,
    Jane
  7. Catseye

    Catseye Member

    so what are you waiting for? And no apology in the world can justify what you've just described so don't fall for that, either. Get rid of both of them, your husband and your mother. They certainly aren't conducive to a healing environment, which is what you need. And you can love your mother while keeping your distance from her.

    It sounds like she's all caught up in the "life's a pity party so have one for me" way of looking at things. She obviously can't be trusted to have your best interests as top priorities as she probably did once, like when you were an infant. You can't change that and you have to protect yourself. Just like your body depended on your mother to nurture it and keep it safe when you were young, now it's depending on you to do it. Your body and your daughter come first, hurry up and leave and call SSI and tell them it's a hostile environment with domestic violence involved and see if they can stop his check until they investigate or something.

    good luck, my heart goes out to you

    karen
  8. day2day

    day2day Member

    They will be able to give you tons of places to help you. Also ask them for womens domestic abuse hotline, most states you can call United Way by dialing 211 now.

    My heart goes out to you, good luck hon.
  9. Cindyvr

    Cindyvr New Member

    Oh Lin. I understand where you are coming from. I went through all that with my first husband. I got so tired of fighting him I finally packed up me and my kids and went to another state and lived with my sister.
    After another night of him waking me up and saying he was going to kill us I woke my kids up after he left for work the next day. I asked them if they wanted to go see their Aunt. they said yeah when? I said you have 15 minutes to pack. We packed all we could in the back of a really tiny car and left.
    CindyVR
  10. ktpar

    ktpar New Member

    My husband did some very rude crap to me on Christmas also. He does not beat me but the emotional abuse hurts just as bad. If he finds that I am in the chat room he says" Get off of you lazy tail and get a job" He is the computer Administrator so I cannot get on unless he logs on. He is such a coward. I am loosing any trust that I had in him.
    I was out getting my meds yesterday and he states I was running the streets on yesterday and he will run them today. I guess it is true that emotional abuse turns into domestic abuse. I will not put up with his crap in 2007. I am getting a divorce and moving on with my life. Any time he tries or even thinks about hitting me I will call the authorities on him. You need this documented to get your childs money back. Even if this happened yesterday call today and tell them you where to afraid to call on yesterday. Good luck.
  11. lin21

    lin21 New Member

    all the bad stuff he can do to stress me out and that's exactly what he did to me yesterday. My eyes weren't even opened and he started.
    My SIL has the same problems with his brother except his brother takes illegal drugs. She swears they are bipolar and I think she's right.
    Could you imagine that creep (want to use a better word but can't) told me that I was mentally sick when he was snorting oxycontin up his nose. do you believe that?
    he thinks it's okay because he went to a rehab. He is a sick inidividual, who would even think about putting a script up their nose unless they were a drug addict. he makes me sick , it doesn't bother him that his daughter is being brought up like that.
    Anything good she ever did or had was because of me, not him, that's for sure. I remember he even fought with me Disney land.
    I want to take this child away on a decent vacation and far away from him.
    Since i got my settlement i haven't enjoyed one dime of it, with everything I went through.
    Now I can't buy anything for fear he'll want it when we get divorced.
    I'm living in hell.

    I have no life with him, never had when i come to think of it. It was always me wanting to make a home, wanting the good things in life and he was always the bad seed.
    I have removed myself emotionally from this, I just have to start putting my pennies away and one day hopefully I'll be free of all of them.
    I should not be living here but my mother conned him into staying after my father died. She would have crap if it wasn't for me, her other grandchildren want nothing to do with her.
    I know exacly why I got sick and I told him I couldn't take the stress of work a demanding job, taking care of my daughter and putting up with everything else around here while he came home late every night under the excuse that he was working . Well you know what for all the work he did he doesn't have a penny to his name and that's why he won't leave. He is going to be so screwed when we go in front of a judge. I'm ready to have life without him. i wish he would just make it easier on me and croke.
  12. Bunchy

    Bunchy New Member

    Please leave with your child - it is insane to stay with this monster.

    I agree with the others - find shelter and get a good lawyer.

    You should NEVER have to live one more day like this and neither should your child.

    You are both in my prayers.

