My daughter doesn't want to go to school

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by afeni, Mar 17, 2003.

  1. afeni

    afeni New Member

    My 15 yr old daughter has fm. She has always loved to learn, and has always talked about college. She was dxed last summer, and has yet to recieve meds that work for her. She has migrains alot. And we haven't got her into a good physical therapy routine, and we've been working on her diet. I've had fm for about 5 to 7 yrs, so I already had some clues as to what she needed to do. And when school started- her first year of high school , she was excited. She went to school every day unless she just couldn't get out of bed, and would come home and sleep for hours. She had a hard time with assignments, because she was worn out just by going to school. But she did her best. Last month her gym teacher had her lifting weights. Which lead to her first real flare. She has only been to school maybe 3 days since then. I asked her today if it was really pain that was keeping her at home, or was it depression. She admitted to depression. She said that she was tired of the questions and comment from the other kids and even some of her teachers. She was tired of always being behind in her work. She said her hands hurt and her head pounded every day, from the noise from other kids and from trying to consintrate. And as a mom, you want to help. You want to make things o.k. for your kids. And looking into her face, a face that used to be always smiling and eager to learn, and seeing such a look of defeat, as she said she wanted to quit school, because she couldn't do it, well it hurt. Its so heartbreaking to wacth her go through this pain, And I thought I felt helpless when it was just me! I want her to go to school. And I try to offer incouragement, but she has seen depression literally have me confined to my bed. I'm feeling so not like a role model that it ain't funny!! Doesanyone out there have any suggestions about what some options for school, or just schooling period? I'm at a loss. I keep finding myself more and more not having a clue what to do.....
  2. PatPalmer

    PatPalmer New Member

    I was just about to come off the board for work and saw you`r post, God I can sympathise.

    I took my daughter out of school at 15 because I could see she was simply too ill to continue..
    I had also encouraged her to keep going and looking back was totally the wrong thing to do.

    Your daughter needs complete and utter rest, her poor body and yours too are running rampant with pathogens that are basically eating you alive. (not literally I hasten to add)

    Have a look at my replies to Ozgran, on her post ( Coeeee PatPalmer)
    I have listed some supplements you need to have.

    You may know this already but diet is an important factor, eat only what comes naturally if you can, processed food is no good, you must nourish the body with proper stuff.
    Cut out Coffee and low calorie stuff,-full of chemicles.

    Olive leaf Extract is potent stuff and very good at killing off the pathogens, and if you want to give it a try, please start with just one capsule every few days for a couple of weeks to see how you go.

    It makes you feel worse at first because it kills the little critters which turn toxic, this is like poison, so mustn`t overload yourself, slow and steady.

    My daughter is now 18 and has recovered enough to go to college part time (learning sign language) and has been doing a correspondance course too.

    It`s not the end of the world to give in to this illness, she needs to, but also make the right moves regarding what goes down the hatch...

    Being so young, if you allow your daughter the rest and nutrition she needs, she has every chance of recovering from this.

    On the other hand I have heard several people say that Homeopathy has worked wonders for thier children, so another train of thought there.

    I really have to go, but please ask if you want to know anything.

    love Pat.
  3. nct

    nct New Member

    You don't want a catch-22 going don't want her to overdo it, thus feel worse-but will staying out of school depress her more as well?
    Look into home schooling. I would think that could be done at a pace you both can deal with...and if there's a bad day, you stay in bed and take care of yourself.
    If she loves learning that much, being able to learn, even at home, would almost certainly help in her self-esteem; which should help with depression.

    Hang in there!

  4. kgg

    kgg New Member

    I know it would feel like a great undertaking, but homeschooling is what I have found to help my 15 yr old son. He is not diagnosed yet, but he has chronic fatigue. He could not make it to school everyday nor carry the weight of 5 courses at a time. He needed success not failure. He now studies 2 courses at a time and then moves on to two more. We have even done one concentrated effort on one course. That's the beauty of homeschooling. Your daughter would be able to sleep in and study when she is rested and comfortable. When she is able, some school districts let homeschooling students attend one or two classes at the school. She needs success not failure.

