Once again I heard the familiar thing we all hear. I went to my parents to let my daughter give them a Grandparents Day gift. We had been discussing money matters and I said we were three months behind on our house payment and I was worrying about that. I wasn't hinting for a loan or any help, just support. My mom and dad don't have extra money so I would never take from them. I also would feel guilty every time I spent a penny if i owed them money. When I said we were three thousand behind on our home, my brother spoke up and said, "We need to find you a job." Well this just hit me the wrong way. He said it very sarcastically, at least that is the way I took it. He lives with my parents rent free and spends like crazy, but he tends to preach to me all the time how we spent to much money and that is why we are in our bind. This actually isn't true. We were doing fine until I got sick and lost my job. We could have been more frugal when we had money, but we never went wild with money. I guess I just get upset when he tries to give advice because he doesn't have a rent payment, electricity, phone, child, etc. He blows his money on trips and concerts. He recently has been able to save a lot of money but it is only because he has no bills. Anyway, when he said that, I just looked at him. I almost threw up. It hit me hard that I was talking about how we might lose our home and he suggests I need to get a job. If he had ever paid attention he would know that I can't get a job. I am in pain and sick all the time. I have always known they don't believe it is as bad as I say, but I guess this was just another slap in the face. They think if I can get on the computer I can work. You all probably know I don't post that much. I can't type a lot. The nerve pain and tingling in my hands has gotten so bad, I can only be on a little while. If I try to hold a book to read, it makes my hand and arm feel as if shocks are going through it. He then said you could work where I work. It isn't that hard. I then said don't go there. He kept on and I said you are making me mad. Please don't go there. Normally I would just sit there and take it, but I just couldn't. First of all it hurts to think that they think I would just be so lazy that I wouldn't work if I thought I was losing my house. I would do anything I could to make money right now. I would never intentionally just not work beceaseu I am lazy. In fairness back in the early spring i did tell him and my mom that if I felt better soon I would love to work with them. They both work together and make good money teaching. Well, he threw that in my face and said, you are the one who told us you wanted to work with us. I said, yes, if I felt better, but I have told you that I have gotten worse since june and now have nerve problems in my hands and arms that have gotten terrible. He said, well you made me feel guilty telling me you needed a job and I didn't have a job for you. I said I did not make you feel guilty, I said that in the future I might want to look into getting a job there if I feel better. I had lost weight and thought that maybe by the end of summer if I exercised and felt better I could do it. That didn't happen of course. I got worser than ever. He then started saying that the job was easy. All I had to do was sit there and do a little paperwork. My mom had actually told me a few weeks ago that there was a secretarial job that I might could do, but I told her then that right now I was not able to, but that if I improved I would let her know. She was tactful enough to let it go. I guess I overreacted. I started bawling and made him feel bad. I turned beet red. I guess my bp shot sky high. He and mom said I had broken out in hives on my neck. I figure it was just blushing. I usually only break out in hives in the sun. I was so upset. I came home and cried for hours and now my eyes are swollen. I guess the thing that hit me was that at my most vulnerable point he threw the "you just need a job" thing at me. i am so sick of this. Don't people think I know that? I feel guilty enough that I am a weight on my husband's shoulder and don't contribute. I know this is all my fault. I know that our financial situation is all my fault. i don't need to hear it from anyone else. I beat mysefl enough over it. After he felt bad my brother said he would lend us the money. I said no way. Never. If we can't fix this ourselves it won't be fixed. Like I need him throwing it in my face every time I buy something for my child that I owe him money or that I need to spend wisely. I appreciate the offer, but no way. I know how he feels about me and my "sickness". The same way everyone I know feels: I am not that sick and I could make myself do more. Let's just face it, isn't taht what they all think? I am sick of it. Thanks for listening. I can't type anymore. I shoudl be ashamed of mysefl for tying this much. I guess if I can type this much I can get a job. My hands hurt, but I got it done.