My four year old just doesn't get it. Can I really

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by sorekitty, Jul 8, 2006.

  1. sorekitty

    sorekitty New Member

    expect him to? Today my husband went hiking with a couple of friends. So I had to get up at 6 a.m. with our son today since my husband usually gets up early with him. We went out on a nature walk with the dog later on in the morning and then came home for lunch. I did a few chores and then felt exhausted. So I layed down while my son played. I told him I needed a nap and I went upstairs and he did too and was playing in his room a little while. But then he came in my room. I asked him to lay with me. He said "No". He just stood on the bed and was rolling around on me and getting up and falling on me etc, etc. I have tried many times(within the past few weeks) to explain that mommy is ill. "I get really tired and my muscles and bones hurt". After he hurts me he says sorry and kisses the area to make me feel better(lol) I just needed a small nap not a long fake nap! Uggh. I'm just venting. I wish he were the kind of kid that could nap or rest with his mommy. He has never been that way!
    Okay gotta go he has just climbed on my lap while I type!!!!!
  2. KMD90603

    KMD90603 New Member

    I have a 5-year old so I can definitely relate to what you are going through. He's a wonderful child with loads of energy. I've tried explaining to him that mommy is sick. I'll refer to a time when he was sick and how he felt really tired and just wanted to sleep on the couch. And then I'll tell him that is how mommy feels.

    I also make it a point to tell him that mommy wants to play with him, but in order to do that I need to rest first. Usually if he knows that there'll be a good payoff, he'll entertain himself while I lay on the couch. Sometimes I'll pop a movie in for him, or I'll play cars for a couple minutes on the floor. Then I'll say, "okay, now it's time for mommy to lay down for a bit." And I'll tell him that as soon as I get a little rest, I'll be able to take him to the park or take him swimming or do something else he'll enjoy.

    At 4-years old, it's impossible to expect your son to understand. However, make sure he knows that if you could play with him, you would do it. Also, kids need to be able to entertain themselves at times. If they're an only child it can be more difficult to get them to do that. However, it's good for them to learn how to play with others and by themselves.

    Gentle healing hugs,
  3. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    I cannot imagine having a four-year old or any young, energetic child.

    Bless you.

  4. Juloo

    Juloo Member

    But that doesn't mean you should stop trying to find a way to explain it or to work out some compromises.

    My son is 10 now, and I can nap without problems. But when he was very little, I'd end up putting out his toys, putting in earplugs, and trying to doze on the couch while he watched a video on low volume. He still woke me up, but occasionally I'd get a decent snooze.

    Another way this would be helped is if I made a (very big) effort to play a game or give me 100% of my attention for a half hour or so before I tried the above.

    I've always had a fairly active son (he gave up naps before age two!), and a lot of times, our personal schedules clashed miserably, but keep trying. Just keep telling yourself it WILL get better.

    For a while there, I was asking a high school student for a couple of hours three days a week. I didn't even leave the house. She was specifically there to play with him while I napped. It worked, too, and wasn't that expensive!
  5. JLH

    JLH New Member

    Unfortunately, you really can't expect a 4-yr-old to comprehend how badly you feel. He understands the pain of falling down and getting a scrape on his knee--that soon goes away--and that's about it.

    I've been where you are at. I have three children, all are grown now, but I can still clearly remembering coming home from work so fatigued, so much in pain, and going straight for the bed to lie down for "just 15 minutes!" That never happened, ever! Like you said, they were all on my bed, all over me in seconds!

    It's hard. Really hard. Really, really hard!!! When you live out in a rural area when you don't have any close neighbors, there are no teenagers around, nobody around to help you out--even for a few minutes. My husband always went to work on a second job (our farm) after he got out of the office, so it was always just me and the kids.

    I have had fibro and systemic lupus all my life. I really went through a rough time in my twenties--had major migraines often. I had to take many sick days from work, which meant that I had to keep the kids (only 2 through my 20's) home because I dropped them off at a daycare, which was 30 miles away from home, on my way to work. Miserable. Unbearable. So many words are available to describe it. But you do it. You have to. No other way for some of us.

    I know many "old" mothers will tell you "Before you know it, they will be grown, and you will have, somehow, gotten through these rough years." But, you know, it is true. Old moms, like me know, told me the same thing!

    I hope you can find a way to roll with the punches while your little one is young--just don't worry about the house being messy and all that stuff--just concentrate on YOU and your child.

  6. blessedmom2four

    blessedmom2four New Member

    i was explaining how God gives everyone diffrent tallents, my 11 year old has the gift of music, she sings often whether it be for church, or a school specail.

    Then i was telling my 7 year old how she can reALLY draw well, and my 11 yr. old says mommy what is your talent,

    my 7 year old responded very matter of fact "mommy is really good at being sick"

    couldnt help but laugh at the bitter sweet observance

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