Maybe this should be included in Awareness talks?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by sues1, May 10, 2006.

  1. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    I just posted this under the posting on when did you decide to quit? I got to thinking and thought that this is all of us, my posting. I am not alone in this struggle. Maybe even aa line or two or a thought or two here, could be used by anyone that is helping in awareness time.
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    It was bad, me, my body would not cooperate. You know what I mean.

    NO!.. I yelled when alone. I will get better! I will overcome this! First told I had FIBRO and later I got CFIDS. Funny, strange diagnoise I thought. THEY are crazy! There is a reason I am this way and ..I, Me,...will find it!

    My DH would help me get ready and take me to Drs. and clinics,various hospitals, etc. We went all over the place. I would barely make it into the Drs. offices. Sometimes I even saw everything in red tones. My eyes hurt. Darn, everything hurt. Many tests. Many Drs. of all sorts. I went on, as I just had not found the right Dr.!

    I missed so much work that I was embarrased. But I kept my head up high (when I could)and over looked it ( to the eyes of others) and faked it.

    I did do what was necessary, but not all I should do as I could not do it. I even asked to take a layoff, when they were going to layoff someone. My reason was to be able to see more Drs. and maybe, just maybe....a little more rest would help. I made good money, but we would barely get by,with unemployment.

    My husband's company downsized and he was now unemployeed.

    I had to pay my ins. to keep it and I knew I had to have it.
    It took a large chunk of my unemployment.

    But I still was going to find the answers. I would go to the library and book stores. I contacted many places for info. I went to more specialists. Meanwhile I was about like a woman made of jello. Wobbily. Ready to dissolve into the carpet. Could hardly see or walk,

    I had great insurance. Paid about everything. But even with my little that I had to pay....it still was in the thousands and my savings went.

    My husband, even before he was not working, would cook and even cut the meat on my plate, I could not. I hardly had strength to eat it. Eating seemed to sap my strength.

    I did not make a decision to quit working. My body did. I could go no longer. I felt betrayed. I was working on saving for retirement. What I had went fast for Drs. and tests. I was always a fighter in the right sort of a way. I could hang in through much adversity. My fight disappeared. I disappeared. I remember me and I liked her!

    Funny, but I look back so I feel validated and worthy now.

    I was "lucky" as I worked for city. PERS (Public Employment Retirement System). It is not as hard to get approved for that. Even has insurance with it. Better than SS.

    But I did not want it, I wanted to work. I guess this could be wrote by many here. God Bless all of us......Susan