My Brain still works some and My Heart still feels...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by tata1580, Jul 13, 2006.

  1. tata1580

    tata1580 New Member

    If this don't ease up soon!!

    I think I am gonna blow...days are slipping by faster and faster with no change, nothing done, don't feel any better. Sorry to gripe, but feel I have to do it somewhere and quite frankly no one really wants to hear it...You look healthy enough..Well sure I do it must be all the extra weight I am packing...Had this DD for several years now...have new symptoms wondering if CFS isn't here also..fatiuge, how do you ever get use to dragging every where you go..I really got pretty use to the pain of things mostly in my back..now in neck and head and headaches yuck..short of breath..hurts here hurts there, dizzy, balance sucks ..start walking one direction and end up going a total opposite..what the heck..No insurance..if I fall leave me there, If I get up good if I don't no worries mate..can't afford another trip to the hospital to find out nothing!!!

    The bad thing is with this DD is that my brain still works!! I rememeber everything I use to do..and all of the things I did do, and now I watch them being undone..by brain see need to fix this and redo that and this would look better there..my heart still knows how good and proud if felt to have a sense of accomplishment and pride of things looking good and running good...now I cry when I can not balance the darn check book...could add numbers in my head like it was nothing..some times now I just stare at the paper like there is nothing there...When I came to this site I could not believe there was a name for it Fibro Fog...ain't that something...

    Glad to know that I am not alone....

    Gripe if you have one!!!

    Thanks for the ear!!
    [This Message was Edited on 07/13/2006]
  2. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hi Tata,
    Welcome to the board! You will find so much comfort, understanding, good advice and generally just some really loving and caring people here.

    I too have had fibro for 8 years as well as CFS and Panic Disorder! I know what you mean about the meds, they help to a degree but only really mask the pain and make it bearable, right? I have to take pain meds, antidepressants and muscle relaxers just to function! My dear hubby did some research on vitamens for fibro a few years back and they do give me a little more energy,very important since we're always tired!

    Last summer I finally decided to try and get in shape and swam everyday for 45 min. and lost 20 pounds and the aches and pains lessened quite a bit. As soon as I went back to work in August I was sicker than ever in 1 month. It took me until just a month ago to figure out that I would never really get well until I took a medical leave from work. Soooooooo, I plan on taking off 3-6 months depending how things go.

    I also just found out that I have bone spurs in my neck and a herniated disc and will be having surgery in August hopefully! My doc says that the neck and shoulder pain should be almost gone and my headaches better as well after the surgery. Unfortunately the neck and shoulders are 2 of the most painful trigger point areas for people with fibro! My advice would be to get x-rays and an MRI if you can to rule out any possible problems with the discs in your neck. Since you don't have insurance can you possibly get disability or Medicaid? I would definetely check it out. Insurance is a must for those of us with these DD's.

    My heart goes out to you, don't give up or give in to this, you can get better. There are a lot of people on this board who have gotten well or at least been in remission. I was for 3 months last summer so I know it is possible! It sounds like you have a great sense of humor, don't ever lose it. And congrats on those beautful grandbabies,arent they wonderful? I am a first time grandma to a 9 month old little sweetheart named Ezekiel. He really keeps me going, makes me feel better and keeps my spirits up!

    Thanks God you are blessed with such a wonderful husband. alot of hubbies have a very hard time dealing with these DD's. I too have a very loving, understanding husband who I thank every single day for taking such good care of me!

    I hope you get to feeling better real soon and again, welcome!
    Soft fibro-hugs, Julie
  3. tata1580

    tata1580 New Member

    Thanks Julie..most days I know it can be done I keep fighting but today I am tired...so tired of this...

    Humor has always kept me going.. Mom always says I am her smart mouth kid..no matter where I was or what was going on, but today not so funny..

    I can't remember what it is to get out of bed in the morning and be able to walk to the bathroom with out it hurting and to great the day with a smile...

    Or end the day not hurting or dizzy and not feel like a fat slob to have sex with my husband..He is good.. he does not understand all of this and the woman he has now is sure not the one he married...I did more work than a team of mules...brought home the bacon, cooked it, cleaned and then went out and did more..now days are filled with moan groan and if lucky a nap so I can be up all night...whoopie!! next day the same!!

    I came from a family who works and does all of the time my mother at 67 runs circles around me now..and frankly it just pisses me off I can not do what I want to...

