My grandma passed away last night :(

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by kjade, Oct 28, 2010.

  1. kjade

    kjade New Member

    Hi everyone~
    I know I haven't really been around here for awhile. I have had a lot going on lately....

    A little over 2 months ago, my grandma, who I love SO much, suffered a massive stroke. It was a brain stem stroke, so it affected her entire body. She couldn't move, speak, eat, ect... She could only move her eyes. She was breathing on her own but did have a trach placed to help clean out her throat. She also had a feeding tube placed. Her prognosis was very poor.

    She had started to make some improvement and was eventually moved to a skilled nursing facility. We went to visit her often, and we always took the kids with us. She looked a little strange because she wasn't able to make any facial expressions, and she didn't have her teeth in. But she could look at us. And we would all talk to her. You could never tell if she was happy, sad, has been very hard.

    I knew she was never going to come out of this, but I did have some hope. She did seem to be getting a little better every day. She was turning her head and moving her mouth. However the last few times I saw her, she didn't seem to be "there", like she was before. She often seemed to be looking past us, instead of at us. She had been rushed to the hospital a few times, and was even in the ICU for a few days with pneumonia a couple weeks ago. She had come through everything they said she wouldn' it seemed like there was some hope.

    My dad got a call yesterday when he was at my house.....he needed to get there right away; she was in respiratory distress. He called a few hours later to say it was her heart, and he gave the ok to take her off the heart machine, since there was too much damage to her heart at that point. She wasn't going to make it through the night, he said.

    He called 20 min later to say she had passed. I am still in shock and grieving terribly. I am saddened beyond belief that I am never going to see her again, or hear her loud sweet voice again. She was the only person in my entire life who always loved me the way I am....she never turned on me. I am going to miss her sooooooooo much...

    I just wanted to stop in and say hello to everybody here, and let you know what is going on with me in case anyone was wondering. I hope you are all doing well.
  2. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry that you lost your dear grandmother. Strokes can do terrible damage, I know. As Diane said it is always hard but it does get somewhat better with time. I am sure you will have wonderful memories of her always. I still miss both my Mom and Dad but will remember them with fondness forever. Didn't live that close to them since we moved to TX from NY many years ago. You were lucky to have your granmother for awhile. I am guessing she was not to far away.

    My grandparents (on dad's side) lived in another state so we hardly ever saw them at all, just a few times in my life. We didn;t have the money to fly anywhere. I went a couple times on the bus with either parents or aunt. My grandparents on mom's side died VERY young when my mom with very small. They lived in Czechoslovakia at that time. That was another sad story..

    Thank you so much for popping in and letting us know what is going on with you. I know I have missed seeing you around too along with others who have disappeared from the boards (esp chit chat) for one reason or another..

    Little Sydney must not be to little any more and growing up so much. It seems like yesterday that she was born.

    I am thinking and praying for you and your family as you go through this sad time. We also miss you. Come back when you can hon.


    LEFTYGG Member

    i got all choked up reading about your grandma. my mother is 92 and the thought of not hearing her voice hit home.

    but i know mom wouldnt want to be just laying in a bed unable to participatel i hope she went peaceably. love gail
  4. kjade

    kjade New Member

    Thanks you guys for responding and for the condolences. I am having a really rough time with my grandma's passing. I loved her so much. She was so much more than a grandma. I actually lived with her for awhile when I was in my teens. I know this woman had been through hell, and yet, she was the kindest, sweetest woman you could ever imagine. I have NEVER known anyone in my life who was more simple, more childlike, more loving.......

    I will never hear her sweet voice again. I will never have her mushy arms hug me again. Never see her flying around in her walker again with so much gusto....I think I still haven't accepted that she is just gone...

    I realize she was old and that it was her time, and people keep saying "she is no longer in pain"...I get all of that. I do. But I am still mourning so much. SHE REALLY IS GONE! Wow, I can't believe how hard that is to accept.

    I can't stop thinking about her in that hospital either, for the last time. Was she scared? Did she feel alone? Should we have stayed with her? So many questions.... Is there really an "afterlife"? Is she now with my grandma and great grandma and her brother, and is she able to see me here? Does she know how much I loved her? Was she angry with me for not letting her go sooner??? I have a lot of issues in my head I am dealing with.

    Thank you again everyone for your thoughts and kind words during this time. I am sorry I haven't been here much. I do read, I just don't post often. I am sorry about that. I have been going through a LOT in my life the past few months. A lot. nice to see you. Yes, Sydney is getting very big. She is 15 months now...she is walking all over and talking and singing and dancing. She has QUITE the personality! I adore her so much. I am sad she will never know grandma. I think she is the only one who was able to get some sort of "Smile" out of my grandma in all of the times we went to visit her.

