MUST VENT *NOW*

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by shari1677, Mar 18, 2009.

  1. shari1677

    shari1677 New Member

    THIS IS IN ALL CAPS FOR A REASON - BECAUSE I AM VERY ANGRY RIGHT NOW AND I NEED TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST.

    FIRST, I'M 41 AND WAS DIAGNOSED WITH FM ABOUT 5 YEARS AGO. I AM ABLE TO WORK THIRD SHIFT AT HOME, BUT I CAN'T DO MUCH ELSE...I'M IN TOO MUCH PAIN AND TOO TIRED.

    I WAS TALKING TO MY MOM TODAY AND SHE BROUGHT UP RETIREMENT - I TOLD HER THAT I DIDN'T THINK I WOULD MAKE IT TO RETIREMENT BECAUSE OF MY ILLNESS.

    SHE LAUGHED AT ME.
    SHE LAUGHED AT ME.
    SHE LAUGHED AT ME.
    SHE LAUGHED AT ME.

    SHE TOLD ME THAT THERE WAS NO REASON FOR ME TO BELIEVE I COULDN'T MAKE IT UNTIL RETIREMENT - I JUST NEEDED TO FIGHT HARDER.

    I'M GOING TO CRY NOW.
  2. Pebbles730

    Pebbles730 New Member

    ***hugs*** to Shari. I understand how you are feeling and how hurtful those comments can be when you are trying so hard and fighting every single day. It seems that you are fighting and getting no where and people don't understand just how hard you really fight every day. But on the other side, I don't think your mom meant to put you down in any way. I just think that she does not totally understand just how you are feeling and in her own way she was just trying to encourage you to not give up. Parents want to see their children as strong and I am sure in some way it bothers her alot that she cannot do anything to help you. I think she just meant to give you some encouragement as that is the only thing she can do to help you right now.

  3. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    I'm SO sorry. You need to tell your Mom, YOU CAN'T. This is not a normal illness where you can push through it - you have no control over what is happening to your body. You are already suffering enough physically - the emotional torture being put on you is too much.
    TELL HER how hard this is mentally - let alone physically.

    Side note- although I have an incredibly supportive family - my Mom has been hospitlized with excruating back pain (long story) Morphine wasn't even relieving all the pain. Anyway - other people (before being hospitalized) were telling her she had to push through the pain and learn to live with it. I argued that thinking. FINALLY the doctors told everyone, NO, she can't push through the pain - AND when she needs pain meds, she is to take them - no worrying about habituation, being out of pain and having quality of life is way more important. Yea, someone confirmed what I have been saying!!

    Don't ever stop standing up for yourself. I know sometimes we are so shocked and hurt by comments, but until people FEEL what we are feeling, they really won't fully get it.
    Maybe have a heart to heart with your Mom if you have a good relationship with her. Tell her how hurt you are by her attitude and comments. Give her stats on FM - how many can't even work - are on disability etc.

    Cry it out, then fight....for yourself. (whether or not you choose to expend more energy explaining to other people or not)

    Janalynn
  4. loto

    loto Member

    I'm so sorry, it is so hurtful when people say stupid things like that, especially your own mother! I don't understand why people don't TRY to understand what we go through!!! My 16 year old daughter is the same way! She makes the most insensitive comments when I say something about how i'm feeling! I just wonder if she does that because she's the one in "denial" about my condition and doesn't want to accept that there is something wrong with her mother. Who knows?? Just know that you have our support here. Hopefully the crying made you feel a little bit better
    loto
  5. Bunchy

    Bunchy New Member

    I have parents who have been in COMPLETE denial about my illness for over 20 years - they have shouted at me, tried to bully me into getting better, ignored me when I have been desperately ill and disabled, lied to their friends about me and so on.

    My parents friends know not to ask them how I am because they will get a "she's fine" answer and/or more lies aabout what I am doing (nothing!) - they either ask my sister who lives near my parents or me directly.

    You cannot change people like this - yes it hurts but it hurts more if you let it get to you.

    Someone here once said something which I repeat to myself like a mantra "you can't change other people but you CAN change your reaction to them".

    Gentle hugs,

    Bunchy x
  6. Shananegans

    Shananegans New Member

    I'm so sorry to read this story. As horrible as this is going to sound, my mom also has FMS and part of me is glad she does so she truly understands how hard everything is for me. She doesn't have it as bad as I do, but she knows how much worse my pain is and is very supportive. And though I do not truly wish her to suffer, as she is a wonderful mom and friend, I don't know if it would be the same if she wasn't also suffering.

    Sometimes my brother doesn't seem to understand and will "poke fun" about me being sick, I know he doesn't mean it but I also know he doesn't understand. He's got so much energy and just goes, goes, goes all day. Sometimes I'm jealous. I honestly can say I wish everyone around us would suffer with this DD for a week so they can truly understand.

    hugs
    shananegans
  7. BeanyMalone

    BeanyMalone New Member

    I really understand how you feel...being laughed at is like being belittled and no one should do that to you. Maybe your Mom has never had to fight when it feels like there is nothing to gain...and fight against what,exactly? This mysterious entity that has descended upon our lives with no rhyme nor reason? Ask your Mom to fight the wind.
    You can make it, Shari. What you don't need is the stress of the people who are supposed to love you adding to your misery. Tell your Mom to do her damn research and if she can't come to an understanding about how you are feeling than she should shove off until she can. And ask her if she thinks she raised some weak-kneed hypochondriac. She may take that under consideration.
    I am really mad now.