marriage, long, short and shotgun

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Didoe, Jul 6, 2008.

  1. Didoe

    Didoe New Member

    The senior, experienced and wise warriors among us...okay, okay we'll include men...have confessed to marriages lasting 1-2-3 decades and longer.

    This is astounding. Is it because they grew up without television and were forced to actually look across the supper table and engage in conversation and get to know who their family members were?

    Has the art of conversation died with television and computers? I see alot of texting and computer chatting in codes such as OMG! BTW! LMAO! etc.

    There are business people, with their own radio shows and books selling the idea of finding and keeping love forever.
    There are others who tell us only death and taxes are forever.

    After decades of telling couples never go to bed angry, once you hit the sheets ya gotta kiss and make up...I would find that difficult when the shtnunad comes home smelling like a putan...capisch?

    Is it a cultural thing that some women turn a blind eye to behaviour not described or promised during the wedding vows? My mother's family were Neapolitan and whatever the men did, they had rights because they wore pants, so fuggedaboutit cause you aint doin nothin until after you got the wedding band on your finger...on and on, you know the drill.

    Is it fear of being alone?
    Concern about what the neighbors, family, colleagues will think?
    Or just dont want to be single?

    Its clear that beauty doesnt have the cache or power some of us social peons once thought---watching Christie Brinkley display to the world the extra-boudior relationships her husband was addicted to with young girls, kind of has me pondering why these men marry in the first place?

    99% are wealthy enough to stay single and do what freaky 80 yr old Hugh Hefner is cavorting with women in their 20s, one of which pleads for marriage while the other two are taking advantage of their 15 secs of fame and learning skills for work...other than how to put vaseline on their teeth to keep smiling.

    Since ambien is doing its magic, its time for me to turn these vital questions over to our fierce womenkind (and whatever kind of men we have) to explain...if not about their own marital longevity, their inside tips for enjoying marital longevity.
    Wise women of the tribal coucil, put down your heavy pipes for a moment and enlighten us
  2. greygodess

    greygodess New Member

    Could it be that couples that stay together for decades really love each other and want to stay together? In my case yes.

    There is no one who knows me better than my husband. And he still loves me. Believe me, sometimes that isn't easy. Then there are times it isn't easy to love him.

    There was a famous couple ( I believe Joanne Woodward and Paul Newman) when asked how they have stayed married so long said " We never fell out of love with each other at the same time". I understand that.

    There were times in my marriage I could have gotten divorced ( no infidelity that I know of) but I stuck with it. And so did he. Heck, I went into the marriage thinking if it didn't work out I could always get divorced. We've been married almost 36 years and he is my best friend. I know nobody will ever love me the way he does. Godbless
  3. Gingareeree

    Gingareeree New Member

    for my hubbie and me as well. We did have a "shotgun" wedding....first child born a mere 5 months after our wedding! We have three grown daughters(one married with two kids, another getting married on Jul.18th.) We've definetly had our ups and downs over the years...but we've stuck it out. Now that we are empty nesters we are happier than ever. My theory is we had a family so soon after getting married. We REALLY appreciate our alone time now!
  4. victoria

    victoria New Member

    JoAnne and Paul said it all I think! And what Gingareeree is of course true too.

    Actually I heard on TV that people are putting off divorce right now due to the lousy RE market - since the biggest asset most people have is their house, they can't afford to divorce so there's a significant percentage who are electing to giving their marriage another chance or attempting some sort of way to work things out while stuck in the same house. That must be really hard, but I wonder how many will say later that it was the best thing that happened...

    I've heard it said that it can be too easy to get divorced, and that many had regrets later. Wonder what the % is of those who do get remarried?

  5. poets

    poets Member

    I've been married to the same man for 32 years. We really don't like each other. In fact I think he really wishes I'd have croaked when I fell out of the attic. At first it wasn't so bad. He's never been too keen on the kids either. I got pregnant 6 weeks after we were married and he didn't want children so soon.

    It's a matter of convenience I guess. I'm older and I've gained weight and no one else would have me and it's just companionship now, however strained. He hasn't come near me in 4 years. And I don't really care.

    He seems to like our grandson though. And hopefully the new granddaughter that's due in a few weeks.

