== MEDICAL Jokes just for LAUGHS...==

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by victoria, Oct 9, 2008.

  1. victoria

    victoria New Member

    After receiving his medication from the pharmacist, the customer asks,
    "Are these time release pills?"

    The pharmacist replies,
    "Yes. They begin to work after your check clears."


    Doctors are whippersnappers in ironed white coats,
    who spy up your rectum and look down your throats,
    and press you and poke you with sterilized tools,
    and stab at solutions that pacify fools.
    I used to revere them and do what they said
    till I learned what they learned on was already dead.

    (--Gilda Radner 1986)


    Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his crotch. The dentist says,
    "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates."

    The woman replies,
    "Yes. Now, we're going to be VERY careful not to hurt each other, aren't we..."


    Why did the guru refuse Novocaine when he went to his dentist?

    He wanted to transcend dental medication.


    Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery:

    Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.


    Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?

    Tom: Shhh, doctor! My dog's outside in the waiting room!


    Seen in the comic strip "Herman":

    A doctor says to a patient lying in a hospital bed,
    "Your condition is so rare, we're not even sure we're pronouncing it right."


    Erma Bombeck's Rule of Medicine:

    Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.



    A murmur of cardiologists

    A stain of cytotechnologists

    A rash of dermatologists

    A speck of forensic pathologists

    A poke of gynecologists

    A vessel of heart surgeons

    A clot of hematologists

    A nursery of obstetricians

    A dose of pharmacists

    A pile of proctologists

    A stream of urologists


    The patient went to his doctor for a checkup, and the doctor wrote out a prescription for him in his usual illegible writing. The patient put it in his wallet, but he forgot to have it filled.

    However, every morning for two years, he showed it to the conductor as a railroad pass. Twice, it got him into the movies, once into the baseball park, and once into the symphony. He got a raise at work by showing it as a note from the boss.

    One day, however, he mislaid it.

    His daughter picked it up, played it on the piano, and won a scholarship to a conservatory of music.


    Two psychiatrists pass in the hall.

    The first says, "Hello."

    The other ponders all day,
    "I wonder what he meant by that."


    A young woman was in the hospital for 2 weeks, recovering from major surgery. She was utterly bored by the 5th day, and the daily routine was starting to get to her.

    For example, every morning the nurse would bring her breakfast which always consisted of an egg, piece of toast, and glass of apple juice. She would then return a little bit later to empty the urine bottle.

    And so it continued...

    By the 8th day, she decided to have a little fun. She ate the eggs and the toast, but went to the bathroom where she cleaned the urine bottle out, then poured the apple juice into it.

    When the nurse returned later that morning, she took a look at the bottle and a frown came over her face as she observed:

    "Obviously, you enjoyed your breakfast, but something must be wrong because this looks a little cloudy," she said, pointing to the urine bottle.

    "Oh, really?" she replied, picking up the bottle in question and putting it to her lips.

    "...In that case, I'd better run it through again..."


    Pharmacist handing prescription to customer:

    "Take one of these every four hours.
    OR at least as often as you can get the cap off."


    and lastly, an unanswerable question (except maybe by Rock):

    When a doctor himself needs doctoring so that another doctor doctors the doctor, does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor the doctor the way the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring of the doctor being doctored doctor as he wants to doctor?

    [This Message was Edited on 10/09/2008]
  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    as usual, Victoria.

    In response to your question:

    A doctor who doctored his friend,
    Said, Now is the time this must end.

    No matter what I
    Think is good for this guy,

    He tells me, "That won't make me mend."


  3. victoria

    victoria New Member

    you BOTH had excellent answers!