more hilarious emails

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Catseye, Feb 8, 2007.

  1. Catseye

    Catseye Member

    Ole vas vorking at the fish plant up nort in U.P. vhen he accidentally cut off all ten of his finkers.
    He vent to da emergency room in da Clinik and vhen he got dar da Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, "Let's have da finkers and I'll see vhat I can do."
    Ole said, "I haven't got da finkers."

    "Vhat do you mean, you hafen't got da finkers?" he said. "Lord-it's 2007 and Ive's got microsurgery and
    all kinds of incredible techniques. I could hafe put dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn't you
    brink da finkers?

    Ole says........"How da vok vas I supposed to pick dem up?

    ___________________________________________________________________________


    Morris and his wife went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter." Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."?
    One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance. Esther replied, "Morris, that helicopter is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."
    The pilot overheard the couple and, thinking there could well be some fun in this for him, said to them, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. Ill take you both up! If you can stay quiet for the whole ride, not say a word, I won't charge you a dime. If you do say a word, the charge is 50 dollars for you both.?
    Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.

    The pilot did all kinds of fancy moves. Not a word was heard. He did his dare devil tricks over and over, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "I did everything I could to make you yell out, but you didn't and I'm impressed!"?

    Morris replied, "Well, I was going to say something when Esther fell out, but 50 dollars is 50 dollars!"

    __________________________________________________________________________

    The owner of a golf course in College Station was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

    He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from A&M and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

    The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my Earrings."

    ********************************************************

    A group of Western Texas friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

    "Where's Bubba?" the others asked.

    "Bubba had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.

    "You left Bubba laying out there and carried the deer back?" they Inquired.

    "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Bubba!"

    **********************************************************************

    A Texas State trooper pulled over a pickup on the new I-35. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"

    The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
    __________________________________________________________________________

    More of Kids Say the Darnedest Things:

    I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
    She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!

    HONESTY
    My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet.
    So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage .Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom
    And came out with my toothbrush.
    He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.



  2. xchocoholic

    xchocoholic New Member


    > > Choosing a wife
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among
    > >three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and
    > >watches to see what they do with the money.
    > >
    > >
    > > The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon
    > >gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses
    up
    > >very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more
    > >attractive for him because she loves him so much
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > The man was impressed.
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new
    > >set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive
    > >clothes As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all
    > >the money on him because she loves him so much.
    > >
    > >
    > > Again, the man is impressed.
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several
    > >times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the
    remainder
    > >in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future
    > >because she loves him so much.
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > Obviously, the man was impressed.
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done
    with
    > >the money he'd given her.
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > Men are like that, you know.
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    >

  3. Catseye

    Catseye Member

    Hi xchocoholic,

    that's probably why Tony married me!

    We adopted 2 doggies off Judy yesterday, who had the 30 puppies. And there was another lady and her neighbor getting 3 while I was there. So at least she's moving puppies!

    Tony named them Phoebe and Bebe. Phoebe is actually Bebe's momma. Phoebe was caught a few months ago and she delivered puppies and Bebe's the last one. My MIL's name is Phoebe and my mom's name is Bebe. When these ladies find out what we named our dogs, they're gonna kill us.

    karen
  4. xchocoholic

    xchocoholic New Member

    Yep, they will kill u for sure ... LOL

    So, is Paco all better now ? Marcia