My family Wrote me a bad letter

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by willruthie1965, Apr 1, 2009.

  1. willruthie1965

    willruthie1965 New Member

    It is one thing to have people think you are faking but another for them to harass you and call you a liar,cheat,and thief. I don't even recieve ssd yet. I am struggling with this illness and the mental part of this illness is as bad or worse than physical. Does anyone else loose famly members over this illness? Ruthie
  2. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    Why would your family write you a letter?
    I agree the mental part is very hard to deal with. This dd does all kinds of weird things with your thinking and emotions.

    Lots of us lose family and friends with this. I feel like a stranger with my family and right now it seems like out of sight out of mind. Everyone got an invite to an Easter party and asked if I did(nope) so guess that means I wont see my grankkids for Easter. The party is 45mins away and Im done going to things and paying the price. Senseory overload for hrs is not my thing.

    If they write you again,dont open send back.
    jen
  3. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    Yes, I've had nasty phone calls and letters all calling me a liar and a fake. They are evil, selfish and selfcentered worms that really do not belong breathing and breeding on this earth. But unfortunately, they are here.

    If it gets bad, throw out their letters. You can write them one reply and say that you are sorry they feel this way, but they are wrong and one day they will see that. In the meantime, tell them you no longer want any contact with them. Cut them off. I know it's scary and horrible, but they are only going to make you worse.
  4. willruthie1965

    willruthie1965 New Member

    My brother n law is mad because they lived near my dad for 20 years. When my mom died they helped alot. I was very grateful they were there. My dad 83 decides to move to Florida. Somehow even though I live in mo they think I talked him into it. Why I don't know.So basically this monster who is my brother n law wrote a note saying I was faking my illness,I wasn't a productive person in this society.

    I got blamed for my dad chosing to give me a few books.They act like they own him. I live 45 minutes away from my dad.So I would chose for a couple times a year for him to spend a week with me. This was better than me driving that far especially with the illness and not driving.
  5. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    You know that part of your family is totally unreasonable anyway, so no surprise they think you're being whatever it is they think. Have the big "whatever" attitude with them - it's not like their rational in their thoughts anyway.

    Not that it's important, but I didn't understand your last paragraph - you live in MO..then you said you live 45 min from your Dad (but your Dad lives in Florida?)

    Really, it sounds like they've got some issues that are not related to your illness - so they've found a way to attack your character. I think it has little to do with having FM/CFS or not. It's a way to get to you. Don't let it!! Refuse to. If you do, it takes the power away from them.
  6. sorekitty

    sorekitty New Member

    Hi Ruthie,
    I am really sorry you have to deal with this on top of your illness. My family is not supportive towards me either. Disease or no disease. They just are so disfunctional and if you do not go along with their fantasy that we have a normal and great family then you are out. Buh Bye! I just hang in there and do not do much with them. My husbands family is really nice and I have adopted them:) Just try to know you are better than that. I hope you can create some sort of support system for yourself. I have a small support system but it really can help. Just know that you are the stronger and healthier one mentally. They just want to bring you down. Don't let them.

    Molly
    P.S. I was born in November '65! We are close in age:)
  7. DemonFairy

    DemonFairy New Member

    welcome to the club. After I got the first email from my brother accusing me of faking FM and having unneeded back surgery (unneeded, except for that giant herniated disk that was causing excruciating pain down my legs and causing numbness & tingling in my feet, yeah, unneeded except for THAT) and basically faking stuff to get pain meds, I told him to eff off and to never write to me again. Whenever he wrote after that, I dumped the emails without reading them. Apparently, I didn't get the chronic illness newsletter that said I'm supposed to LOOK sick, too. It's not enough to be in pain and be exhausted, I have to look like I'm sick. This happened two weeks ago, and so far, I'm still feeling that I never want to see him or talk to him again...and we had a good relationship before this. I'm sorry that this happens to other people, too. Since the stress is so harmful to us, I'd say to cut the toxic relatives out of your life. Clearly, we all have some family members who are missing the empathy gene.
  8. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    People can be ridiculous. When my mom died last April, I had spent over $200,000 of my own money over the prior 5 years on her assisted living, nursing home,and private nurses. We had to sell her house and all of that money went to pay assisted living. When that money was exhausted, I had to jump in and pay. I have a business and was blessed to be able to help my mom, however my brother wanted her money.

    Because I did not give him money from the sale of her house he was always resentful, including is wife. Somehow they could not understand if I gave them $20,000 of her money, it would just exhaust her money sooner and I would have to start paying. It was a terrible financial burden that almost cost me to have a breakdown. If I had all the money I spent on her, I would not be renegotiating my mortgage.

    On top of that, 3 years ago, this same brother lost his job and called me for help. I supported him for 9 months until he finally got backpay unemployment.

    Apparently, all of this was not enough - after my mom died my brother calls my uncle and tells him I "wiped him out" financially. He thinks my mom had money which is ridiculous. He knew how stressed I was paying the bills. I have not spoken to my brother since my mom died and that is ok.

    You just have to live your life and not pay attention to these people. It is hard to believe that money is so important to some people. Very hard. I do not regret the money I spent to help my mom or brother but I am glad it is over.
  9. ladybugmandy

    ladybugmandy Member

    i have stopped talking to a lot of family members over this, too. it sucks but it has to be done. we have so little energy as it is, we cannot afford to waste it on arguing. unless you need the family members to survive, i say cut them loose. all you really need is one person in your corner.
  10. pitoune

    pitoune New Member

    And I know a lot about that. My dad passed away last year and 2 weeks before his passing, I went down to stay with my mom who's had a mega Stroke many years ago, to help her. For 2 weeks, I tried my best even being in a wheelchair to take care of mom, drove her everyday to the hospital to see my father and stayed there with her every moment of the day. I helped her when she was down and crying as we knew he was not coming back from this Cancer and it was a matter of days only. I also lost a sister to Cancer (7 years ago this coming September) so I know how hard it can be.

