My dad suddenly passed away

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Chelz, May 26, 2008.

  1. Chelz

    Chelz New Member

    My beloved dad suddenly died this past Wednesday the 21st. I am heartsick, in shock, stunned and scared.

    Very early Wednesday morning, I heard my mother call out my name, my father woke up and complained about a pain he was having, I rushed to the phone and called 911, meanwhile I went into the bedroom and there was my mom holding my father in her arms.

    I truly believe he was not aware of what was going on, he was making gurgling sounds and it sounded like minor choking sounds, not sure.

    The ambulance came, but it was too late. Because my father was not under a doctor's care at the time, they told me it was a coroner case. The coroner came and took him.

    Meanwhile, I called my sister and her husband and they came right away. I believe my dad may have had a massive heart attack, but of course we will not know for sure until we get the death certificate.

    I do not know how I had the strength to witness this, call the funeral home, make arrangements, gather up beautiful pictures of his life, go to the bank with my mother, and find the funds to pay for his funeral. I now truly understand the empiness of death.

    My father did not have any insurance and did not have anything pre-planned. My mother told me he was not feeling too well for a few days, but he refsued to go to the doctor. Maybe this was his time, maybe not, we will never know. He was 79.

    I couldn't believe all the support and friends and co-workers who came to his funeral, the beautiful support from people in this time of need. My extended family is in Europe and obviously could not be there, but they were with us in their thoughts.

    I worry for myself and my mother. I will have to figure out the finances and everyting else that comes along with this situation. I am grieving, anxious, worried, fearful and I must find a way to take better care of myself with my FM and care for my mother.

    He died with my mom and me, the way he would have wanted to, I'm trying to find comfort in this, not sure if I can.
    I am in shock he was just buried on Saturday.

    I felt such a need to share this with you, my wonderful on-line friends, I know this post will be hard to read, I am sorry for that. Have to go now the tears are coming very fast. Hugs to all, Chelz.

  2. Bemused

    Bemused New Member

    Oh Chelz
    I'm so dreadfully sorry to hear of what has happened, as you said he was blessed to have had your moms loving supportive arms around him and your presence there giving comfort as he started his journey.
    I'm not sure what I can say to give you comfort at this distressing time but rest assured all your friends & people on the forum are here for you, with ears to listen and open heart's, so any time you need to talk hun we are all here for you.

    Wendy x
  3. landra

    landra New Member

    I'm sorry that he died so suddenly but I am sure he wanted to be with your mother and you.

    Grief takes a lot longer than people tend to think. Be kind to yourself and your mother.
  4. sascha

    sascha Member

    i still miss my father. he died when i was 21, and i am now 65. it hurt so much. i have the knowledge and conviction that he really cared for me and must have known i felt a strong bond with him. we are lucky to have that love from our fathers; so many people don't. of course this makes it so hard when they die, but i feel as though the bond and love continue. i've always felt that. i trust and hope you will, too.

    and i hope you will find comfort through the grief. very best to you- Sascha
  5. winsomme

    winsomme New Member


    my Dad passed away recently and i know the scary feelings you are experiencing.

    the sense of loss and shock is difficult to put into words....i hope you can gain some small comfort from knowing that there are others out here that know what you are going through and have you in our prayers..

    please keep in contact with everyone here. and take care at this very difficult time...

    all the best,

  6. poets

    poets Member


    I'm so sorry about your Dad. My father was 79 when he passed away in November '06. He was in the hospital, but we were by his side when he left us. We were grateful that he had preplanned everything. But it surely didn't help with the grief. Dad and I were so close. I realize time will lessen the pain, but when it first happened it seemed that the world had to stop. I felt like everything had to stop. Dad is no longer here and people just go on as if nothing happened. It just felt like life as I knew it had ceased. There were no words........

    I understand. But you and your Mom will be alright. It really is amazing how people will reach out to you in your time of grief. I will remember you and your family in my prayers. Please keep us posted to let us know how you're doing.

  7. msbsgblue

    msbsgblue Member

    I am so very sorry to hear this news.