    Socially she would not suffer. She has her friends and there are plenty of homeschool groups out there now. Do a search on homeschool and your state, ex: homeschool Arizona
    that should get you lots of info on local regulations and support groups.

    If that is not an option, some school districts have through their special ed department programs for chronically ill students. She would have tutors come to the house. I personally think it is easier to homeschool than deal with the red tape of special ed departments. With my luck, the tutor would come and my son wouldn't feel good. Anyway, I'd be glad to answer any questions you have or be a support. My email is
  5. KimAB

    KimAB New Member

    I'm a homeschooler so obviously I have a bias ;-)

    If you look at it from all angles she is NOT in school now. If she has only gone 3 days in the last month she is not going to pass her year anyway, is she ? If you take her out now she can probably salvage her year.

    If she can lay in bed in read- she can read all of her text books by the end of the year. If her headaches are too bad for that she can lay in the dark and listen to books on tape. Many school boards HAVE text books on tape but don't TELL anyone. If you can't get text books there are still lots of books from the library or inter-library loan.

    This is my address if you would like some help or ideas to get started.

  6. lin21

    lin21 New Member


    I feel so bad for you and for your dear daughter. It's enough being 15 and going through all the changes your body goes through at that age never mind having to deal with DD.
    My heart goes out to both of you.

  7. teawah

    teawah New Member

    These people have the right idea! She doesn't have to quit at all. She can do it at home. At her pace so if she is having a bad day she can play hookie w/out it showing bad on her record. You guys can do it!!!!!
    Keep the Faith
  8. AnnG

    AnnG New Member

    I must get on the bandwagon for homeschooling too. My darling son is 16 yrs old and 6 feet 4 inches tall. He is exhausted and in pain all the time. We tried private school, public school, alternative school and finally found a homeschool program through a public school system! He has classes on a homeschool campus, a counselor to assign the rest of the work and he works at his own pace. It has been great! Call the school and see if they have a similar program. And, please keep us posted! I totally relate to you!

    Love, Ann
  9. jeanderek

    jeanderek New Member

    What kind of comments are these teachers saying to her. I would find out and I would march right up to that school find the principal and first give them a piece of my mind then explain to them that your daughter isn't like everyother student in the school, she has special needs because she is sick!

    I know she must feel just aweful. This is hard enough on us adults but with all the added pressures that teenagers have as it is then have this on top of that, I just can't imagine. I think that your doing a great job by listening to her and trying to find out what the problem is. My last year of school before I quit I didn't take gym because I was sick too and my grandmother had my doctor write a note to the school telling them that I was not to take gym. I did however have to write a book report every week to make up the grade which was fun because I love to read and it was only one page just to prove that I read the book.

    Your daughter is special and she should be treated that way without the school making a big deal out of it. The thing is if it wasn't for us they wouldn't have a job and I know that your daughter doesn't want to miss out on dances, and prom and all that good stuff. I had to miss that stuff because I was sick and had a family to take care of because my father and grandmother was also sick. I hope that you find a solution and I think that going to the school and telling them what you think of thier attitude, then tell them what is going on. My husband also had a hard time in school and was sick alot and when he couldn't go they sent a teacher to the house so you might wanna look into that too. Best wishes to you both

    sorry went on for so long it just makes me mad that the people who we are suppose to look upto such as teachers when we are kids are so uncareing sometimes. I know I lived through it too.

  10. afeni

    afeni New Member

    Believe me, we've been to the school more than once. Her school admin is trying to work with us as much as he can. We are just both at a loss as to the best course. Right now, I'm researching to find some answers for the both of us. He Doesn't know about fm, but he asked if we could bring in some info, so he could educate himself as well as the teachers about it. Now I'm just trying to get him good info, without making it a novel. And boy is it an experience. All of your suggestions have been great. And Its gonna help me in terms of knowing better where to look.Thanks everybody!!!!