My first real ramble

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by cmccoury, Feb 23, 2007.

  1. cmccoury

    cmccoury New Member

    I know that everyone eventually gets around to feeling this way, and today was finally my day.

    I don't mean to ramble on endlessly, but it is therapeutic for me to talk about it, so anyone who reads this-thanks for listening.

    I am new to this message board-I figured that it would be helpful for me to talk to people who really get what is happening.

    I have had Fibromyalgia for 5 years.

    I believe it started with traumatic events and surgeries that followed directly after the birth of my son. I am 29 now.

    I noticed a lot of pain about six months after he was born in my back.

    I went to a chiropractor first- who gave adjustments that helped-kinda a quick fix-but it helped for a while.

    Then my doctor sent me to a rheumatologist, who diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia.

    I was grateful that it was a non life threatening disease. Little did I know though how much my life was about to change.

    I tried a couple of things that were supposed to make me sleep better, but I felt so out of it when I woke up I found it difficult to be sharp around my son-who at the time was less than a year old.

    I stopped taking it and figured that I would just tough it out. So I have been doing that for a while now. And toughing it out is not working.

    In fact, it is getting harder to do. I realised today, that I have hit my pain threshold, and my breaking point. Emotionally, physically. I couldn't sleep last night because I was in so much pain. I have had a couple of crying spells today, and just feel defeated.

    I also realise that I may have to not be so anti drugs now. I went to the doctor this afternoon-currently I am in the process of going to the Fibromyalgia clinic at OHSU-but my appt. isn't until April-the doctor that referred me to the clinic wasn't there today, so I saw someone I didn't know-and she looked at me like I was a foreign object as I was describing how I was hurting.

    She looked over the blood results that I got done a couple weeks ago, and said there really wasn't anything that know the drill. "Well, hon, I don't know much about Fibromyalgia"... SO she prescribed Prozac and 800 mg of ibuprofin. Prozac....I understand the concept, and what she was saying about seratonin levels and stuff, and it made sense- but I immediately said that I didn't need Prozac.

    I am not depressed about my life-it is my symptoms. Then I realized that that happy pain free girl is probably never coming back, and I shouldn't be so defensive and resistive. She reassured me she wasn't a pill pusher-not what I was implying... I realized that I am a different person now, and it just might take something like that to get me back on track to feeling like my old self.

    Has anyone taken this drug, and did it help?? I am worried about side effects. Maybe I have been living in denial thinking that I can overcome this alone. I see how much other people with this condition can suffer so much more-and I feel like I shouldn't be complaining, I should be grateful that I can get out of bed, and do things.

    Even when I hurt a lot, I do stuff anyway, and push myself because I want to live life and not let this control me. But the more I resist the more it is taking over. And I hate it. I was imagining this morning that this is my life now. For the rest of my life. There is no cure.

    It is not going away. It can be managed-but it won't completely go away. The fact that maybe I can't have any more children, because I will not be as good of a mom like they deserve because of this. The fact that childbirth and the aftermath caused this.

    The fact that I grouch at the people I love and take my frustration out on them. The fact that I get tired, and sore over this littlest of things. Yesterday I took my son to the zoo- just walking around for a couple of hours-there was hardly anyone there yesterday, because this is Oregon, and it rains a lot this time of year.

    So it was peaceful, and fun to take my son-and the payback hits like a ton of bricks. It is ridiculous. Have I said I HATE THIS!!!! This is the first time I have let this all out like this. I am sorry I rambled on so long.
    <br>[<i>This Message was Edited on 02/24/2007</i>]
  2. myjoy

    myjoy New Member

    You said it all, like you were talking for me.

    Wish I could say more to thank you.

    You are a shining star.

  3. AmazAunt

    AmazAunt New Member

    Glad you ranted. Don't apologize. I know for me, holding all my frustration, anger, sadness, etc. only makes the pain worse.

    You can rant to me anytime! Let it out. I intend to. It's good for us. As far as I'm concerned, feel free to complain. Anyone who doesn't want to read it can skip right past.

    Stop feeling guilty for hating being sick. Say so here, 'cuz I'm sure, like me, you have to put on the "I'm really OK" game face out there in the world far too often.

    sending support & thanks for your honesty.


  4. cmccoury

    cmccoury New Member

    Thank you both. What you said means a lot to me:)
  5. findmind

    findmind New Member

    Oh, you dear thing. I am sure this has just devastated you!

    Look, you absolutely must go to prickles website and get really involved in any and everything you can reasonably try depending on your circumstances, ok?

    Just put prickles in the search at top of this page, by username, and you'll find her amazing site on most of her posts.

    There is exact and critical info there about FM and how to help yourself with and without meds.

    We all are with you in this struggle to have a life in spite of horrific pain, so rant and rave anytime you want...we care.

    Oh, a suggestion: many of us (me, LOL) have a hard time reading long non-paragraphed posts, so could you break it up (any-o-place) into shorter ones?

    Many soft hugs!
  6. cmccoury

    cmccoury New Member

    Sorry- I spaced it out so it is easier to read. I was just kinda on a roll, and didn't think much about it all being one huge paragraph!:)
  7. luigi21

    luigi21 Member

    They use antidepressants in Fibro because it has the same affect at dampening down pain signals as any other pain medication, so don't take it personal as a mental slight, and prozac has shown useful in trials for fibro, migraine sufferers, diabetes, etc etc. I tried it made me as high as a kite, but some people really get on with it. All SSRI's cause increase in anxiety i felt, i didn't like it, but some as i say find it very useful, bascially its all trial and error, wishing you well sweetie.
  8. kellyamos

    kellyamos New Member

    Just curious why you have replyed several times today on posts that are 4 years old? A LOT has changed in 4 years. &lt;BR&gt;
    I just wonder if the people you are replying to, are still around and more than likely, their medical situations are far from where they were 4 years ago.&lt;BR&gt;

    <br><br>[<i>This Message was Edited on 01/14/2011</i>]