my dad passed away yesterday

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by calgarychris, Apr 24, 2011.

  1. calgarychris

    calgarychris New Member

    Hi Gang,

    It has been a long time since I posted. I found I have been busy with the loss of my mom in 2008 and my three boys, husband, job, and everything else that goes with having this DD. I also made the mistake of mentioning to my doctor a year ago that I wanted to decrease my pain meds and now I am stuck with a doctor who will not budge when it comes to flares in my life and basically tells me to stop thinking "poor me", when life happens. Even when I saw him at my last visit my dad was still with us, he still treated me like some drug addict even though I have gone down in pain meds....when I started with fibro I was on 2 100mcg Fentenyl patches every 72 hours with demerol for break through and now I am down to 12mg of Hydromorphine twice a day, (just went down from three times a day two weeks ago because he treated me so badly) and tylenol four for break through. And he will only give me 28 days at a time....no sooner or no later and if I go in early I have to bring the meds in with me. Sorry, I guess I went off topic....don't get me wrong I am proud of what I have done, but today I feel so sore and exhausted I want to lie down and cry my eyes out.

    Yesterday, my Dad passed away from bone cancer and it was the most difficult and painful thing to watch. Today, I feel numb and when I checked my email I saw the message board and thought I would write in to all of you as a bit of therapy on my part. I will be writing a lot more often now, as I already feel a bit better just writing things down.

    One more thing, once I get off the hydromorphine for good are there any suggestions as to what I can take that is not a triplicate because I will still need something for pain control.

    Hugs to all,
    Chris
  2. TigerLilea

    TigerLilea Active Member

    I'm very sorry to hear about your dad, Chris. I just lost my dad in December to a brain tumour. It's never easy losing a parent. As much as I miss my dad and wish that he were still here, I'm grateful that he didn't have to suffer.

    As to your pain meds; the longer you are on them, the more your body needs to get the same level of pain relief. Also, you end up needing more powerful meds. My S-I-L is in the process of slowly going off of her heavy duty pain pills to reset her body/pain levels. Then the plan is that she should be able to go back onto the less potent pain meds that she was able to use when she first developed FM. Dr. Oz did a show about pain meds several months ago and he talked about the same thing. The hard part is that you have to go through the withdrawal and increased pain until you reset your pain/meds threshhold.
  3. mbofov

    mbofov Active Member

    I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. My dad died last year. He was 93 and ready to go, his quality of life was way down, but it's still hard.

    I don't have FM (just CFS) so have no experience with the pain that goes with FM. But I was reading about proteolytic enzymes and how they help many people with pain. Have you ever tried them? Also magnesium and malic acid are other non-drug things that are supposed to help with pain. I'm not saying you don't need any prescription pain relief, but these things might help you get by with less or lower dose prescription meds.

    Take care-

    Mary
  4. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    I am so very sorry that you lost your dad. I am dreading the day my dad leaves us. He has always been the one the really understands me, better than my mom. He is always the first one there if I need something....help, support, money, a ride....

    the older they get, the more we realize how precious they are....maybe we get smarter and understand better....

    anyways, there may be a tiny seed of relief that he is done with the bone cancer pain? I hope you have a belief in some sort of life after death....it truly is comforting....if you haven't read about it, this would be a great time to pick up a book called "Lessons from the Light" by George Anderson.....it brought me so much peace when I lost my sweet, sweet grandma....it made me not afraid to die....

    Again, i am so sorry you are sad ....hugs to you and your family PInk
  5. Yucca13

    Yucca13 Member

    I know how hard it is to lose a loved one.
    I also know about the chronic pain. You have been stepped down a lot on your meds. Sounds like your doctor is pretty unempathetic with his attitude of "poor me". We definitely do have flares and I guess he doesn't understand fibromyalgia if he doesn't know about them. It really helped the quality of my life when I found a pain management doctor that listens and tries many different modalities for pain. I don't believe that most general M.D.s care about people with pain. They just figure you should just grin and bear it. Easier said than done. Wish those docs could live in our bodies for a few days!
    I hope you find some over-the-counter medications and/or supplements that help you cope.
  6. Chelz

    Chelz New Member

    Chris, So very sorry to hear about your dear dad. My dad passed away suddenly, very suddenly in 2008, my mom is 82 and I help her out. This will be a very trying time for you as you already know from the loss of your mom.

