Me and life is tough

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, May 14, 2003.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I can't remember when I last posted but thigns are getting really strained at my house. My husband of 22 years wants a divorce and announced this in the middle of a family crisis His mother was dying and he just had to tell me right in the middle of it and then phoned our daughter in connenicut to tell her It was such a shock and there is nothing that I can do about it, I have since learned that he feels that I have the power to turnthe fibro on and off so that I won't have to do things or that I can sleep in . He feels that I am making this fibro up because I don't look sick and somedays I can still do everything and then I pay dearly for it . I don't know what to do? I am not having any luck in finding a job so that I can move me and our daughters 21, and 18 out of this house that is feeilled with so much tension that you can cut it with a knife. My husband won't file divorce papers till I find a job and have some money saved to get a apartment I don't want to stay in this house we took out a large loan in decemnber and Ican't afford the payments of over $700 a month so I am the one moving out but i can't do it till I have a job and money sabed for all the things like a deposit and lights and heat ect. I still really dddon't want a divorce but I know that nothing I do will change his mind and it really hurts alot/ My stress level is so high that I feel so tight in my chest and the fatique is terrible so is the pain but I have to do all the wifey things like try and get this pigsty of a house cleaned up so he can have it and maybe fix it and sell it. My daughters are not much help as they beleive that I should get up bright and early every morning because that is what MOM's do they don't sleep till noon like me. I am such a disapointment to them because they don't get the fibro if things work for one person they should work for me and they don't they don't understand that Ihave chosen to take pain meds instead of steriod epidurals that mayor may not work and cost money. I get it all the time from my daughters that I should be up in the morning because MOM's are up and son't sleeo in but I ahve always been up at night and liked to sleep in. but I feel like I am a failure because I can't keep my marriage together and i have to rely on strong pain meds just to be able tomove and exist. I have failed at many things and feel so lost and alone because my family does not understand how this dd works . They daughters 25,21 and 18 and husband think that if something works for aother it will work for me and Ihave been told that other women with fibro work two jobs tosupport a family but I can't do that I aaam so tired and upset Nothing I say matters and to the family it is not the truth about this fooobro stuff and I am making it up. I have had them read the letter to Normals from the fibrohugs site but they did not believe it just a bunch of nonscense so I once again have failed. I don't know what to do living here with a husband who does not want to be married is really hard on my self esteem and I feel like I don't belong anywhere I am jsut existing in this mess of a life. I am going to bed now so that in a few hours I can wake up and try again to sleep take care Fay
  2. Pluto

    Pluto New Member

    Dear Rosemarie (or Fay?)
    I feel so sad for you. Please don't give up. You are still special even if you can't do everything you used to do. You are still a special mum!

    Can your doctor talk to your family and explain what's happening?
    Can you do some relaxation and deep breathing for the stress? A daytime sleep may help too.

    I will pray for you and your situation and I'm sure lots of others will too.
    Love Pluto
  3. benton

    benton New Member


    I wish i were there to give you a GENTLE hug.

    Im sorry you are so low right now. I think the idea of getting your doctor involved is a good one though! Maybe he can explain your illness to your family and they may be a little more understanding. But please take comfort in the knowledge that you are not alone!!! I wish i could do more to help you... im thinking of you and wishing you the best!!

    Take care


  4. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I am so sorry. I will say a prayer for you.

    Love, Mikie
  5. amaryllis

    amaryllis New Member

    You are so depressed, you really need to see a doctor first and get some help. And second, if I can do this, I am going to ditto everything that HiRiskRn had to say, so if it's allowed, I'm just going to quote her exact words right here, because, sweetie, I have been there myself and her words are the absolute truth, please read them again:

    *****Quote from HiRiskRN (Sandy):

    HE wants the divorce, HE moves, HE pays the mortgage, and your insurance, and your medical bills, and alimony, plain and simple!!!! I'm so sorry for the way he's treated you but you CANT let him get away with it, I learned this the hard way. You MUST get an atty, and make your husband pay for it. If he is the one who wants to file, he owes you everything I Mentioned above, so you are not doomed. Talk to an atty and have him thrown out of YOUR house. I've seen this so many times on this board and it never ceases to amaze me how cruel and uncaring and selfish some men can be. Please stand up for yourself or he will screw you bad, and then you really wont have any money. I wish you the very best, you sure dont deserve this.

    ******End Quote

    Honey, you are not a failure, YOU ARE SICK and you need help with that. There is no shame in this whatsoever, so please do no give up on yourself. YOU COME FIRST HERE. So put aside your feelings of what you think your daughters might be feeling right now, or what your jerk of a husband might be feeling and concentrate your efforts on getting you up to feeling better able to fight for what is rightfully yours after a 22 year marriage. You have so much more worth than you realize right now -- dig just a little a you will find it. And more importantly, you're not alone, we're here for you!!

    Prayers going out your way right now in helping to get you well, up on your feet and fight for what is rightfully yours,


    Note to Moderators: If my quoting Sandy's post was inappropriate, please let me know and I will edit it ASAP, I don't intend to violate any rules here.
  6. AnnG

    AnnG New Member

    that Sandy's message to you was quoted to you again. It was important and right on. We are victims of this DD but thats where it stops. We don't need to be any other kind of victim! Get up everyday (at whatever time), take a shower, get dressed and present yourself as the strong woman you are inside (at least for a few hours). Give your daughters a list of what their chores are in the house. No back-talk, no options except to move out! Tell your husband that you will be hiring an attorney. Tell him to start looking for an apt. and into getting a 2nd job to pay alimony. Be strong and firm. And Fay, there is a very good chance that your hubby is saying this just to get a rise out of you. Men aren't good at communicating their feelings and the reality is probably very different from what you are hearing. Please keep us posted, Fay. Disease or no disease, this is your life and you have to fight for it! Much love to you, Ann
  7. goingslowlycrazy

    goingslowlycrazy New Member

    ...I am sending you a giant hug and hopefully some strength with it.
    They don't get it, do they? Don't they think we would LOVE to 'be like other Mums?'. Lord - we didn't choose to have this DD - and all the associated problems that go with it.
    I agree with everything that the others have said...and I wish I could think of more helpful things to say.
    In the UK, women are always advised NOT to move out of the family home. If he wants to move out, fine, but don't you move out.
    let us know how you are and what is happening,
    sorry again honey,
    gentle hugs
    Mary x
  8. lorgirls

    lorgirls New Member

    wishing you some strength. The post above is correct. Dont you move out. If you do he can make it look like you left him. My sis did this and he got almost everything and hes the one that wanted the divorce she thought if she left he would see she was seriouse and want her back. It will be tough but please hang in there and stand up for what belongs to you. Im so tired of theses men that when the going gets tough they want out. Will he go for marraige counceling? Take care and please see an attorney before you do anything.Maybe get some advice from more than one.
  9. allhart

    allhart New Member

    sorry to here about this
    i couldnt read all response but i did read sandys shes right he moves he pays,dont get a job hes just trying to get out of paying alimony and if you have to apply for ssa you wont have as good a chance if you cant work apply now i belive if you have been married for more then 10 years it gose off his work record if you havent been employed
    also be carefull i found out the hard way one supose can close all bank accounts and cridet card accounts with out the others knowlade if you still have time open your own cridet card accounts and bank account to protect yourself,
    im sending prayers