Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by getridof, Feb 29, 2008.

  1. getridof

    getridof New Member

    I sincerely wish to know what's the meaning for the rest of my life that God had planned on me......

    Today was my birthday. Yesterday I prayed to God, I begged Him to keep me stable in mind to pass my birthday. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't asking Him for a HAPPY or JOYFUL birthday. I was just begging for a normal day, although I spent this day alone, I'm used to it for years.

    Then something was really really GOOD happened. Trust me, it's really something good that I've been expecting all time. It's good. I'm supposed to be happy and grateful. But later this day, I felt extremely sad. I started to blame myself hours by hours. Then I got a strange answer, I cannot afford GOODNESS, I don't deserve anything positive. When something good comes to me, the self blaming and sinful feeling also come out to fight against almost immediately.

    I don't know how to pray to God. I have tried my best to help myself. Perhaps today's GOOD thing was a gift from God for my birthday. But then it turned out to ruin my silent birthday I prayed for. I regret a lot. I'm a weird guy. Why did HE make a weird guy?

    PS: I wouldn't say what the GOOD thing was, it doesn't matter anymore.
    [This Message was Edited on 03/01/2008]
  2. tonakay

    tonakay New Member

    There is nothing to praying.... just talk to God. Being alone on your birthday sounds very sad, but God does have a plan for you... you just don't know what it is!

    Happy birthday again and God bless...
  3. Lms526

    Lms526 New Member

    I can relate. I am pretty much the same way. For a long time, I also believed that I didn't deserve anything good to happy to me. But I can tell you this. It isn't God who is telling you that you don't deserve goodness and anything positive. God doesn't want us to be puffed up with pride thinking we are better than others, but He also doesn't want us to hate ourselves and think we have no value. It has to be balance. But that's easier said than done. I know.

    There is a big difference between being unique and being weird. For what it's worth, I don't think you are weird. I think you are sad, depressed and really hurting, but I don't think you are weird.

    I too, struggled for a long time with what God's purpose for me was. It's only within the last few weeks that I've started to get an idea what that might be. But it's not like I just woke up one day and BAM! I suddenly knew what God's plan for me was. It comes a little at a time and one step at a time. It definitely doesn't happen all at once.

    I have a very close friend who lives in Nevada. Even though we aren't related by blood, I consider her my sister. I know that I can talk to her about anything. And I have. Any subject you can think of, we've probably talked about it at one time or another. I've shared so much with her. Good, bad, and ugly. But there are a couple things she says to me continually. The first one is that she loves me. And I know, that her love for me is completely unconditional. She knows the best and worst of me, and she loves me anyway. There is something so freeing about that. She loves me for me. The other thing she has told me many times is "God doesn't make junk" For a long time, I didn't believe that. I felt like my life was a mistake that God really messed up when He made me. I felt abnormal and strange. I've never fit in very well with people my own age. The people I click with best are either several years older than me or else are very mature for their age. I've always kind of felt like an outsider and an oddball. And then with the depression on top of all that, I really felt like a freak. I couldn't understand why I couldn't just be like everyone else. It's only within the last few months that I've started to love and accept myself for me.

    I'm sorry you spent your birthday alone. That is really sad. I'll pray for you! Hang in there!

  4. getridof

    getridof New Member

    Hello Tonakay,
    The baby in your profile picture is very lovely. He/she seems happy and about to laugh. And thank you for replying me.

    Lms526, I'm happy to know you have such a good friend. Keep cherishing and sharing with her.
    Being alone on my birthday was ok to me. In fact no one knows when my birthday is except a friend in London. I think I was just overwhelmed yesterday because of that"GOOD EVENT" happened. I just couldn't twist my thought to accept goodness and then it caused such a turbulence and imbalance in my mind yesterday. Today I feel a little bit better. Thanks for writing me and thanks for the drug info you replied to my post on the Depression Board. I appreciate that.

  5. joyfully

    joyfully New Member

    First, Happy Birthday!

    Second. I think your mind is repeating stuff that has been said to you at some time in your life. You are a good person and you are worthy of the GOOD thing that happened to you today. Have you ever noticed that it only takes one "O" to get from God to good????

    You DO deserve to have good things happen in your life.

    Somehow, you need to break all those prerecorded messages in your brain and replace them with positive statements about yourself. I wish I knew a simple solution how to do this. Can you think of any suggestions?