    I always had a big garden..won ribbons at the fair..I kept the yard up..with a walker not a rider mower..all was tidy and neat..house you could eat off the floor...

    Ok..tommorrow is another day right? will be better I will do something tomorrow that will make me proud and maybe on the way to a healing...

    Hope the same for all of us!!

    Thanks for the vent!!!
  4. Momofboyz

    Momofboyz New Member

    I am new here to this board. Have been dx for three months. Today was a really hard day. My flare is the worst ever. I am forty with a 4 yr old and 6 yr old. Went to visit my grandma today who has colon cancer. Only I had to have my Mom drive as my dizzy spells have scared me lately and I am nervous about driving any distance.
    Grandma has a pool and all last summer I took the kids once a week and swam with them all day. Today sadly as I know they won't be this small forever I just felt so crappy I could just put my feet in to watch. Even this hurt so much. The drive home took 40 minutes. But I was miserable. When I got home my Mom took the kids to the ice cream man and I knew I had a moment I just screamed soooo lound. And finally started crying so loud. See, I always put on a fake face. ANd keep doing all of my chores and take the kids out to play everyday ect.
    As you all know everybody in our lives are so tired of hearing it. So I just shut up and live my life.
    Todat it finally dawned on me how the quality of my life has really diminished. I mean I thank God every day for the beautiful day. But the truth is this sucks!!!
    Sorry for the long vent. Just tired. Tired of this whole thing.
    Talk to you soon
    Deena
  5. tata1580

    tata1580 New Member

    I am not crying this morning..and it rained last night so were off!!

    Earthdog2000, thank you for responding it helps to be here and to hear encougement from you all and to be reminded as my mother always says we all have our own cross to bear. I hope that you surgery does help you and make life eaiser. And I know that your new grand baby brings a special joy in your life that no other can ever bring..My grand son lived with us for about 9 months of his life and now as moved a couple hours away with him mom and step father and they are now expecting a new baby, with the excitement over a new baby still have this heartache of him close everyday..but phone calls are even the best ever!!

    Momofboyz..so sorry to hear of your grandmothers illness..that in its self is rough, and add to your suffering..House of small boys sounds like so much fun and so much work..I wish I had answers for you on how to maintain but as your can see I am not doing that good myself these days..I know just love them hold them dear because they do grow so fast..and sometimes let them take care of you they do enjoy being able to help in their own little ways.

    This morning...I am defrosting my freezer, I know does not sound like much..but it has been bothering me and I am..
    GETTIN R DONE!!

    thank you for your ear, will be praying for all of us!!

    Tami
  6. tata1580

    tata1580 New Member

    The freezer is defrosted and looks very nice...we GOT R DONE!! It is a better day already...

    I just read stormskyes thread about clutter and oranization..the 15 min. deal is a great idea..I think I can work with that..
  7. TAM

    TAM New Member

    HI TATA,

    I know what ya mean hon. And you gripe all you want its not good to hold your feelings inside, and if you happen not to have a good support system at home with family and friends you'll have a great support system here.

    I'm fairly new hear also and i find it to be a very helpful site, because everyone here is in the same boat we all suffer with daily pain and we know how lost and lonely and frustrating it can be.

    I'm like you i have been getting worse, i'm finding it more and more difficult each day to be strong i have been strong for years now and enough is enough already.
    I concentrate on my son when i'm no longer able to be strong for myself. I am able to remain strong for him i love him so much i just can't give up i have to hang in there.

    So maybe that would work for you on your really bad days think of someone or something you love and be strong for that reason. I'm so sorry sweetie that your having a tough time i wish i could reach threw this computer and snatch your pain away, i sure would if i could.

    You will be in my thoughts and prayers i hope your pain goes down where you can bare it, i wish you better health and lots of happiness. TAKE CARE, TAMMY.
  8. tata1580

    tata1580 New Member

    No tears yet today so that is better..i did off and on work this morning fixed the old husband lunch and then I went to lay down..feel so darn lazy doing that and yet have a friend that keeps telling me if you don't rest or at least try to rest you body can not heal...and I am sure that is true, but being raised during working hours you are working that is a hard thing for this old dog to do..but..when the old dog don't do it on it's own sometimes it is forced down..which I think could be what is happening now..

    thank you for your responses..

    Wouldn't it be something if we could set down to these old computers and turn on the screen and a healing hand would come out and smack us right in the forehead....In a way I guess that is what this board does..we smack each other to keep going!!!

    Thank You all for the smack!!!