moms in hosp . again

Discussion in 'General Health & Wellness' started by nervousnancy, Mar 26, 2003.

  1. nervousnancy

    nervousnancy New Member

    hi, everyone.. my mom who is 78 has had alzheimers for the last 5 years . she lived with me for two of those years..
    i bathed her , fed her, cleaned her diapers... after she almost choked to death ( i was rite in the next room ) i decided it was time to put her in a nursing home... she is in the last stages and didn't realize where she was or who i am... i remember my grandfather had alheirmers also and mom telling god nanc don't ever let me get like this !!
    i have no family . i have her on Dnr.. and she is now in hosp. she is alert.. but doesnt' know where she is who she is or who i am... and is on a feeding tube. she almost died in sept. i couldn't make a decison then ... about the dnr.. i think the guilt would kill me.. not having her at home is bad enough.. she is (was) my best friend.. but what about her quality of life.. she cant walk , cant talk, cant eat.. but she can smile, i'm so lost.. sorry if i wrote too much . i'm on my way to the hosp. now.. she is getting blood.. they don't k now yet where she is bleeding from..
    thanx for letting me vent.. any suggestions appreciated..
    peaceful hearts to everyone
    nancy
  2. danisue22

    danisue22 New Member

    Hi Nancy, I have to tell you that my heart goes out to you. It's got to be the hardest thing to do.Sometimes we have to come to the point where what we can do is just not enough. I don't mean to sound uncaring as I've been where you are, only with a mentally ill daughter who had children. I did'nt want to give up and let anyone else do the job I thought should be mine.She is my oldest child and was a dear sweet person to be around when she was'nt sick I love her very much and I miss her so sometimes ,but she has been living in a place where there are many more people like her and most of the time she seems to be happy.It took me 13 years to finally get to the point where I could'nt handle her anymore.I've helped raise her 3 children and now they are grown.Her youngest will be 25 in may and all three have children of their own.1 has a degree in accounting ,1 is in her 3rd year of college and the youngest is still trying to find his way. She was very abusive to him and he does'nt see her at all. the other 2 see her a couple of times a month.I have RA and FM and I'm just to sick to handle her anymore.If she became violent now if I had her home I would'nt be able to handle her. I know how hard this is and my heart is at your feet. God bless you girl in all your efforts and I know you'll do what you feel is best. But don't ever feel guilty as God has a plan for us all. I did'nt mean to raddle on . Your story just touched a very long and knotted chord in my own heart. Danisue
  3. catb

    catb New Member

    I know you love her very much and it is a terrible loss for you. the truth is she's already gone and she made her wishes known to you when she was mentally able to. My grandmother was very similar during her last years. My aunt who was the her conservateur couldn't let her go, so she lingered for another two years in that alsheimer twilight life. Really none of us know what kind of thoughts run through their damaged minds, if they are in pain or if they are suffering. we have no way to know because they can't tell us. In my grandma's case I think my aunt made a mistake. Grandma had no quality of life those last years she was just there. my aunt who took care of her had no life either. good luck to you Cathy
  4. LuckyMe

    LuckyMe New Member

    Hi. I respect you greatly for devoting your time and energy during such a difficult time. Your mom loves you for it. I just wanted to tell you that I worked in a nursing home with residents much like your mom. I would try to enrich their lives in any way possible, wither or not I knew they could understand me or not.

    One thing I found during that year was music was an excellent way to reach some of the residents. For instance, one of my favorite residents wouldn't speak and was usually very combative with the staff. Most of the staff did not like taking care of her. I, however, had the opportunity to get to know her years before she became so ill. Anyways, she and I would sing the entire song
  5. LuckyMe

    LuckyMe New Member

    Sorry...for some reason the rest of my post was cut off.

    I just wanted to tell you to hang in there...I know, easier said than done. Take care.
  6. linnykay55

    linnykay55 New Member

    Nervousnancy,
    I can only imagine what you are going through as I am going through something similar, if only at a distance. If you look on the postings, you will see my message. My grandmother has Alzheimer's and lives far away, but the whole situation is breaking my heart. It's so hard to know what to do in these situations. My mom lives close to where my grandmother is and has healthcare power of attorney, so she makes the decisions. But we talk about my grandma every week and my mother wants my advice and suggestions as I do work in the healthcare industry. I truly believe that you have to consider the person's quality of life and honor their wishes, no matter how hard that may be. It sounds like your mom did express her desires; my grandmother never did. I can tell that you love your mom very much and it seems that you have given her the very best care possible, and you should feel good about that. Alzheimer's is such a devastating illness; not only to the person who has the disease, but for the family, as well. I truly sympathize with you and hope you can feel more comfortable with the decisions you make. Keep in touch.

    Healing, peaceful thoughts for you and your mother....
    Linnykay55