My birthday today not too cheerful

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Bunchy, Feb 1, 2008.

  1. Bunchy

    Bunchy New Member

    Another year and I'm still as sick as ever. (That's nearly twenty years now)

    Another year when parents and in-laws who don't give me the time of day normallywill want to phone out of duty and cheerfully wish me a Happy Birthday - I don't want to talk to these people on my birhtday.

    What should I do? Not pick up the phone...LOL!!

    I literally cannot bring myself to go along with all these false niceties.

    My MIL for example knows how sick I am - I wrote her an email to which she did reply nicely about not being able to spend the holidays with them and about how much I had deteriorated. Since then she hasn't bothered even emailing me and says to my husband to relay messages to me for example she loved the gift I bought her for Christmas. Welll if she really cared why didbn't she email me herself and say that!!! According to hubby she hasn't got time - rubbish. They spend most of their day sitting on their backsides watching TV..LOL

    My own mother will phone and talk about her own life and not my birthdaay - she will not be interested in how I will spend my birthday. She will tell me I am not as ill as so-snd-so and that I have a nice life - yeah right! The one time I offered for her to come and visit for my birthday several years ago but told her she would have to do things my way so I didn't feel pressured and overdo it so I could enjoy my birthday in my own way she said " well I won't come them"

    Last night hubby and I argued about vacations - his wishes against my wishes. Nice starte for a birthday.
    It's my 40th NEXT year and my 10th annivesary and seeing as I didn't get the wedding or honeymoorn I dreamed of I said we should make a special effort with next year's vacation. But no because we don't agree on where to go. He wants to go to and do completley different things from me.

    He took me to Mauritius last year and thinks that makes up for a very modest wedding with family and a few friends (which I wanted to do abroad just me and him) and a honeymoon which was basically a fun holiday and not a honeymoon at all. Well it doesn't make up for that at all.

    He wants to do things on vacation while I want to relax by a pool near a beach in a nice hotel as that's what makes me feel better.

    Rambling here,

    Just not in the birthday mood. Sigh....

    PS If this doesn't make sense I am writing it at 4.15 am and feel tired but not sleepy enough to go to bed yet.

  2. painterZ

    painterZ New Member

    birthdays, anniversaries and other events that we mark on the calender can cause a lot of anxiety and sadness. Of course we all WANT to feel good on our birthday and Christmas, etc but I guess life doesn't look at the calender. I'm sorry that no one made you feel special on the anniversary date of you coming into the world. If you can find it within yourself, and this may be very difficult right now, but celebrate yourself, something that is you, no matter how small you may think it is.


    Warm thoughts.

  3. joyfully

    joyfully New Member

    Happy Birthday. I understand what you are feeling. I'm suggesting that you go get your hair done and get a manicure. Do something NICE FOR YOU. That way you won't have to answer the phone and listen to relatives droan on and on about themselves.
  4. dononagin

    dononagin New Member

    I'm sorry... Sometimes I think birthdays are over rated!

    Hope tomorrow is a better day and try and have a happy birthday anyway!!

  5. victoria

    victoria New Member

    If your DH & you don't agree, do something you want to do. My DH and I have at times gone different places with friends, apart, if there's a difference of opinion... actually it's fun if you have a friend to make plans with. That's how I got to Paris and NY!

    And if not, then do something special for yourself, like a day spa or whatever makes you happy!

    all the bestest wishes,

    PS: I agree that often holidays/anniversaries/etc are a bit too over-rated... while it's nice to mark occasions, too high expectations of perfection can lead to a bad time/depression/etc... and too often we all do something or want to do something that isn't what our partner wanted or expected.

    [This Message was Edited on 02/02/2008]
  6. Bunchy

    Bunchy New Member

    Lordy - I overreacted last night.

    I actually had a really nice day today.

    Hubby bought me some flowers and some really beautiful gifts and took me out for a special meal ( even though it was a big struggle and I'm shattered now).

    At least he made a real effort - and for once my Mum phoned and asked about ME - wow..LOL.

    I avoided MIL...LOL Will speak to her tomorrow instead.

    So the doom and gloom was a bit uncalled for - sorry!!

    I do have problems with family not realising how sick I am but I can still enjoy myself sometimes - today was proof of that even though I will pay for it for the next few days.

    Love to you all,

    Warm hugs,

    Bunchy xxx
  7. fibromickster

    fibromickster New Member

    First I want to say Happy Birthday to you!!!!! Secondly I wanted to say i am sorry your family is treating you that way. Most of my family, including husband doesn't even know how bad i am.

    Sometimes I just wish those people can experience what we go through so they will know. Why would we want to make up how sick we are. Does that make sense.

    Anyway, I am glad your birthday turned out good!!!
  8. Bunchy

    Bunchy New Member

    Thank you for the birthday wishes.

    Yes it is hard when it seem like people around us can't understand but I doubt I would be so understanding of people with chronic illnesses myself if I were healthy all the time.

    Nice pic by the way - you look like you were having a great time.

    Property management - I would have liked to do that as a career :)

    Hope things turn around for you in time.


    Bunchy xx

  9. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    then as I read on to the last post I was so happy that you did get to have a nice birthday, out to eat with hubby , taked to your MOM (who salked about you and not herself..

    Sorry I caught this post so late.

    Yes, I know how you feel after you do overdue it but so glad you had some fun for a change.

    You need to catch the happiness while you can since you never know what else is going to happen. I surely do not feel well but after seeing others (for real and on the board) who have FM, Lupus, etc.,. etc. I know how lucky I am really at being able to get out some and do what I like to do (sing).

    I just finished giving DH a surpriwe B day party (70), a susrprise and I will not to it again even though it came out pretty well all things considered. It started out out with kids and their famioies and ended up having to add more for people who were helping out with the surprise.

    Happy belated birthday !!!

    Warm hugs and blessings,

  10. fibromickster

    fibromickster New Member

    Thanks, I was happy at that time, I didn't have this problem then.

    Property Management is okay, it is not really a dream job or anything but it gets us by. I have been doing it for about 20 years. It is getting harder and harder to get up and get going in the morning.

    Thanks and have a good week
  11. Bunchy

    Bunchy New Member

    You are all the best :)

    Love Bunchy x