    Let people, like us, reach out to you expecially now but always. As far as pain control, I have yet to find a doctor who will help me with this problem as well. Today was very bad as far as pain and fatigue for me, but then again, it always is.

    I don't know what else to say except my deepest condolenses are for you and your family. Gentle hugs for you, Chelz.
  7. sascha

    sascha Member

    hurts when your dad dies. i still miss my father, who died when i was 21- i am now 68. i hope you have good memories you will keep forever. it takes some time to come to terms.

    we had a stretch in the 90's and on after 2000 with family members dying, and we took care of them. was very difficult but the rest of us pulled together.

    you have a lot you are managing- wow- so take it easy on yourself, as much as you can. and give the sorrowing whatever time it needs to take.

    as for the pain. so hard to deal with and keep everything else going. wish i had the magic answer. i have my own version of pains with cfids and some fm. i use eft just about every day to help me along with my health challenges, and anything else that crops up. i highly recommend it. it has become a mainstay for me. i do use it for pain. (eftuniverse.com)

    very best of luck, protection, healing, guidance to you!! and your family! Sascha


  8. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I am so very sorry to hear your Dad has died. I am praying for comfort for you and your family and loved ones.

    Love, Mikie
  9. kat0465

    kat0465 New Member

    To hear about your dad, bone cancer is about as bad as it can get. Its hard to see our loved ones in so much pain.

    My uncle passed away 3 weeks ago. As much as I miss him, it was a relief when he went. No one should have to suffer.

    Wish I could help you on the med question. The only thing I've tried is tramadol and vicodin. With that just taking the edge off a bit.

    The lidoderm patches are good for trigger point pain.your probably flaring from the grief of your dad, emotional stuff can do it too for sure!! Your doc sounds like a real wanker if I can say that,lol.there's no reason for his treatment. Your obviously taking your meds as prescribed.

    I know your hurting,and missing your dad. But maybe once his passing isnt so raw, you might want to look for a new doc.it's a shame we have to suffer with pain.especiallybwhen we DON'T abuse the meds.

    You need a more understanding dr, which I know is not easy to find!! In the mean time. Try and take it easy,but don't keep the grief of your dad all bottled up.Ill be praying you have pain relief, there's tons of great info on here,keep digging.
    and oncecagain, so sorry bout your dad :(

    (( hugs)) kat
  10. gapsych

    gapsych New Member


    Condolences to you and your family.

    Take care.

    gap
  11. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    i am so sorry for your loss. I will be keeping you in my prayers.
    i also oost my dad in 1969 just 9 days before I was to turn 13, it sucked to have my birthday that year, I wish that I has some profound words of comfort to offer you but I don't. I know in my heart that you will see him again one day. I will be keeping you in my prayers
    ~HUGS~
    Rosemarie
  12. bobbycat

    bobbycat New Member

    My father was my best friend and I miss him I am very sorry that you have to go through this and it is compounded by your health problems and you lack of Dr. support which I find is getting to be more of the norm these days. I wish there is something I can say to easy your pain and do to help with your pain but I know that is very individual and a person has to deal with it in their own way and in their own time. Try to find some time for yourself to relax and away from so much stress. And if I was you I would try to find a more compasionate doctor if possible although I know that is getting more diffficult these days.
  13. JLH

    JLH New Member

    My condolences on the loss of your father. That was one of the hardest things that I ever went through .. I was very close with my father .. even though we knew 18 months prior due to the disease that he had.

    May God be with you and your family.

    re the pain meds .... maybe you can go down to a combination of meds like Neurontin, Cymbalta, Zanaflex or Elavil at bedtime, and Tramadol for pain.