My daughter kicked my granddaughter out, now she is homeless

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by greatgran, Dec 30, 2008.

  1. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    Seems the war never ends and I wasn't sure where to post this. My daughter has custody of her granddaughters two precious little girls. I have posted on this before so won't go there.

    My granddaughter, due to her actions, lost her appartment, car and job she was homeless so my daughter let her come back home , only under her rules. The little ones were glad to see her and things went farily ok for a few months . Then slowly my granddaughter began her old habits , drinking , staying out all night,. Telling the little ones she would be right back and maybe be gone for days. Never spent much quality time with them. At first they were so happy mommy had come back to them, so they thought. Once again they are hurt and confussed.

    So, my daughter told her she had till after Christmas and if she didn't follow her rules then she would kick her out. Well, she did .. Now my granddaughter is hitting the streets staying with who ever.

    This has been going on for 6 years, she is 24 and I just can't seem to get through to her, my granddaughter that is. I honestly don't think she will ever change. Oh, by the way she never married the children's dad and he is a loser and in jail and never seen the youngest child.

    It breaks my heart for all this to be going on but what should we do?

    We educated her, kept the children for her to work, have offered her help but she says its all us.

    The children are happy with their Nanna but the oldest will be 7 Saturday and I think this whole mess is effecting her.

    I guess I came here because this family needs prayers as that seems to be all that is left. I have to let go and let God but my heart breaks so for the little ones, my daughter and granddaughter. My daughter also has two other children at home and is a widow, she has to work but has a very low paying job and is struggling in many ways.

    I help all I can but with my illness its hard to help like I would like.

    I needed to vent and any input would be most appreciated.. Prayers, please.

    God Bless,
    [This Message was Edited on 12/31/2008]
    [This Message was Edited on 12/31/2008]
  2. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    Do you think my daughter did the wrong thing by kicking her out? I am just clueless as what to do anymore, and its heart breaking to see what a mess it all has become. My granddaughter won't budge . She did call me today crying blaming her mother for everything . She is staying with so called friends, jumping from one to another. I did take her some of her clothes. Its so heart breaking.

    Tell me about AA and Al-Anon and what happened to you and family if you don't mind.

    Thanks and I will re-read the Prayer.

    God Bless,
  3. lrning2cope

    lrning2cope New Member

    Your granddaughter needs a hard dose of reality . If everyone keeps enabling her , she will never get better.

    The best help that you can provide is prayer . Your granddaughter has to come to the end of herself in order to find out that it is no ones fault but her own .

    I will keep you all in my prayers.

  4. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    For your prayers and encourgement that my daughter has done the right thing. Guess we tried to hard and now tough love is hard. Its all in God's hands as we have done all we know to do. The little ones are the ones that need us and our attention.

    God Bless,
  5. MsE

    MsE New Member

    Greatgran, you probably remember that I've been in your situation--or close to it. One of my daughters was a terrible alcoholic, refused to get help or accept help, and died a year ago of pancreatic cancer. She left two sweet young teen-aged children who are living with their father.

    I did contact AA long before she became ill with cancer. I followed the instructions they suggested which amounted to "tough love." That means I hung up the phone when she was verbally abusive and did my part in making sure the children lived with their father because she was not a good parent.

    I mention all of this simply to begin this important part: there was nothing more any of us could do--not me, not her sisters, and not her brother. None of us because she wouldn't accept help. Even when she was dying, she refused to accept help from any of us except her oldest sister, and that begrudgingly.

    We finally established minor contact shortly before her death, but none of the necessary words were ever spoken because she wouldn't allow it. However, by then I just wanted to be with her when I could, to see her before she died. That wish was granted. I saw her on her deathbed; she was unable to open her eyes and could barely move, but she reached her hand across the bed to me. I held her hand and told her I loved her. It was enough.

    Greatgran, one can do only so much. Some people become so dependent on drugs/alcohol that they are afraid of letting go of it. Like a person in the lifeboat on the rough seas with the helicopter overhead. The person is afraid of letting go with even one hand long enough to grab the ladder hanging from the helicopter, and so he/she drowns. My daughter had to drown/die in order to escape her addiction.

    What is there left to do, dear Greatgran? Pray. Call on the Good Shepherd to watch over the lost sheep in your family. That is all you can do, and I am so very sorry. I know how dreadfully it hurts to watch someone you love destroy herself and damage the people around her.

    God bless you, my friend. I truly understand. God bless you. MsE

  6. budmickl

    budmickl New Member

    What do us with no insurance for our kids do in order to facilitate an intervention?

    I spent 5 hrs at the hospital last night with my youngest daughter who told me someone had jumper her from behind, and stole her cell phone, car keys, coat and shoes and socks. I knew she was drunk. Truth was she had fallen down, apparently in her parking lot and someone called the ambulance on her.

    She finally admitted that part of her drinking problem is that she was raped. But she lies about everything so I don't know if I believe her.

    She said last night, the first step in getting help is admitting she needs it. Well, I've heard line many times before.