Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by tlayne, Aug 12, 2006.

  1. tlayne

    tlayne Member

    Where are you? I have been missing you. I saw your post where your computer was fixed, but I haven't seen you since. I hope you are doing good. I miss you. Love ya, Tam
  2. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    I really don't know where i've been!

    I've just kinda shut down for awhile, haven't been in contact with much of anyone lately.

    I think i'm stuck in some two dimentional world, with everything kinda flat, and gray.

    This is probable the first time i've been on here in over a month. It's nice to see a friendly face.

    Thanks Tam, are you still working??

    I have to go out of town with family tomorrow morning until wednesday.
    I promise to check back when i get home, I hope i have some energy for my kids, and the zoo. We are turning my Dr. appointment into a quick family vacation, before school starts.

  3. tlayne

    tlayne Member

    I am so happy to hear from you! I am praying for you to have a good outcome on your MD appt, and for you to have energy to enjoy your children and vacation!

    I have been having issues also. But I am doing good today! Praise God!

    I really have missed you! Please take care of yourself, and let me know how the MD appt goes. Oh, I will also add a safe trip in my prayers for you! Love you, Tam

    I forgot to answer, Yes I am still working! Only three days a week most of the time. I had to take off some days here in the last month, but my boss is so understanding! I praise God for that! My boss is wonderful! She has the same value in quality care as I do, so this is my dream job!

    Are you going thru depression? Lots of times during a flare the depression comes due to the decrease in health, and the limitations that go along with it. I am sure that you already know this. I f you need to talk or need prayer I am here. Love, Tam
    [This Message was Edited on 08/13/2006]
  4. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    I'm glad to hear you are still working, it's great to have a boss that will understand and work with you.

    I think i'm having a hard time being back to no life; I had a glimpse of normal and it was great. For about two weeks, i was almost doing anything i wanted to do. I had my mind back and no pain or heart palp.
    Life was fun again, it's really hard to lose that again, even tho i'm very thankful for that short time!

    However, i have always gone thur periods in my life where i just need to withdraw from people and things.

    Somtimes it's really hard, and painfull to read about how much pain and trouble others are in, it makes me sad.

    I could only cope with my own life for awhile.

    But i sure have missed all the friends i've made here.
    I think when my kids go back to school, it will be easier to be back on here, it's kinda addictive, and my family was needing me.

    I was able to go riding three times last month! It was a gift from God.

    Take Care Tam
    Your a special girl, did you ever get to meet your daughter?? I can't remember all the details, i'll have to go back and read the old post.
  5. tlayne

    tlayne Member

    Ya, I am still here. I get you about sometimes being on here too much. And I also get you when all you can do is look and not reply too much due to your own pain and misery.

    You are such an inspiration to me and so many others here! I just missed you. Please know that you are very special to me and others here. I really feel like you are family to me! As a matter of fact I share more with you and my other family here then I do with my own family.

    I know it is so hard when you have a times of good health and then BAMM, it hits you like a brick wall. Do you ever have times when you feel so good that you think..."how could I ever have been so sick". I even used to think that It must have been in my head. Now the times that I feel so good are farer and fewer between. And now I think, "what did it feel like to me healthy". Funny how that happens.

    About my daughter. It is a sad and trying time for me right now. Her adoptive parents are alcoholics. She doesn't have contact with the dad anymore, and she didn't have much contact with the mom until she fould out that Shelby found me. Shelby told me that they have never been close (which I have some hard feelings about). Since Shelb has been here they are spending alot of time together. That is okay with me except that I know she is laying a lot of guilt on her shoulders. That is what alcoholics seem to be able to do the best of.

    My daughter e-mailed me the other day saying amoung other things that she is having a hard time. She said that she expected to find someone who just didn't have it all together, but that I was perfect ( I am far from perfect). She wanted to know what was wrong with her that I didn't keep her. This is breaking my heart.

    I responded to her that I have strived my whole life to be a good person, for the day that when I would be with her again that she would be proud of me. I feel really decieved by her adoptive parents. They painted such a pretty ppicture. I believed with my whole heart that she was far bbetter off with them then she would ever be with me. let me post again to you because this one is messed up.
  6. tlayne

    tlayne Member

    I don't know what happened, but I could not see all of my post to you.

    Anyway, I have been e-mailing her with heartfelt responses and I haven't heard back yet. I have been crying for days. I haven't shared this with the rest of my family because I didn't want anyone to be upset with Shelby for hurting me.

    I understand her pain, and I have told her this. I am hoping that we can work thru this and have the relationship that I have always dreamed of.

    I have never prayed so hard or so much when I was carring Shelby. I prayed that he would help me pick the right family (yes, I picked them), and that he would give me the strength to do the right thing for her. I always thought that my pain would be her gain. this was to be an open adoption, but the adoptive family backed out of it. They sent me a nasty letter by their attorney. I thought I was being selfish. I would cry every time I talked to them, and I thought that it wasn't right that I cause them pain. It is so sad. I am having a hard time with God too. But deep down I know that he was there then, and he will help us work thru this hard time now.

    Sorry to go on. Please keep us in your prayers. Love ya, Tam
  7. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    Well, it took acouple days, but finally hitting; can't sleep, very tired, and hurting all over body, that down deep kinda hurt.

    We had fun playing in the water park, i would go back to the room and rest when i needed to, and did the zoo, it's a pretty small one so i did okay. Was just trying to not focus on myself, and just enjoying the kids! (thank goodness for advil and bengay!)

    Dr. appointment showed my blood work was fine, and he added another ABX to my treatment. He felt that my weeks (2)of good days was a good sign, i'm still abit sceptable about this whole lymes guinee pig thing.

    We got home on wed. late, and rested most of the day on
    Thursday,then got up and decided to throw the kids in the car and go to town an hour away to look at some rescue kitties, and get my sons glasses, and school pants.

    Don't know where i got the energy for that one??

    Fridays, back to town to grocery shop with hubby, very tired, and then Sat. i couldn't take it anymore!!!

    I started cleaning house!? Go figure, i was a mad woman, making my kids help, flours living room and kitchen, bathroom toilet, and 8 loads of laundry, Plus taking care of new kitty! (yes i brought one home) Slept on the couch with our other cat,who is very miffed about kitty, for about three hours!!

    Sunday, crashed!! Been in my pj ever since, tired and hurting, and can't seem to wake-up. But not really surprised at all.

    Sorrry about the long details, picture of new kitty in profile.

    Tam, you didn't know what would happen when you gave up your girl for adoption, you did what you thought was best at the time, I hope, and pray, that you will continue to work and develop a better and better relationship with her over time, and she will find healing in her relationships, and Jesus.
    Give her time, and keep pouring your hurt and pain out to the Lord. I sure hope you made it thur this week of work.
    Take care of yourself and get the rest you need.

    Littleblue thanks for responding to this post, and being a good friend, i like your prayer posts, i think i'll have to dig out my oswald devotional.

    Take Care, may the Lord bless you both, and everyone here.

  8. tlayne

    tlayne Member

    I am exhausted after reading your post! You went 100MPH. Please take care of your self and rest.

    About my daughter...she finally called!!!!! She said she was camping and could not use her cell phone. I am not sure if that is all the truth, but that is okay! I just do not want to lose her now that I have her! She has grown up very independant, and I always have to talk to my daughters everyday. I just need to give her space and keep letting her know that I LOVE HER slowly! Thank You for the encouragement! Love, Tam