    I am just haunted by many things. And now, my family is acting crazy, just like they did way back in the day, when I was always the one trying to help everyone. I am so saddened by how they are acting...

    Anyway, thank you for reading my post, and for responding. Please guys, hug your loved ones tight tonight. Love them while they are here. PLease always let them know how much they are loved....
  5. lilaclover30

    lilaclover30 New Member

    You will just live with precious memories that you have made over the years with her. I know it is difficult. my heart aches for you. Loved ones leaving us is so hard--- You will have difficult days ahead~~~~hang in there, cry all you want, grieve all you want but remember,she loved you unconditionally and that was so important to you and to her.

    Blessings and Gentle Hugs


  6. springwater

    springwater Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear of this tremendous loss in your life...i pray God gives you the strength to bear up
    and recover from the pain soon, like the others have said you have some beautiful memories
    of her, let these comfort you in the days and years to come.

    Take care

    God Bless
  7. lgp

    lgp Well-Known Member

    I am so, so sorry for your loss. I can empathize with you to a greater extent than most, because I suffered a loss six months ago when my beloved father-in-law passed away, under circumstances verysimilar to your grandma. Hospital, rehab, trach, feeding tube, etc. The only difference was he had absolutely no dementia at all.

    I had become very close to him, and we understood each other very well. Sometimes, we could be in a room full of people, and would be the only two people laughing at something. He would look at me and we would both crack up. He confided alot in me, and he gave me alot of support when I doubted myself. He always made me feel good about myself. He was a very religious person, and was THEE only religious person I have ever known that did not just talk the talk, but walked the walk and incorporated goodness into his everyday life.

    Kjade, I can assure you, that with a bit of time, the rawness of your loss will ease up, and you will be able to think of your beloved grandmother and all she was to you and smile instead of cry. You will recall much of the joy that she brought you, and you may often find yourself in silent prayer, reaching out to her.

    Try and remember, most of all, that she is still with you and around you. You just can't see her.

    I will be thinking of you in the days ahead, and will pray for the sun to shine for you again. Rejoice that God gave you the previlege of knowing her.


    [This Message was Edited on 10/30/2010]
  8. Beadlady

    Beadlady Member

    I'm very sorry to hear about your grandmother. I have sent prayers for you and your family.
    I hope the pleasant memories will get you through the hard times.

    Take care.
  9. victoria

    victoria New Member

    I really can't add anything to everything everyone else has said, just echo them... losses of our near and dear are so difficult. Take care...
  10. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I know words aren't much comfort at times like this but please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Love, Mikie
  11. kjade

    kjade New Member

    Thank you so much everyone for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. I am feeling a little better now, but still in shock a little that she is no longer here. I am having a very hard time with the fact that my dad didn't have anything done. No funeral, no wake, no burial, no memorial...he didn't even put the obit in the paper cuz he said it's too expensive.
    I think you have closure when you go through a funeral. And this just seems odd to me.

    My family is also in crisis. No one is speaking to each other and it's breaking my heart. Long story...but while she was sick, some family members didn't agree with my dad's decisions, and they stopped talking to him. Because I was talking to him daily, I think others think I "took sides" or something, so those people stopped talking to me too. It caused so much tension that anytime we see each other, it is awkward, and no one is talking about her or her death at all. It is SO unhealthy, and my heart is breaking over it.

    Laura, I am so sorry about your FIL. I am very close to mine too, so I can only imagine how sad you must have been when he passed. I dread the day we lose my FIL....he is an angel to us, and I just don't know what we will do without him. Thank you for such kind and encouraging words.

    It will be hard over the holidays; she loved Christmas. She loved watching everyone open gifts. She was so cute....she loved opening gifts like she was a child. She would scream and yell at anything you bought for her. She would act so happy. She used to buy herself things and wrap them and then act surprised when she opened them! It was the cutest thing ever. Man, I am going to miss those times...
    But thankfully, I have a lot of video. So when I make my video this year, I am going to be very busy putting together a little memorial piece for her. That is going to be very hard for me.

    Well, thanks again everyone. Your support means a lot to me at this time. It is very comforting to read your posts. Please know how much I appreciate it. HUGS to all of you.
  12. Debra49659

    Debra49659 New Member

    Kjade I am so so very sorry to hear of your grandmas passing. I wish I could write something wise and powerful to help you with you pain. Even though I am not very poetic I xan tell you from the bottom of my heart that you will be in my prays.

    That you haven't made an appearance everyday is OK, you still remembered where you cou;d come for support.

    Take care....and, gentle hugs,