Miseries

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by jfrustrated, Oct 9, 2005.

  1. jfrustrated

    jfrustrated New Member

    Hi. This is just a winge. I have to have another colonoscopy tomorrow. I had one several years ago and they removed lots of polops and so now time is up to have another one. I on the fleet etc and things are going okay - but I am sooooooo miserable, I just keep crying. I am feeling so alone. I live alone, which I usually love. I have no family, which is okay because I do not have to explain why I am sick all the time to people who may not understand. I have retained a few good friends in the 8 years that I have not worked because of ME/CFS, but I try not to rely on them for things that I can do myself. I am quite capable of catching a taxi to the hospital tomorrow and getting another one home. There is plenty of food in the fridge for the next few days, if I do not feel well enough to go out. So everything is under control. But I feel so miserable - not depressed, not suicidal - just miserable. The cat is doing all she can to keep me company and follows me around everywhere, but it is not enough. I did not have this emotional flare-up last time. Is it the fleet medication? jfrustrated
  2. Grandma6

    Grandma6 New Member

    You are Brave,

    I admire you and wish I had your bravery. I am scared silly about my colonoscopy. This is the 1st one I've ever had and I know I could not go through this without my hubby by my side, (altough I'm curious to see how close by my side he'll be the night before when I will be hugging the toilet or so I've been told) LOL. I am a weakling with just about anything. I tell folks that if my husband dies before me they had better hold off on burying him bedcause I'll be dying shortly after him. I can not even imagine not having him. When his job sent him away for the first time & we had been married around 6 years, I made my daughter sleep in the bed with me becasue I could not sleep alone and my doctor ended up having to give me something to sleep because I was an emotionaly disaster.

    Now I know most people say I depend on him too much but we are both 52 years old, have known each other since we were 13 and have been married for almost 32 years now. Before we were married I was stronger and very independent but over the years I guess I have really changed. He is my best friend and I know he carry's a lot of weight on his shoulders since I depend on him so much, but that is the way it is.

    I'm not an expert but I would guess your feeling miserable because even though you appear to be strong, I think we all need someone to lean on when we are going thorugh something like this.

    I will keep you in my prayers and please let me know how your experience is with your colonoscopy, maybe it will help me to calm down before mine.

    God Bless,
    Grandma6
  3. jeduanboneis

    jeduanboneis New Member


    I am with you. I have no family either to speak of (an alcoholic cousin, only) and I used to love living alone. And then I got married for the first time at age 50 and I can't say that it is better of worse. We have had to learn survival and noone understands how strong you can become and how content you can become and really how independent feels.

    But when I was single and I would be real sick, I would get real, real depressed. I learned that I didn't like to be alone when I was going through a hard time physically and being married I have learned that we are still alone when we are sick, because who can understand how we really feel with a chronic illness ?????

    So just know that there is someone else out there who doesn't have family either and that my prayers for comfort are with you. I think it was easier for me to be sick and be single than it is for me to be sick and have to try to defend and explain myself.

    Why we suffer, I don't know. But there is supernatural help for us all.

    Lovingly,
    Jeanne