Been here off and on since everything started back in Jan. 2006. Like all of you I struggle EVERY DAY with horrible physical symptoms and emotional symptoms. My depression has been getting worse - again. Right now it is at the scary breaking point. I am sure many of you know what this feeling is like. It's like you are carrying 500 pounds all day and every feeling is a bad one. A sad one. A hopeless one. It simply is crushing... like you can't believe anyone on Earth could feel this bad. And as weak and tired eyed as you feel...you can't sleep or if you do it doesn't help at all. Before I ever got this whatever-it-is ( total body and emotional suffering ) if I had just one day of these massive depression feelings ... I would be racing up to our psyche ward ER. But, since I've have had this for years now, plus having just one night's experience in our only hospital within 40 mile psyche ward...I think I'd rather die than go back there. It is truly a prison mentality. You lose all authority over your treatment and stay. And the more you have these "visits", the more your record is tainted by these and other doctors don't want to treat you. They won't say this directly...but I've had at least 5 or 6 doctors act very enthusiastic and accepting on my first visit...then, after accessing my hospital records their demeanor changes 180 degrees and all of a sudden they stop short these first visits and say something like "uh, sorry, but I don't think I am the doctor for you..." One simply left the room and told me to go the front desk to pick back up my co-pay check. This is the added humilation and medical reputation ruining side of seeking psyche care...at least in my experience. None-the-less, I know that these all day or all two day depression episodes are getting so powerful, I am being scared back into taking some AD's. I got off of trying these two to three years ago for various reasons. Lexipro made me gain 40 lbs. in 2 and 1/2 months which I never lost. I also lost my sex drive with this. I couldn't sleep. I had weird pulsating feeling going up into both sides of my head. Felt off balance frequently. After several months of this I got off of Lexipro. I tried Cymbalta and was so sick from the first dose I thought I would die. Prozac also made me extremely ill. I am a 58 year old male. Please, can as many of you as willing please share with me some real life reports of the antidepressants you take and maybe I can try a new one or two? Also, one psychiatrist I saw three times told me he believed anti-depressants didn't even work physically. He thought they worked only as placebos for maybe 50 % of their takers. Do you agree with this? If this is true...why even take these? What a letdown if this psychiatrist's belief is true. Thanks, Scared In California.