Lately I have been trying to figure out why I feel so guilty about my mother. She is now age 90, in poor health. For several years I have had her in a nice assisted living place. It is to the point she needs a skilled nursing facility - she has severe degenerative disc disease, alot of pain issues. Sadly, my mother has been the most toxic person in my life. I don't know why. My doctor, who also sees her, said she was narcissistic and he understands how I feel. The problem is, even though she is less than 15 minutes from where I live, I don't go see her, except for some emergency. Even as she got older, she never stopped being mean to me. It was this way my entire life. I look at other families who are taking their parents into their homes or spending alot of time at the nursing home, overseeing everything and compare myself. With my situation, if I was around her I would have to see a psychiatrist myself. I cannot handle it. Many would think her behavior is because she is old. The truth is, she has always been like she is now. She is demanding, lies, mean to other people, basically everything revolves around her in every way. Growing up,I could not wait to get out of the house. I married young just to get away. I guess it was my own survival instinct. Sometimes my brother and I try to imagine what it would be like to have been in a home with parents who we felt loved us. We were such cute little kids. We have a picture of ourselves together - I was 2 and he was 5. I look at those cute little kids and remember how we were treated. It took me years to get over it. When I was around 28 I read the book "Your Inner Child of the Past" - It was a life changing experience and I did alot of work based on that book to overcome the damage from my childhood. I really have not overcome some things. For example, I have a hard time feeling I deserve success in my life. I started a business several years ago, and it has done well. But for some reason, somewhere in myself I feel I don't deserve it - I feel guilty and many times depressed. Does that sound ridiculous??? There is a book by Dr. John Sarno called the "Mind Body Connection" - I can't help but think the Fibro/CFS is connected to my emotions. I tried several times to talk to a psychologist but never seem to find one who I like. I somehow wind up thinking the psychologist has more problems that I do. Has anyone else grown up with toxic parents? and if so, how did you deal with it as an adult?