    For those who've had a long and HAPPY marriage I think it's great. I hope you have many more happy years together!

  6. texangal81

    texangal81 New Member

    Victoria - I NEVER regreted my divorce, the day I filed remains the happiest day of my life, next to the day my grandson was born. The day I married him ranks low on the list *L*. I can laugh now, I've been out of the marriage over 9 years. I don't think they make it too easy to divorce, I think they make it too easy to MARRY!!!! I think you should live with the person you want to marry for a minimum of 2 years to see if you can stand each other. The heck with morals......

    Meg, I can understand exactly how you feel:

    It's a matter of convenience I guess. I'm older and I've gained weight and no one else would have me and it's just companionship now, however strained. He hasn't come near me in 4 years. And I don't really care.

    I felt that same before I logged onto a chat room, on an impulse over 9 years ago. If I never had sex again it would be too soon. I too felt I was fat and ugly and who want ever want me? I was 6 months from my 40th birthday and had started my umpteenth diet. OMG, that chat room changed my life. I fell madly in love with a married aussie, uncovered a long buried passionate, crazy, WILD sex drive, had a 6 month cyber fling, filed for divorce, found an incredible career, and 9 years later can't even remember who that woman was who felt no one would love her. Today I'm still fat, still starting my umpteenth diet but I'm alone BY CHOICE and know at least 2 men who would date me in a heartbeat, fat and all, if only I would say yes.

    So if you really do want to find love, passion and excitment again, DO IT, don't wait. Even if you only want companionship that isn't strained, life is too damn short to be unhappy. There are plenty of men out there who would jump at the chance.

    My very young daughter (whose choice in men is as bad as mine *L*) has summed up the secret to a successful marriage very well in 3 easy steps:

    1. Communication
    2. Respect
    3. A lot of great sex.

    I totally agree........
  7. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    Lasted long because women had no power.

    Many women used to die in childbirth-men were killed in war and with infectious disease taking lives, actually long marriages were a rarity.

    Men sure wore the pants when I was first married. Now I think it is great when I saw, yesterday a new dad of triplets to adept at handling his babies, sharing the whole role.

    I think it is a myth that old fashioned marriages were happy, they were based upoon the woman doing all the chores and cooking and being a servant really, whilst the man went out to work and got his big say.

    Young couples seem to share a lot more and have fun together, sad that many relationships do not last, but there are so many distractions in the modern world. Imagine cheating on someone like Christie Brinkley!!!

    Love Annie
  8. texangal81

    texangal81 New Member

    I refer to marriage as legalized slavery. My mom lambasts her own mother for staying with a lazy, no-good, SOB (may his miserable soul rest in peace) but what could she do???? She was an uneducated Catholic woman in the 1930's with 4 kids who were 4 years apart. C'mon, give her a break. My mom's solution? Cut off the sex. Well that is fine and dandy but the majority of men simply would take it forcibly or find it elsewhere and not miss a beat.

    Because of HER mom, my mom doesn't take any sh*t off of anyone, including my dad. They truly have a marriage made by God because there isn't another man on the face of the earth who would put up with her. I love her dearly, but most men can't handle strong, opinionated women. My dad adores her.

    When I finally said enough and walked out of my marriage I made it clear to any man I dated that it was "my game and my rules". I had a long-term relationship that didn't end in marriage because I refused to be subservient and submissive. He was unemployed and I paid the bills and he had the NERVE to tell me that HE had the final say because that is what the Bible says??????

    I've decided I'm very happy being single. As I mentioned in my previous post I did uncover a long dormant sex drive and once I lose some weight and feel better, I might search for a younger man to play Mrs. Robinson to, but other than that, I have no desire to play any other Mrs for anyone ever again.
  9. victoria

    victoria New Member

    for the record, TexanGal, I agree... about not making it hard to get a divorce like it used to be.

    Just wanted to set the record straight!

    What I find interesting tho are the couples who do get divorced, then remarry or just live together and get along the 2nd time...

    I remember when the divorce laws were loosened how many people around me got divorced (parents of friends); and how amazed my parents and some relatives were that some seeminglyhappy marriages broke up.

    LOL, I told my kids long engagements were best... it took me 4 years to marry my DH. Now it's been 30 years...