    I live 2 hours away from my parent and all I did for mom just about killed me too cause it was way too much for me but I pulled thru. Then my dad passed on March 4th. Mom had decided to have my dad cremated which was ok but before coming back home with my hubby, I made her and my other sister promisse me to call me the day the ashes would arrive so I could be there when they put him in the wall. Well, they never called me and just told me they didn't think I would be able to make the trip. OMG, I had just spent 2 weeks of travelling back and forth to the hospital and taking care of mom. That created a mega ice storm between my family and I especially my sister to whom I had talked the night before and she knew the ashes were in but didn't tell me. I found out by phone when I called my mom and she said "oh, and by the way....." Too late, it was all done and over with. I cryed for months and still having a hard time about this because I never got that closure.

    You know, we don't pick our family, they are given to us not by any choice on our part.

    My sister also has Fibro but her's is very minimal. When the doctor gave her diagnosis, she only had 8 points out of 18 and to qualify for fibro, you're suppose to have at least 11. So she doesn't understand what the heck is going on with me. She replaced me a few years ago when I got the wheelchair with a friend. We used to spend a week together every years before that but it became to much trouble for her and now, it's OK with me. I've learned to live alone with my wonderful husband.

    My inlaws are no better and don't even call me anymore. They will call my hubby once in a while but don't even want to talk to me and we're lucky if they even inquire about me. That's ok too. I don't need them in my live.

    If I was in your shoes right now, I would just walk away until they decide to come back on their own and accept that you are really sick and not facking it. I sure don't need the stress they have caused me in the last year so now I don't want anything to do with mine and you should do the same with yours.

    Good luck hon, I know it's not easy but sometimes we have to do it in order to keep going ourselves.

    froggy
  11. shari1677

    shari1677 New Member

    willruthie1965 - HOW DARE THEY, I MEAN SERIOUSLY, HOW DARE THEY?????

    I have had problems with my family to, but they have never written me a letter or called me. My mom once said that since there were no tests, it was easy to "fake it". I started crying and telling her that it is MY body and nobody can tell me I'm not sick. After all, they are not IN my body.

    I kept saying over and over again that this is my body and I know how I feel, I'm not an idiot.

    It doesn't sound like your family feels the same way and, unfortunately, I don't think anything will help. Perhaps you should see a therapist?

    Oh - and keep posting here. It will definitely help!! I thought I was alone in this until I came here.

  12. love_me_4_me

    love_me_4_me New Member

    I havent had anyone walk away yet, but i sure get tired of hearing" OMG are you laying down again, thats all you do anymore". "Or I think you are giving up, you need to get out more and get some exercise." I have FM and SLE, but they still dont understand..It gets very old so i absolutly know where you are coming from . It hurts to have those you care about look at you or treat you like you are just lazy.Or faking it. It sucks.
  13. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    Boundaries book by Cloud & Townsend is an awesome series. They've helped me so much with this.

    tee
  14. momof27

    momof27 New Member


    Some of my kids went to a national magizine and slammed me, all you can do is pray for them and their hate, I hate that you can't see the grandkids, I will pray you can see them at none stress times.

    I wish they could see past their own selfishness.
  15. pacotaco

    pacotaco New Member

    SORRY FOR WHAT IS BEING THROWN AT YOU RUTHIE. I KNOW IT HURTS. BUT YOU MUST NOT LET IT GET TO THE POINT WHERE YOU THINK CONSTANTLY ABOUT IT BECAUSE U WILL FEEL YOUR SYMPTOMS MORE. I KNOW ITS HARD, MY FAMILY TALK ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK AND THINK I DONT KNOW. WELL, ALTHOUGH IT HURTS, I STAY AWAY FROM MOST OF THE ONES THAT I CAN, WHICH ISNT HARD TO DO SINCE I CANT GET UP MUCH TO GO ANY WHERE VERY OFTEN ANYWAY.I CHOOSE TO THINK OF MY HEALTH FIRST. IF I SWEAT THEM, THEN I WILL SUFFER, NOT THEM.ALL YOU FEEL AFFECTS YOUR HEALTH. YOU STILL HAVE EVERYONE HERE ON THIS PAGE! FEEL BETTER, OH BY THE WAY, I AM NEW TO THIS SITE AND AM HAPPY TOO HAVE FOUND IT!
  16. willruthie1965

    willruthie1965 New Member

    Well I am glad you found the sight,.You guys have been a wonderful friends. When we get sick with an illness like this it seems you lose credibility. One day you can make it to a family's party the next one you can't make. Nothing to do with the family, it's the illness. People get mad at you because you can't do all things all the time.
    Thanks for being here. Ruthie
  17. pacotaco

    pacotaco New Member

    how right you are! your speaking about going to a party one day and not being able to mke it to another one , a different day! I have a grandsons 16th b/day tonight, but i missed his lil brothers last week. It is all i have to do just to get up and get ready for his..I told him it's his "sweet 16" b/day so i will be ther! he had to laugh at that joke...but I do agree with you 100% kiddo....feel as better.........