Men don't yah just luv em

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by tansy, Oct 27, 2007.

  1. tansy

    tansy New Member

    Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners?
    So men can remember them.

    Why is a man different from a computer?
    You only have to tell the computer once.

    A man had his credit card stolen. He however decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

    There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spends it.

    The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."

    The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."

    The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."

    The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money and decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.
    Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
    They won't stop to ask directions.

    A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!"
    The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!"
    They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road and dies. If only men would listen.

    Mother to daughter advice:
    Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
    But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.

    How does a man take a bubble bath?
    He eats beans for dinner.

    Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
    They already have boyfriends.
    [This Message was Edited on 10/28/2007]
  2. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    Thanks for the laugh.


    Nancy B
  3. tansy

    tansy New Member

    Man's best friend

    A dog is truly a man's best friend.

    If you don't believe it, just try this experiment:

    Put your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.

    When you open the boot, just see which one is really happy to see you.


    Question: What is the difference between men and puppies?
    Answer: Puppies grow up.

    Question: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
    Answer: Because they are ...

    Question: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles? Answer: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.

    Question: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first? Answer: Who cares?

    Question: What did God say after he created man?
    Answer: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!

    Question: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO?
    Answer: I don't know, I've never seen either.

    Question: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
    Answer: i) no mind ii) no business

    Question: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
    Answer: Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions.

    Question: What is the difference between men and pigs? Answer: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

    Question: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
    Answer: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no intention of driving.

    Question: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
    Answer: Exchange him!

    Question: Why do men like smart women?
    Answer: Opposites attract.
  4. jole

    jole Member

    I thought they were funny too. My husband on the other hand....
  5. Doober

    Doober New Member

    Why we men getting picked on huh??????????????

    You know what??? I don't have to play Dumb, it just comes naturally!!!!!!!!!
  6. Toga

    Toga Member

    You know how to grow your own dope?

    Plant a man

  7. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    For the funny many jokes you post-you must be British as you say boot instead of trunk.