marriages

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by otis89, Apr 4, 2009.

  1. otis89

    otis89 New Member

    How many of you married couples have split up due to the fact that your other half didnt understand your illness and didnt want to........just curious.....otis89
  2. shari1677

    shari1677 New Member

    My husband and I did not divorce specifically because of my disease, there were many other factors.

    HOWEVER, what is the wierd thing - he is very understanding now about it now that we are divorced.
    [This Message was Edited on 04/05/2009]
  3. place

    place New Member

    Many other factors but my DX was the largest part. Funny, I started getting good treatment right before we split.

    He was a major athlete. I now found someone who cares more about family then working out.

    I don't talk much about my FM to my new man. But he knows when I am in a flair. I am not to bad these days. Just a day or afternoon on the sofa and pacing myself. and he really likes to watch movies!

    I am glad I got divorced, my past life was based on 16 hour days and lots of sports. I have not seen him since we signed the papers.
  4. pitoune

    pitoune New Member

    I've been married to my husband for 30 years this coming April 21st and I think we're good for another 30 ...lol... I have a wonderful husband that is extremely caring towards me and can read me like a book. He knows just by looking at me in how much pain I am. He says my eyes tells him all. He makes sure to take me out of the house at least every 2 days for coffee and a deer or moose ride. We go count as many deers as we can and he knows how much I love that. Being in the car makes me quite worse sometimes but I do enjoy the time we spend together talking and watching the wild life.

    He's a gem and I'm lucky to have found him. We have 2 beautiful children and 5 grand-children and love to spend times with them which is not very often as they live over 7 hours away from us but when we do see them, it's one big party for us. We're going up to see them this weekend for Easter and it's also gonna be the Christening of the latest arrival on Easter Sunday. We can't wait to see them.

    I love my husband with all of my heart and so does he so I'm very lucky to have him in my life.

    froggy
  5. kjfe

    kjfe New Member

    I've had CFS for over ten years. We've been married for over 27 years. I think for now we are staying together because of our religious beliefs and because two of our five kids are still at home. I'm tired of feeling guilty for being sick and that's not his fault. It's mine - I'm the one thinking those thoughts. I've seen a change in him in the past few years in terms of depression. He isn't as cheerful or energetic as before. I'm so tired at the end of the day that it's hard to find the strength to communicate effectively. We still talk, etc., but we don't go out except to our kids' activities. That's all I can do. It takes planning and recovery time for me to do that.

    Marriage is hard work no matter what. Throw in a chronic illness and it is complicated. Whatever was wrong before the illness is going to be just as wrong or worse after the illness. I'm fortunate that my husband is a good father and a good person. Neither one of us planned for this, but life is unpredictable. We share the same values and are involved in the lives of our children so it feels like weathering the storm together is the thing to do.

    I think there is an unrealistic idea that most married couples are blissfully happy. I think most married couples go through very trying times. Some more so than others, but I think a lot of couples struggle with finances, intimacy, differences in how to raise kids and how to spend free time, extended family relationships, untreated mental illness, substance abuse/addictions, and all kinds of things. I don't think having a chronic illness gives us the corner on the market for marital problems. We're simply comparing our pre-illness relationship to our post-illness relationship. Of course, that's reasonable, but are our problems entirely unique? There's a lot of unhappiness in physically healthy couples' relationships.
  6. harmony21

    harmony21 New Member

    I have had FM for three nearly four years now and it has affected our relationship. my husband is very understanding but often tells me he misses me as my sex drive is absolutely nill. Iam guessing though its not just the FM but also the menopause factor plus the overweight factor and what ever else is going on in this body of mine

    It is good to read the positive entries here and it gives me hope where as at times I feel Iam failing my obligations

    angel hugs

    Connie
  7. dragon06

    dragon06 New Member

    I agree...all marriages are work and not just complete bliss. ALL marriages take LOTS of work to make them work out. My husband and I have been going through lots of obstacles over our 5 years and we are going strong still...but we are both into working things out and he understand my illness.

    We also have another couple who are roommates with us and even keeping that relationship is tons of work. ALL relationships are work and people need to understand that both (or more) people need to be willing to work to make whatever the relationship is, work.
  8. Shananegans

    Shananegans New Member

    He married me knowing I was sick, pretended to care until we were actually married and then became controlling and offensive shortly after we were married and started telling me I was lazy and a liar, not sick.

    So yes, my divorce is partially due to my illness and partially due to the fact that he turned out to be a jerk.

    shananegans
  9. m1she11e

    m1she11e New Member

    I have been sick for 27-ish years. The first 15 were tolerable with naps. My relationships werent overly affected by the illness. Then again, being sick made me very insecure. I also was very fearful that this would never go away. So, even back then, although being sick and resting didnt seem to hurt my relationship, the toll being sick took on me did. It is hard to be secure when you cant even trust your body or make plans or give 100% at work.

    In the last 10 years, my symptoms have increased. The last year they have REALLY increased. My last long term relationship (that just ended) I warned the guy about the illness. You can explain away but healthy people just dont get it. I told him I would miss important events as I could not predict my really bad days. I tried to make him understand that it WOULD impact his life as well. I think he was just so into the chase that he couldnt really grasp it. Im a decent looking person and do a fantastic job with hair and make up. I also would hide on the "too sick to cover it" days. I can be fun and upbeat and silly. I just go missing when I am really sick.

    This last year we lived together. I started anti virals, and antibiotics and I think there were mold issues in his house. I was working full time and my boss was very stressful. My boyfriend started seeming annoyed. I constantly apologized for being sick. My insecurities (and we all know how attractive that is) kicked in full force as well. Then I just fell into one of the sickest dives ever. Finally I drove him off.

    I think unless you are married, and or have kids and a strong foundation or religous connection, most men just cannot take it. I cant take it! I think they want you to just push on or ignore it or just get better. All of the things that make people attractive are robbed of the chronically ill. Even if you are physically attractive.

    I am very lonely and fear that no one will want this CFS package but on the other hand, if I dont get well, I dont know if a relationship is worth the stress. It would have to take a one in a million kind of a guy. Sounds like a few of you are lucky enough to have that!

    Thats my two and half cents...

    Michelle
  10. rachel76

    rachel76 New Member

    When I was at Dr Goldstein's circa 1999 I met a woman who had to get divorced due to this illness. She then got better and remarried. She then relapsed again and divorced the 2nd time and was there at Dr Goldstein's to see if he could help her. I'm single aged 32 and frankly I'm frightened of marrying anyone. Yet I wish I was healthy and could in a way.
  11. pacotaco

    pacotaco New Member

    WHAT MARRIAGE. MY HUSBAND DID ALOT FOR ME IN THE WAY OF HELPING ME WITH EVERYTHING. WHEN I CRIED IN PAIN, HIS EYES SHOWED THE PAIN HE FELT FOR ME. HE WAITS ON ME HAND AND FOOT ALL THE TIME. GREAT YA SAY? WELL NO, NOT SO GREAT, HE LIKES THAT IM ILL SO HE CAN FEEL BETTER ABOUT HIMSELF. YOU SEE HE HAS PROBLEMS OF HIS OWN AND WE HAVENT HAD SEX FOR 8 OUT OF OUR 11 YRS TOGETHER. NOT CUZ I CANT. BUT WHEN WE ARGUE, HE THROWS LITTLE THINGS AT ME IN THE WAY OF MY ILLNESS, AND I DONT NEED THAT CRAP TO INHANCE MY PAIN. WE ARE ON OUR WAY TO THE END.....