mom is breaking my heart

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rmc20021, Feb 10, 2006.

  1. rmc20021

    rmc20021 New Member

    Help!!! This is going to be long

    Where do I begin???

    2 years ago, my husband and I found a house which needed extensive refurbishing, including doors and windows. Fortunately, the entire house is cement and brick and totally sound.

    I asked my mother to actually 'buy' the house and we would use our money that we had in savings to begin making the repairs. The house went into her name with the understanding that we were to pay her off (18,000.00) when we sold our other property.

    We sold the other property and paid her what our equity had been on that property leaving a few thousand dollars left owed. She then put the property into my name only by quit claim deed.

    Making a long story short, I was making 500.00 per month payments on what I owed her, which by the way, she would never tell me exactly what that amount was.

    Then, I found out my husband was having an affair and quickly put the house back into my mom's name so hubby couldn't touch it in divorce.

    Last week, my mom came to me and said they were taking a loan out on the house for 25,000.00. Five was what I had left owed to her and she said that she needed to get 'something' out of as well. And, that if I was not able to make the payments on the loan, that it would have to go into forclosure because she is old enough now that it doesn't matter whether her credit is hurt or not.

    She knows I'm in a contested divorce with my husband and that he is wanting to virtually get out of this marriage scott free...walk out on me, our two teenage daughters and the home we were working on together...without paying me any money. And she knows that when my girls turn 18, the only income I would have would be the very small amount of ssdi I'll be getting. Yet, then she comes and tells me basically that she'll have 20,000 in her hand and I'll be sitting on the curb.

    I was floored!!!! Well, I had recently paid her 5,000.00 which I'd just gotten from my ssdi lump payment. So when she told me what her plan was, I decided to stop payment on that check.

    Then she came over and told me she was having me arrested for giving her a 'bad' check, and put a lock on my garage which has a lot of my belongings still packed inside.

    Now she has been living on this property for the whole 2 years in her fifth wheel....free of charge (because I'd wanted her near in case anything happened to her, but not necessarily that close...she is very controlling, has to have everything her way, won't listen to anyone else's reasoning, and has made every decision about everything around here cause I didn't want to cause any problems and kept my mouth shut) Now that I've decided not to take her crap any more, she doesn't like it and is doing everything possible to 'show' she still has control of me and trying to make me do what she wants.

    I was very hurt at first, then angry, and now just numb. I'm trying so hard to stay calm as my blood pressure has begun to soar.

    I don't really know what I expect from posting this....I just needed to get it off my chest. But, I also feel so guilty. She has always made me feel guilty about everything!!!!

    The good news is: my husband is agreeing to stand by my side on this, especially since his attorney had told him that signing the house back to my mom was an illegal transaction because we were still married and because of that, the house was considered joint property, even though it was only in my name, therefore legally causing that transaction to be null and void...giving me full control of my house again.

    But, it will all have to go through the legal process...but in the meantime, my mom has contacted a realtor and is having it listed for sale. As soon as I find out which realtor, I'm contacting them myself and letting them know this property is in a legal dispute. I'd let the attorneys do that, but we all know how well they return our phone calls.

    Sorry this is so long, and yes, I do know the purpose of writing this to begin with. According to what I've described, does anyone have a clue where I'm going to stand in losing/saving my home????
  2. poodlemommy

    poodlemommy New Member

    wow what a mess. Sounds like in future she can not be trusted and best to not put her name on anything. Hope you can sort this out.
    poodlemum
  3. JLH

    JLH New Member

    I won't call her "Mom" since that is a term on endearment!

    Do you have an attorney for yourself for the divorce? If so, I think you need to contact one and tell him/her this entire story!

  4. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    Go get an attorney immediately. I believe she is trying to breach a contract with you. I am not an attorney, but please get one immediately!!!!!
  5. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    I suggest you contact a real estate attorney.
  6. rmc20021

    rmc20021 New Member

    for all the responses.

    there is no mortgage on the home at all so there was no co-signer...it was just a matter of trust between myself and my mother. I still can't believe she has done this to me.

    I wrote her a long, long letter and left it on her door last night telling her that if she had only tried to talk to me about this instead of just telling me that was the way it was going to be and that was it, things could have been differently.

    This morning the police showed up at my door regarding the check, and I told him I'd stopped payment on it so they left.

    But the zoning commissioner came by to tell them they couldn't be living in the fifth wheel in the back yard. My husband had called them.

    As for my husband and myself getting back together, that won't be happening. He'd left me for someone else several months ago and is living with his girlfriend, and I've moved on with my life and have a wonderful boyfriend who I will eventually be getting married to.

    I only hope my husband is right about what his attorney is saying that the contract I'd signed to put it back into my mom's name is void.
  7. rmc20021

    rmc20021 New Member

    well....still sitting here waiting to see what will happen. I've called so many attorney's on this and ONLY one has returned my call. He said the same thing as my husband's attorney...that because we were married at the time I signed the house over to my mom that it was marital property and can make the quit claim deed void. I'm hoping.

    In the meantime, the zoning commisioner has given my mom till April 1 to move the camper. I cannot take her being there for that long. She's been a total nuisance all along, but now she's even worse.

    She gave my 15 yo daughter the finger the other day when she drove past our house to get to the backyard to her camper and every time they drive by, the go real slow and look in our windows (that has been going on for 2 years).

    If I wanted to be mean about this, I could turn off their water, electric and cable....but I refuse to stoop to the level she has. As hard as it is sometimes, I just sit here and wait for legal action instead of taking things into my own hands.

    The thing that hurts the most is knowing there is no talking to her. Never has been. Everything has always had to be her way or no way....with everyone. Now that I'm not letting her control me, she doesn't like it so well.

    I already talked to her doctor a couple months ago about her mental health and how she seems to be getting more confused and forgetful. I have an appointment to go see him this afternoon and will tell him what is going on to see what he has to say.

    She has always had problems getting along with people but it has gotten much worse. I don't know how many times I've had to come to her rescue when she's gotten into arguements and near fights with people cause she wouldn't keep her mouth shut...again, wanting everything her way.
  8. kch64

    kch64 New Member


    Could it be that someone else, like your dad, stepfather, or her boyfriend, or one of your siblings talked her into this?

    Sounds like someone may have helped her scheme on this one.

    Not that it changes things. I'm sorry for this. How it must hurt to think your mom could do this to you.

    I'll pray for your strength to get through all this.

    You need to forget about her after this is done. She's a manipulator even if she gave birth to you.

    K.
  9. rockyjs

    rockyjs Member

    You mentioned her mental health...it's not at all unusual for people with early and mid stage Alzheimer's to begin to show hostility and irrational behavior like this. And it's much more pronounced if they've been controlling and independent all their lives anyway.

    My mom seems to be perfectly normal most of the time and can fool a lot of people, but her she became increasingly forgetful, hostile toward her family and friends, and paranoid. She was recently diagnosed with dementia based on an MRI and the clinical symptoms and we are turning her over to a guardian/conservator after her competency hearing this week.

    It's been heartbreaking for us, too, so I feel for you. She could always hurt with words but we still had a pretty good relationship. Now I dread talking to her and she has been very nasty on a couple of occasions. Surprisingly she moved into an assisted living center a few weeks ago (which we thought was going to be our biggest fight) because she decided a neighbor was going to sue her and she wanted to get out of her house. She also accused friends, family and neighbors of stealing things and would sit up all night trying to catch them!

    I'm glad you'll be talking to her doctor. Many families put up with abusive behavior for years when it could be treated or at least understood in the context of dementia.

    Jan