    Honey it is hard, I lost my mother suddenly she was 78. She was going to have cataract surgery on a Monday, and went in for tests to see how healthy she was on Friday. Got an A1 report that she was in great health.

    I talked to her that night, she was fine, at 5:00 A.M. the next morning I got a phone call from my sister. It did not matter that she had just had a physical, it was her time I guess. Nothing could have prevented it.

    Just try not to stress and make yourself worse or you won't be able to help you mother.

    Sending lots of soft hugs and blessings.
  8. tonia1990

    tonia1990 New Member

    Im so sorry for your loss.
  9. aka1977

    aka1977 New Member

    My dad also passed away suddenly in 2000. We also beleive it was a heart attack. I was 23 at the time. I was daddy's little girl and never dreamed of life without him in it. I know the pain you are feeling, and even with the passing years, I feel I just miss my father more now. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your mom, during this difficult time.

    Take Care & Hugs,
  10. Beadlady

    Beadlady Member

    you lots of gentle hugs and prayers for you & your mom.

    Just take things one day at a time.
  11. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    I am so sorry and sad for you. There are no words...

    So sorry deep in my heart, I will pray for you and your Mom.

    God Bless You,

  12. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I'm sending up prayers for you and your family. Take care of yourself.

    Love, Mikie
  13. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    I do not know what I can say that has not already been said here, but I am so sorry for your loss.

    This has to be hard for you and your mother. I am sure you will miss him. Keep his memory alive. I lost my mother 14 years ago and I will always miss and cherish her.

    The first year is the hardest. But you know where you can come for help and support. This board.

    Thinking of you,

  14. doloresf1

    doloresf1 New Member

    My heart reaches out to you with deepest sympathy during this difficult time. May you have peace and comfort, courage and strength. I wish there was more we could do. Just know we are all with you.

  15. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    I am So So sorry to hear about your loss. I wept as I read your post.
    I wish there was SOMETHING I could say to make this easier, to make you hurt less, but just know that many people here will keep you close in their thoughts during this most difficult time.

    I know it must've been heartwrenching, but what a blessing to be there, and to be there with and for your Mom. The two of you need to hold on to each other.

    You are obviously dealing with many many emotions at this time. You are probably amazed at all that you are able to handle - as you said. I think sometimes we just kick in and do what we have to do in tough times.

    Grieve, cry, rest, I hope that soon you'll be able to smile when you think of your Dad.

    Please remember to take care of yourself. That is so so important.
    Hugs -
  16. Debra49659

    Debra49659 New Member

    I am so sorry for your loss, my condolences to you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

  17. Cinlou

    Cinlou New Member very sorry, I do know the feeling....may you and your mother find comfort...Bless you..
  18. BobinGermany

    BobinGermany New Member

    Hi Chelz,

    I just wanted you to know that I am so sorry to hear about your father. I lost my own dad that way, very fast so I know what you are going through. I will keep you, your Mom and all of your family in my prayers that God will give you all the strength to go through this sad time.

    God Bless,
  19. JewelRA

    JewelRA New Member

    My heart truly goes out to you. I lost my precious father last July, rather suddenly too. He was only 60. I have still not really recovered. I don't know that you ever do.

    I know what you mean about going through the motions and not knowing where the strength comes from. I guess it is shock and the body and brain's way of protecting itself.

    My condolences and prayers go to you and your mother at this time. It will not be an easy time. I am so sorry.
  20. Hootie1

    Hootie1 New Member

    I lost my father a few years ago to cancer -- he was only 60! It is never easy. My heart goes out to both you and your mother, as this is such a difficult time.

    We are never ready... are we... even though we know that it will happen... I think we hope that it just doesn't.

    Please take care of yourself at this difficult time and know that you have so many friends here on this board that are willing to listen and pray for you both.

    I hope that you can find some sort of peace during this crazy time. Your father, I'm sure, is in a good place == if I can be so bold to speculate.

    Please come back and type on if you need to... you have so many people on this board that are listening and caring.

    ((More hugs for you both))