My girlfriend has CFS and I feel helpless

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by tomc, Jan 28, 2003.

  1. tomc

    tomc New Member

    My girlfriend has had cfs for over a year. The ups and downs, no medical help(although she's seen over a dozen doctors, traditional and non-traditional,)is having a destructive effect on our relationship. I'm very sad,angry and depressed to see this happen to us. Does anyone have any suggestions? I love and deeply care for her.
    Thanks in advance
  2. glendamarie22

    glendamarie22 New Member

  3. glendamarie22

    glendamarie22 New Member

    I just spent about 20 minutes answering your post and somehow deleted it when I hit the reply button....grrrr....

    Anyway, I'll give it another try. Speaking as a single woman, I can tell you the most important things a guy could do for me:

    1)Try to understand. Let her know that, while you can't totally relate to the pain and frustration she's going through, you want her to always tell you how she's feeling and what you can do to make her more comfortable.

    2)Don't try to fix it. A natural guy instinct, I know, but you can't cure her. As a CFS sufferer, she is BOMBARDED with well-meaning people who want to tell her about the latest miracle cure. Read up and educate yourself, but don't push new treatments at her. Trust me, she's trying to get better.

    3)Realize that there are days when she can't think clearly. Don't be upset at her for mislaying the car keys or not holding a long conversation with you. Sometimes, I can't even work the microwave! Let her have her own time to rest her mind as well as her body.

    4) Tell her you love her - unconditionally. She feels pretty worthless sometimes, because she doesn't have the physical or mental energy that she used to have. Let her know that you remember the person she can be. Not the person CFS has made her.

    Hope this helps:) Best wishes.


    [This Message was Edited on 01/28/2003]
  4. layinglow

    layinglow New Member

    I think the responses you have gotten are great. One thing that was recommended, and I would emphasize is finding a doctor who specializes and treats cfs/fms. Try looking through the good doctor list, call rheumatologists and ask the receptionist if they treat cfs, and how many patients they currently treat, before ever making an appointment.

    Finding an advocate in the medical profession, makes such a huge difference, emotionally. Being rejected and left high and dry by physicians is so hurtful. Not only that I have found one who stays abreast of the latest treatments and research. I feel better, and am hopeful.

    Being sad, angry, and depressed is a very common response to chronic illness, both the patient and their loved ones, naturally have these feelings. Openly communicate these with eachother. Help support eachother during these times.
    Best wishes to you Tom, and your girlfriend is fortunate to have a caring man, interested and concerned for her well being.
    LL
    [This Message was Edited on 01/28/2003]
  5. marcus1243

    marcus1243 New Member

    So I know exactly where you're coming from. It's heartbreaking and frustrating by turns. You keep assuring then that they will get better but they want to know *when*.
    My suggestion is that you
    1) try to get to see a CFS specialist. There's some very cutting edge research going on with CFS/ME and a specialist will be on top of it
    2) Failing that, try to get her on a regime of good nutritional supplemements. I would recommend 20-4-ml of 100% stabilized Aloe Vera gel as a health drink/detoxer, ginkyo biloba (1 a day) and either co-enzyme Co-Q10 (3 a day) or Enada NADH (one a day). I'd be wary of supplementing with minerals or vitamins unless you know for sure there are deficiencies.
    3) Check out alternative medicine. The holistic/mind-body approach often works wonders with CFS, because its essentially a syndrome of systemic dysregulation.

    Of the above, I would go for number one first of all, if only because of the psychological boost you will get from knowing that a plan of action is in operation.

    Wishing you the best of luck,
    --marcus
  6. PatPalmer

    PatPalmer New Member

    Take a serious look at this one, It`s helped my daughter enormously. 'Olive Leaf Extract' it`s fantastic stuff.....
    Go into Library and read up on it. Also Mycoplasmas too.

    I promise you will be glad and have greater understanding of what`s happening to your girlfriend.

    Wishing her well again soon,

    Love Pat.