My boss visited me at my office/comments about my appearan

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by sherri_baby, May 9, 2006.

  1. sherri_baby

    sherri_baby New Member

    He knows the kind of things I am dealing with my health and he is supportive but today he was acting like my appearance is letting him down.

    He went on to tell me that I can't let this beat me and I need to get up and fix my hair and make-up no matter what. He said if I don't do this than I will be letting this illness take over my life.

    This upsets me because I know I look like crap most of the time but you know what, I really don't care. My clothes and body are clean and it is all I can do just to make it to work and make it through the day. I always smile at the customers no matter how bad I feel and I always try to give them the best support that I can.

    I just thought I would share because this kind of freaked me out. *Sigh*

    Thanks for listening,
  2. kriket

    kriket New Member

    it must be nice to have short hair like a man. At least all he probably has to do is wet it or maybe just brush it and go. Maybe if he had to "fix" his hair one time on top of not feeling like it he would not say and expect such idiotic things. Bet he's never had to wear make-up either, he might need to try it and see how he likes it. He might even enjoy taking the extra time to do it, maybe it would improve "his" appearance. Boy, I bet this is what you wanted to say back to him huh. Another uneducated idiot.

  3. janieb

    janieb New Member

    There are just some days when I was still able to work that I felt just like you do and looked like it too. It is just all you can do to get there. I'm sure he thought he was giving you the good old pep talk. That is the way they used to do it and since you sound like he's aware of your illness, I'm assumming that's it. They just don't understand and we must remember that if we hadn't experienced this, neither would we!

    I was fortunate enough to have a boss at the end who would tell me to go home and take tomorrow off because I looked like hell and needed the day off. Also, fortunate to negotiate an early retirement contract, so I could leave at 60, but I do remember 40 years ago when it wasn't that easy. I remember one boss who told me I had been taking a lot of time off, when, in fact, he was the one who had been gone and I had been carrying his load and mine. I should have felt sorry for the man because he didn't have all his marbles, but I was just astounded.

    A really good friend told me to document all the strange things he did. And that meant getting it all written down on paper and listing witnesses and comments. You are allowed, by law, to use 12 weeks per year under the Family Leave Act. Those days don't all have to be together.

    Hang in there and accept all the prayers that are coming your way. God bless.


  4. Oceandreams

    Oceandreams New Member

    It would be one thing if you came in dressed inappropriately or something, but why should you have to wear make-up if he doesn't have to wear make-up? I wear it every day, but defend a woman's choice to not wear it if she doesn't want to.
    That's just sexist crap.
  5. TxSongBird

    TxSongBird New Member

    Why would your boss think that all women wear makeup and style there hair up in a doo. If your pleasant to the customers, clean and dressed appropriately, then he needs to mind his own business. I wear little makeup, only mascara and eye liner and blush and I don't wear hose and my hair is cut short because I look awlful in long hair. I am glad I don't work for anyone besides myself and DH. I feel for you with a boss like that.

  6. sherri_baby

    sherri_baby New Member

    I just needed to vent and I am trying to be understanding about people who don't understand but it is really hard sometimes.

    Thanks for listening,
  7. TxSongBird

    TxSongBird New Member

    Just remember we are all in the sames Fibro shoes, so don't feel bad about venting here. I will be using your shoulders to cry on at times, so by all means, use mine.


  8. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    What does he know about make up & hair dos nothing i bet.
    I dont know if your boss has hair or is bald if he has hair the next time you see him imagine him polishing his head with a duster & i bet it makes you chuckle inside!
    Weall love you so you go girl if you want to vent you vent ok thats what were here for!
    May god bless you & yours.
  9. sherri_baby

    sherri_baby New Member

    That did get a chuckle out of me. I will try that next time.

  10. sisland

    sisland New Member

    here's my thoughts ask him to have a cosmotologist waiting for you at the door when you come to work !!!
    Some bosses don't care much about their employees just their buisness's.......................................hugs and don't let him get to you!! sydney
  11. hob

    hob New Member

    Like he knows what he's talking about. the only reason you should put on makeup and fix your hair is for yourself. I found this makeup called bare minerals that literaly takes 3 minutes to do and it makes me feel good even on the bad days. big hugs and thanks for the vent WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER!
  12. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    Remember in the 70's when women burn their bras to make a statement? I say we all wear PJ's everywhere we have to go on awareness day.School ,work, church,the Doctor ,and the store.I know this has been kind of a fad for teens lately .But maybe if we all do something like that and act like its normal those around us will get the point.We can't help how we look anymore then how we feel.I would love to feel like wareing makeup and dressing up but truth is I'm lucky if I get dressed at all for weeks unless Im going to the doctor.I might just start wearing PJ to the doctor all the time.why not they think we are nuts anyway.
  13. elastigirl

    elastigirl New Member

    I hate to say it, but I used to work in a professional sales setting where make-up was required (not in writing, but you know the deal). If I was feeling ill, I'd slick my hair back into a pony-tail (didn't have CFS/FM back then, but I do the same these days.)

    It was imperative that both the men and women looked professional. We had to, or the clients wouldn't take us seriously. (No, it's not fair that men get off easy, but at least they don't get off as easy as they used too.)

    Had one bad hair day and almost lost a major contract. Seriously. The client came back, saw me in my office on a "normal" hair day and finalized the sale. I got lucky.

    That's just the snobbery of corporate America. I don't know what sales position you have, but one thing I did "back then" to help was purchase a Garden Botanika pre-coordinated make-up system. Lots of companies offer these, a neutral palette works best. (It took the stress out of trying to figure which lipstick to wear, etc.)

    I went with clear nail polish a lot, too. (Now I've heard that you can just buff your nails a couple of times a week to look like your using clear nail polish.)

    Even a simple hairstyle, like a pony-tail, looks fine if it's slicked back neatly :). Or go with a short hairstyle if you can. (I did that last year, and it looked great despite my fears.)

    I don't want to be discouraging at all. I really know how hard it is. Many of those jobs made me work 60+ hours per week, and I thought I would die of exhaustion. Putting on make up was a chore, not a joy. I hated "doing" my hair, too. (Just one more exhausting thing.)

    If you can find anyway to develop a very simple beauty routine, it might help with your boss. (Depending on the professional level of your job, it might actually be in his place to make these suggestions.) However, I don't know from your post how much actual face-to-face dealings you have with customers.

    Well, I hope you can understand where this is coming from and not get discouraged :).

    Edited to add: I must have been really tired when I posted this, because it just didn't click that he used your illness to segue into his concern about your appearance. That was an unfortunate choice. He may have thought he was being concerned, not realizing how much his comments about your illness can hurt.[This Message was Edited on 05/11/2006]
  14. Roseblossom

    Roseblossom Member

    I'll bet you look just fine. Clean & tidy works for me.

    That kind of personal & invasive remark from a co-worker, especially a superior, is absolutely out of line - unprofessional and innapropriate.

    Don't take it to heart - you are in charge of how you wish to look. He's a dweeb.

    If he ever says anything like that again, just look at him with disgust as if he's NUTS and say "what an innapropriate remark."

    I also like the amusing suggestion of imagining him in an undignified pose :) Made me laugh! fight4acure suggested in another post to imagine flowers growing out of the heads of people who say stupid insensitive things :)


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