Moral question

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Hawkeye, Nov 27, 2006.

  1. Hawkeye

    Hawkeye New Member

    I have a question for you all.........something that really bothers me a lot and I just don't know how to let go of it or how to deal with it and I know many people have had the same thing happen.

    A few years back I met a guy and we hit it off, started dating. After a few months he shared with me that he was in trouble with his Federal Income Tax and I at the time had extra money to share so I foolishly loaned him 1000.00.

    He then payed me back a hundred bucks here and there to a total of 375.00. He then insisted that he payed it all back. Now if this wasn't the worst part after 5 months I found out he was married. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

    Anyway, I can't let go of the fact that he owes me this money and I really, really want it back. How do I let this go? Why does it still bother me so much?

    Would it just be unacceptable for me to mention it to this person again to try to get some more paid back or do I just need to chalk it up to an unfortunate life lesson and try to forget about it?

    Any ideas?

    I know...dumb dumb me.

  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    have any documentation? Probably not if you were operating in romance mode at the time.

    Anyway, if you do, you could file in small claims court assuming the statute of limitations hasn't run.

    You could drop by his house and leave a message w/ his wife. But she probably already knows he is a jerk. Is it likely he will get violent?

    Don't start talking about I will tell your wife if you don't pay me. This could lead to big trouble. A charge of blackmail or a violent payback.

    I don't see this as a moral question. It's very clear he is in the wrong. But I do see potential problems.

    It's impossible to go thru life w/o getting cheated and taken advantage of sometimes. Might be best to let it go. Ask your tax man if you can deduct it as a loss.

    Good luck.
  3. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    My parents always told me to NEVER lend money with out a contract and also If I lend it never expect to get it back
    that way you will always be prepared if they didnt pay it back and pleasantly surprised if they do.
  4. If you have a way of contacting him I would ask for it back. If he says he doesn't have it, ask him if his WIFE knows he borrowed it from you. That may do the trick.
  5. MrJohn

    MrJohn New Member

    I would forget about the money, chalk it up to experience! It really isn’t worth the heart ach or the stress that it causes to try and get it back!

    Good luck

    [This Message was Edited on 11/28/2006]
  6. zerosb3

    zerosb3 New Member

    Where I live, even if you could win in small claims, the court can't make them pay you. They just issue a judgment against the person so they can't buy any property in this county. Really stinks! I agree with some of the others that I would just let it go. It isn't worth the stress and emotional upset it is causing you. And I sure wouldn't let him live rent free in my head!


  7. Jana1

    Jana1 New Member

    That was a great line about living rent free in your mind..
  8. Hawkeye

    Hawkeye New Member

    You guys are the greatest, you really have helped me put my mind at ease and have given me great advice!

    I love the "rent free" comment too...I need to just let it go.

    I like the contract and to remember that you probably will never get the money back from the get go.

    I learned a valuable lesson with this situation, I was obviously way too trusting in the past. I should have known better.

    I just don't have any money to buy my kids Christmas gifts so I have been hashing around in my mind ways to get a bit of money. I guess I should have not been so lose with it in the past and maybe I would have it now huh?

    Anyway, thanks to you all!!
  9. LorieG

    LorieG New Member

    there are always so many ways to look at things. I hate being taken advantage of, even if there is a lesson to be learned......I would still have to have some type of closure.

    I would probably do something like send him a card like a christmas card.....that is coming up. I would address it to both him and his wife. I would put the details inside with a note saying that I have been waiting for the remainder of the balance, but thought if he was unable to make good on his word of paying me back, that he must need the money more than me...(for his wife's plastic surgery...LOL) Just kiddin! Anyway, I would put the amount borrowed, then what he paid and then the balance as a gift from me to him!

    Wow, Im a little bugger!!!! LOL. Hope it made you laugh a bit!

  10. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    I would put that it was money saved for your childrens Christmas......but do not dwell on it. Nothing nasty at all or sweet either.

    ================More after above:
    I just read your posting was a few yrs. maybe even though I was hoping to get the remainer owed so Santa could bring Christmas (Or something like that???)
    [This Message was Edited on 11/29/2006]
  11. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    First of all, Karen, quit blaming yourself. You trusted someone to be who they said they were and they weren't, period. All of us need and want love. It's only human to do things we think will bring us closer to meeting that need. They're not always very smart in an intellectual way but love is rarely an intellectual pursuit.

    Next, perhaps you can deduct this loss at tax time but even if not, I hope you chalk this experience up to furthering your education. Hey, ask if you can claim it as an educational expense! I doubt that you'll do this again so you've learned a great lesson.

    Most of all, please, instead of blaming yourself, pat yourself on the back for being a giving person. Next time just don't give quite so quickly. "I love you, can you loan me $1,000K?" will raise a very red flag.

    Hugs to you,
  12. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    It is "fun" sometimes to think of things to do. But not always wise to do.

    Chalk it up to experience. We've all done something or another in our lifes that we regret. But forget him and let someone else rent that space......LOL.

    Love, Susan