MOVED POST Top Ten Reasons You Know If You Have PMS

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Sharon, Apr 30, 2008.

  1. Sharon

    Sharon New Member

    Top Ten Reasons You Know If You Have PMS 04/30/08 12:20 PM

    1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

    2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelette.

    3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

    4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

    5. Your using your cellular phone to dial up every bumpersticker that says, "How's my driving- call 1-800-***-****.

    6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

    7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.

    8. You're counting down the days until menopause.

    9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

    10. The Ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

  2. 4everkid

    4everkid New Member

    This post made me think of something funny I saw before. I might have found it here...I don't remember. But it's worth another read anyway.

    (Slightly edited for content)

    An Open Letter to James Thatcher, Brand Manager, Proctor and Gamble

    Dear Mr. Thatcher,

    I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core™ or Dri-Weave™ absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

    Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

    As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

    Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."

    Are you ****ing kidding me?

    What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness—actual smiling, laughing happiness—is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?

    Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull***t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.


    Wendi Aarons
    Austin, TX

    Now THAT is PMS in full swing!
  3. springwater

    springwater Well-Known Member

    I suffer horribly from PMS. Sometimes i think im going crazy with all the palpitations and tremors and inability to think straight coupled with cravings and teariness. Why?

    4everkid - that was a HILARIOUS post! Since I'm safely over my cycle this month I can actually laugh at that. Thanks.

    God Bless

    If men had PMS I bet they would have found some effective drug by now. Grrrr....
  4. doloresf1

    doloresf1 New Member

    Feeling Insane, palpitations, trenors, insomnia, inability to think straight, cravings, and tearfullness. Weight gain, mood swings, touchiness, impulsiveness, and collapsing into a sobbing heap on my bed for no real reason.

    I have all these symptoms, and I haven't had a period in 17 years!! And I'm not on hormones. I don't think I'll ever get over PMS. But, I'm Sooo glad I am a Girl! I thoroughly enjoy being a girl. Wouldn't want it any other way.

    Oh, and I had my total hystorectomy 17 years ago at age 45. I don't miss my period one bit. Good bye. Good Riddence. Still, I'm glad to be a Girl.

    Oh, are we allowed to say period on this board? This is a coed board, and I said period twice. Please forgive me if I did wrong.

    Love to all,
  5. tandy

    tandy New Member

    Only a true PMS'er can read this and LOL and know that every bit of its true.
    if only I had the brains to copy and paste I'd save this,... and send it to a few friends for laughs.

    Thanks for sharing this :)
  6. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    12. You go to the store for chocolate and hollow point bullets.

  7. tandy

    tandy New Member

    Thats so funny~~ !!!
    Ya can't help but laugh

  8. 4everkid

    4everkid New Member

    Its really very simple:

    1. Press down and hold your LEFT mouse button to highlight the part you want to copy.

    2. Position your cursor over the highlighted area, click the RIGHT mouse button and click "copy".

    3. Now go to where you want to paste the info, (your email) LEFT click on the spot where you want to place it, RIGHT click again and choose "paste."

    Thats all there is to it!
  9. springwater

    springwater Well-Known Member

    hahahahahahahahahaha! Good One!

    God Bless
  10. tandy

    tandy New Member

    should my e-mail be opened up and ready to send?? or does'nt it matter if I then hafta go into my mailbox.?

    I never could figure that out. I'd always need someone here to help me. (how pathetic) lol

    thanks hun~ I apreciate it

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