MEN uuugghhh love em hate em

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by tandy, May 10, 2008.

  1. tandy

    tandy New Member

    Ok,.. this is gonna be a weird kinda off the wall question for all you in long term relationships.

    cuttin to the chase :)
    I've been with my current guy-friend for almost 17 yrs.
    I sware the first 10 yrs or so we hardly ever argued about anything!! He seemed perfect. we seemed perfect. let me add that we had 2 children together ages 15 and 11.
    My question is: do ALL relationships eventually kinda go flat?? Its just so boring. We never do anything for us. The sex has dwindled down to about once every 10 days~
    I miss that feeling of really being in love.(and really feeling loved) Maybe i'm hitting mid-life crisis? is that what they call it? LOL
    just thinking out loud,and hoping others relate somehow.
    Is it just me? or, do alot of couples go thru a 'dry spell'
    does it get better?
    Thanks for letting me ask
  2. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    Anyone in a long term relationship will go through the ups and downs of life. Things can get boring, busy, stressful, lonely and everything else in between.

    The difference in a long term relationship is that you stick it out and find happiness again. Maybe not the initial 'new love' kind of happiness, but the settled in 'there's no one I'd rather be with in the entire world' kind of happiness.

    Is your age at a place where your hormones could be a bit wacky? I wish I'd known then what I do now about hormones and moods....

    Think about it, boring isn't really a bad thing at all. It just means there's nothing catastrophic going on at the moment.

    My husband and I are very complimentary to each other. We always say thank you for the little things, they add up and mean so much.

    Gratitude is a wonderful way back to happiness. Look at all the little things he does and thank him for them...he may look surprised at first but it's contagious too.


  3. tandy

    tandy New Member

    Its just nice to know that whats happening is normal.(for the most part)

    Yes,... (Nancy) my hormones I'm sure are wacked!
    thou my Gyno has'nt tested, I suspected something "not right"
    but my dr. says I'm probably too young. (yea,... go figure) I have'nt heard the 'too young phrase' in a long time. I'm 45.
    and I'm sure my hormones are playing a part.

    I feel kinda left out,not needed, since the boys are getting older. Kinda depressed about that and just having too many health issues keeping me from enjoying things I use to.
    Moms give up so much of themselves to raise kids,.. and then when they don't need you as much,.. your kinda lost.
    Oh well. enough of me,...
    I apreciate you both talking to me~
  4. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    is the thing I cherish in my marriage. The rest could go by the board really, it is the fact that we are true best friends that counts more than anything.

    When my husband got his brain injury, everything changed for us, we lost most of our friends too. I do think that just living one day at a time and trying to make the slow times a little more accepting, is fine. Men are creatures of habit, and do not like change that much usually.

    Just try and imagine life without one another to really appreciate the life, however flat, you have together. Our biggest fear is what will the other do when that time comes when one of us leaves forever? We are such companions.

    My SIL was always complaining about her spouse (my brother) and really got a wake up call when he was on life support for several months and has been left crippled now. She had thought for many years how flat their lives were, that there was no interest or real love. But she learned just how strongly attached they really were when he was in hospital. Ditto for my brother too.

    It is very normal to just fit nicely into a routine when you are together this long. It is the people who are not able to do that I worry about, as usually it means they are out having a fling elsewhere!!!

    Enjoy one another, and take time to smell the roses together.

    Love Annie
  5. tandy

    tandy New Member

    for adding on.

    you've made some good points~

    Hows the music coming along?
    (God,I hope I've got the right person LOL)
    I don't trust my memory as far as I can throw :)
  6. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    Everything you talk about sounds so familiar to me from a few years ago.

    I actually forgot to plan for life after my kids I got a dog.... I needed something to 'baby' and it helped.

    I had to recreate a life I enjoy to make myself feel useful again. That's when I relearned to crochet and gave away the things I made to charity. It helped me feel connected to the world again and helped me to feel like I was contributing to it.

    I retaught myself how to sew, so I make the cute jammy pants that I live in now and make them for my sick friends and relatives. It brings me joy...and I also spend hours online choosing fabrics that are just right for each person.

    And if your kids don't need you as much anymore then that means that you've done your job WELL!!!!!!!!!!!

    And're not too young for your hormones to be completely out of whack!!

    I'm 46 now but began taking Effexor 5 years ago because my hormones were just off the charts. I calmly explained to my doctor that I had become the 'bitch woman from hell' and he wrote the prescription. My son was coming to visit and I knew that if he saw me like that, he'd never come back, lol!

    He also prescribed a low dose hormone patch for me that I still need sometimes. It helped so much.