    Take care,

    Love Bunchy xx
  13. lin21

    lin21 New Member

    This jerk thinks he did nothing wrong, I just noticed my bedroom curtain is bent from me trying to open the window to scream for help . He thinks he did nothing wrong, I swear ever since he came home from the rehab I don't know who he is and I don't think he knows who he is.
    His brother called today and asked him what he did (since I told his girlfriend) and he said "that's not true and I said "oh yes it is he graduated from being a drug addict to being a wife beater".
    I'm done, if I have to live like this I'm just shutting down and getting into my own world. This house is a mess and I'll be damned if I'll do a thing, I use it as a dump house too.
  14. Dee50

    Dee50 New Member

    I hope you and your daughter go to a women's shelter very soon. You can get your bearings there :) Please go now, while you can- home is not safe for you or your daughter.
    Love, Dee50
  15. lin21

    lin21 New Member

    I was told by the authorities that I cannot leave because he can say I deserted him and that would make matters worse.
    He is miserable, my daughter and I are together and I am avoiding him at all costs. He will never do that again that's for sure because next time he will be escorted out.
    He thinks I'm stupid, he's just getting his P's and Q's in order and I will be doing the same. He has no where to go and that's why he hasn't left yet.
    Tomorrow he has plans to take my daughter to a sporting event which was previously planned, little does he know that when they get home I will be out having fun somewhere with one of my friends. I will never go anywhere with him again there is no point, he is no fun and he just brings you down.
  16. CelticAngel

    CelticAngel New Member

    Go to your local woman's center and get some resources. They will even help you with a restraining order and a divorce. They can advise you on how to get him out or if it is better for you to leave with your daughter. Yes, if you leave and "abandon" him, he might get the house..... but if you can show the abuse, he wouldn't get your daughter or take any more of your life away.... The local woman's center would be the best place for you to go to get some advice.
  17. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    dr. phil would say put the rat out.....

    women's shelter would be better than staying such a horrific mess w/your daughter. you can only go up from here not down.

    i would write more but i just had elbow surgery today.

    jodie
  18. Lendy5

    Lendy5 New Member

    Dear Lin - I am so sorry this is happening to you and I know what it's like because my first marriage was horrible.

    I was working swing shifts at 60 hours a week and my husband would loaf the roads while our son was at daycare and he would get home, get to bed just before I got home at 3:30am. I finally caught on and his engine would still be warm. If I ever confronted him on anything he would slam my head into a wall or beat me. I was so scared but I still loved him. He was my high school sweetheart and we were even talking about having another baby. What was I thinking? I wasn't that's just it. My mind was gone.

    We separated and divorced and it was the best thing I could have ever done. Our son still loves his daddy but he cries sometimes because of all the torture he seen his daddy put me through. I will never be able to erase those horrible memories or bad dreams but I can at least make the future a better one.

    He beat me for years and I have since forgiven him and we are both remarried except now I have a very loving husband that would do anything to protect us all.

    Lin I don't know of any authority that would inform you that if you left him that would make things worse. You had a right to leave the minute he raised his hand to you but only you can make the decision to leave. It's your future and I wish you the very best.

    carolin
  19. Gothbubbles

    Gothbubbles New Member

    Those two made their beds: your mom and soon-to-be-ex hubby.

    Do not feel sorry for what happens to them. Think of your daughter.

    Everyone on here is right. He relinquised a lot when he hit you. You MUST get that on some kind of record. Police, shelter, ANYTHING.

    That way he can't take anything from you. You will divorce clean and not pay him a DIME and his drug-addicted wife-beating self will have NO PART in your daughter's life.

    The police can come and extract him from your home.

    Contact someone. REPORT THIS. Your divorce will be easier if you do.
  20. lin21

    lin21 New Member

    well today a bill had to be paid (one in his name one in mine) and of course he wouldn't sit down to see what he owed on mine so now I'm stuck paying it and this is only partially the Christmas bills.
    I was on the couch sewing my daughters clothes and he started this crap now.
    NOw I have to open up a checking account in my name only and get cash in it so this bill can be paid.
    I hate him,
    He said yesterday "that's all you can do is bring up the past and I replied "that's right because there is no future with you.
    I want to be by myself , I'll have friends and live how I want to live (a normal life). And I won't have to worry about being embarassed with his crap .
    He left and I called SS and my daughter thought I was on the phone with a lawyer and she started hitting and kicing me because she doesn't want him to get out. Now you could just imagine how my body feels between that and what he did to me the other day, I think I have a bruised rib from him banging me up against the window. I can't win here. I paid for her braces, I paid for HER pool, I pay for her school, anything good the kid has is because I gave it to her.
    I don't know what is stopping me from just ending it but I hang on to the fact that that is what they want me to do.
    Well, if I should DIE , my funeral will be one thing in my life that they won't be able to control, I am making my will and I'll go out of this world THE WAY I WANT TO!!!!
    They did nothing but torture me all my life and then they'll cry over my body, NO WAY!!!!!