My 35yr old cousin killed in car accident

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Crispangel66, Aug 11, 2006.

  1. Crispangel66

    Crispangel66 New Member

    I am having such a hard time dealing with this because I could not afford to go to her funreal I think that has made all of this so much harder.

    She was driving home this past Sunday night and she went too fast around a curve and lost control of her car, the hard thing about all of this is nobody found her until the next day.

    At least she died instantly and didn't have to sit out in a field all alone that night.

    She was divorced from her husband and had to little girl's on is 11yrs old and the other is only 5yrs old.

    Her and her 11yr old had gotten into an arguement and so now her 11yr old is feeling bad about talking to her mom the way she did being that was the last ime she talked to her.

    Pamela
  2. BethM

    BethM New Member

    Gentle hugs to you. It is so hard to lose someone we love, especially suddenly and unexpectedly.

    Prayers to you and your family, especially the two little girls. You might want to remind the 11 year old that her mom knew the child loves her mom, and while it's difficult that their last words were angry, there were lots of others that were loving and happy.

    Peace and love to you and your family,
    Beth.
  3. KateMac329

    KateMac329 New Member

    I am very sorry for your loss. I know that words are only words but please know that I am thinking of you during this time.

    I personally do not go to funerals. I cannot handle them. I find my own ways to say goodbye and to have closure. Is there anything you can do to find closure with her?

    Talk to her. I know she is listening. She doesn't want you to hurt like this honey.

    I am horrible at this kind of stuff so I know I am not saying the right stuff at all. But please know that I thinking about you and your family through this time!!!

    ((HUGS))

    kate
  4. Scapper

    Scapper New Member

    That is so tragic.....I am so sorry for your loss.

    Please know that nothing good will come out of you beating on yourself for not being able to attend. If you could have possibly been there, you would have.

    I will keep you and your cousin's family in my prayers!

    Hang in there.......scapper
  5. hagardreams

    hagardreams New Member

    Prayers for you loss, life can be so strange sometimes, we dont know why we loose those we love like that. I pray her kids will have peace.
    God bless, Julie
  6. kbak

    kbak Member

    Pam,
    That is so sad. My prayer's are with everyone involved!

    kbak
  7. sisland

    sisland New Member

    It's so hard to understand why things like this happen!! there never seems to be any guarantee's in life!.....................I'm very sorry for your loss! please know that you and your family are in my prayers!!..............Sydney
  8. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    I am so sorry.

    Here is how to help the eleven year old. She can write all the good things she shared with mom on a list or put them into a box and the one argument down, shake it all up and show her how that one argument got lost amongst all the good things and this is how the relationship will be remembered. Encourage hjer to say goodbye to her mom and sorry we had that row as she prays, then tell her all is forgiven and forgotten, that all the good things are what counted.

    Also, I know that you feel badly about not making the funeral, but don't, a funeral is really just another way to say goodbye. Here is what I do. Find a quiet place, or a favorite spot and sing a little song or share a little story or say a little prayer. This will be your own saying goodbye. Or really au-revoir, private memorials are just as worthy as public ones and sometimes even can mean more as you can focus a little better.
    Love Anne Cromwell
    [This Message was Edited on 08/11/2006]
  9. pam_d

    pam_d New Member

    I am so sorry to hear your terrible news---please accept my sincere prayers and good wishes for your family, especially the two small girls your cousin left behind. I hope they will all heal with time....

    (((Gentle Hugs)))
    Pam


  10. iggyangel

    iggyangel New Member

    Im so sorry and my condolences go to you and your family.
    My heart cries for those girls 11 and 5.
    if you can suggest counsellling you can get it for free thru church or many places for the 11yr old. She will need to talk and get rid of any guilt or feelings she has.11 is a delicate age of growing in to a teen, anger or outbursts of any kind could easily follow if feelings arent dealt w/..
    God bless you and your family.
    Iggy
    PS, I know from experience w/my parents and not saying what I should have before they passed..........
    I went thru depression, anger self hate, and other horrible stuff.
  11. mrdad

    mrdad New Member


    It's always such a shock when something like this happens
    so unexpectedly and suddenly. We just try to absorb the
    it as best we can. I think Anne's advice is well said
    and will be most helpful for you, Niece and other family
    members!

    MRDAD
  12. Pianowoman

    Pianowoman New Member

    Pamela, I'm so sorry about your cousin. My thoughts are with you and the 2 little girls who have lost their mother. Don't beat yourself up, you can only do what you are able to.

    Take Care
    Kathy
  13. Lolalee

    Lolalee New Member

    Oh Pamela,

    What a terrible tragedy. I am so very sorry for you and for your family and especially those two dear little girls. My sister's son died last year and I was too sick to go to the funeral. I still have moments of sorrow and regret, but looking back I know I made the right decision. My sister did not want me to go to the funeral because she was afraid that I would have a terrible setback and she couldn't deal with that on top of everything else.

    I know that your situation is different, but try to be kind to yourself and accept that you don't have a choice right now. You will have other opportunities to do things that will count for more than your presence at the funeral. It may be hard to see that right now. For starters, try to make it a point to be available to talk to the girls as often as you are able. Have a private ritual at home to say goodbye to your cousin.

    After my sister lost her son, she wanted to die. I didn't know how she would survive. Now she is writing a book. God has given her grace and joy and she is better each day. Time, oh thank God for time. One day at a time.

    Blessings,

    Lolalee
  14. BlueSky555

    BlueSky555 New Member

    I am terribly sorry to hear about your tragic loss. My prayers are with you and family. Don't blame yourself for not being able to attend the funeral and PLEASE don't let the 11 year old feel blamed.

    BlueSky555
  15. Cinlou

    Cinlou New Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss...my prayer and thoughts to you and your family.
    Cindy







    [This Message was Edited on 08/11/2006]
  16. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i hope the father is really ready to step up and be a parent...

    hugs to you

    jodie
  17. blessedmom2four

    blessedmom2four New Member

    i am so sorry to hear your familys tragic loss. i will pray for th 11 year old that she will have peace and not live the rest of her life with guilt.
    hugs
  18. pammy52

    pammy52 New Member

    for your loss and the tragedy of this situation.

    I will be praying for all of you and especially your cousins daughters.

    Hugs,
    Pammy