Married or not? Which is easier?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by pam112361, Feb 20, 2007.

  1. pam112361

    pam112361 New Member

    I'll start off by saying I'm not having that great of a day/week/month (take your pick). My question is: would you or do you find it easier to have fibro, work full-time AND be married or to have fibro, work full-time and be single?

    I have been married 24 years and love my husband but I don't always like him. And I'm fairly certain that my illness is something that he hates. I really think that he would be so much better off without me. And my life without him would be quieter and less stressful. I could work and then go home and do my own thing without having him hound me about what I do and don't do.

    I've also applied for a much more stressful job (a promotion) without telling him. I know it wasn't the smartest thing to do because I definitely don't need the stress, but the money would be nice. That way, I could make it much easier on my own.

    Now I'm afraid that they might actually want me (I've been working with the same people for a while in another capacity) and that I won't be able to handle the job. Then if he finds out, I'll never hear the end of it. If I get the job and fail, it will be because I was too weak and knew I couldn't handle it. If I don't get it, it will be because they knew I was too weak and couldn't handle it.

    I apologize for rambling. I'm just not feeling very well and wish I could take a long vacation with my best friend who also has fibro to a place that is warm and sunny and quiet.

    Hugs,
    Pam
  2. pam_d

    pam_d New Member

    Another Pam here, also married 24 years, also working fulltime. You know, my husband's always been pretty supportive of the FM issue, got me my first book on FM (The Fibromyalgia Advocate by Dr. Devin Starlanyl, a great resource, BTW)----and STILL I sometimes felt like it'd be almost easier on my own! I think that's because, especially working, we get home and just crave some alone time to not have to think about another human being! At least that's often how I felt.

    I got Leukemia last year, and that kind of changed my perspective. My husband came through for me in a way that I never would've imagined. He was there for me every test, every doctor's appointment, blood transfusion---when my hair fell out, he was there holding me and telling me I looked beautiful---in short, I think after 24 years, I fell in love with him all over again. And he's been my rock since then....but you know, still, there's times when I just want that "alone" time....even though I appreciate the heck out of him, I just need exactly what you're talking about---a long vacation with a friend. I think that's a pretty normal way to feel when you've battled illness for a while.

    Never worry about rambling here, I ramble on a lot...this is a great place to just vent, sometimes we get a lot out just in the act of writing and sharing our feelings with people you KNOW will understand.

    Hope it gets better and easier...and that you make a decision on the job issue that feels like the right one for you. I do understand the struggle...

    (((Gentle Hugs)))
    Pam