My husband dumped on me

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by petesdragon, May 13, 2006.

  1. petesdragon

    petesdragon New Member

    My husband unexpectedly brought our two grandchildre, 3 and 5 home Sunday afternoon and had told them I would help them plant flowers.

    I had had some good days and had overdone and was desperately needing a nap after church. I went to bed instead of planting flowers.

    Now my husband says I make him depressed because he never knows how I will feel, it's a different symptom every day and sometimes I (gasp) stay in bed all day. Also griped about my not cleaning up the kitchen when I am barely able to nuke me a quick lunch -- he does cook his lunch--lives on hamburgers and doesn't clean up any mess anywhere. Imagine the smell of hamburger grease when he refuses to clean the grill EVER. Apparently can't see messes or thinks they are my duty.

    He says I am not a good grandmother because I don't travel six hours to see two of the four and don't do enough with the two local ones such as going to every school program and sitting them on my daughters demand.

    I am so hurt. He takes so many vacation trips I can't go on and won't travel with me unless he can drive 8 hours on the interstate with no stops. If travel can possibly be there and back in one day he refuses to stay in a motel.

    It's hard to have self-esteem living with this.
  2. Smiffy

    Smiffy Member

    Why do you stay with this uncaring creep? Wouldn't you be better living on your own?

  3. suzette1954

    suzette1954 New Member

    husband is a jerk of the worst kind too. She is fighting crohns now and he is telling her to get off her lazy ____, and lose weight. She poops pure blood most days and is the director of a large daycare center where she is having problems too. I will pray for you with the hope that one day soon, even our loved ones will understand what it is like for us. I believe that when the bads ones die that they do feel every emotion they gave to others and I hope he is able to feel your pain and exhaustion!!!!

    Suzette
  4. sherri_baby

    sherri_baby New Member

    I too am very sorry you have to deal with a husband that isn't very caring and adds to your misery. You aren’t alone there. I think a lot of us are dealing with this type of spouse and it is something that we have to deal with daily.

    I am going to pray for all of us that need love and understanding from our spouse and if it is God’s will to soften their hearts than it will be done. I know that throughout life we have to deal with things that are in Gods plan and sometimes it is very painful but remember someday we will be in heaven where all of our pain and misery will be gone.

    God bless and (((gentle hugs))),
    Sherri
  5. tinypillar

    tinypillar New Member

    I recently had a blow out with my boyfriend. I've been so wrapped up in my own illness that I didn't realize what effect it had on him.

    I remember being angry when i first got Dx'd, I was angry at my doctor when he told me there was no cure. I was angry at myself for having it. It didn't occur to me that my boyfriend might be/get angry too.

    I believe there is a grieving process we all go through when you get diagnosed with an illness with no cure. Why wouldn't our significant others go through this too?

    I don't have any advice with how to cope or what to say - but I'm sure someone out there has a good way to help our loved ones deal with the fact that we are not the same person we were, and it's okay to be angry about it.

    What we all really need is to learn is how to express it in a healthy manner and focus our frustration on the illness and not the person.

    I go through this anger every time I have a flare - it's a repeating process, and each time I try to get better at it and not get so frustrated with myself. I try to express to my boyfriend how angry it makes me that I can't do something, or that I've missed work because of this - I think letting them know about these feelings helps them realize this illness doesn't make us happy and we wish we could do more.

    On a side note - when/if I ever buy a house, I'm getting a punching bag installed in the garage that has FM written all over it. When I'm able to, I'm going to punch and kick that thing with all my might, and I'm going to tell my boyfriend to go beat it up whenever he's feeling frustrated with my illness. I'm sure in the end we would both get a good laugh out of it.
  6. 6cats

    6cats New Member

    Well my DH and I have been in marriage counseling and things are sort of better. I know he has a hard time with it...The other day we were in the ER because he was having heart palps (nothing serious they said) and he said that I was his stress releiver. I was quite honest and said " I cannot be that. I cannot be the rock. I have enough to handle on my own, I simply cannot have you putting that much dependency on me, I simply cannot do it." *Sighs*

    I wish I was strong enough to be a rock for all...[This Message was Edited on 04/10/2007]
  7. kjfms

    kjfms Member

    rough time. I haven't any advice for you just wanted to give support.

    I hope things get better for you.

    Take care of you,

    Karen :)
  8. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    dr. phil show....he tore this(husband) an new one last night about toxic people...the wife had chronic pain and myabe hormal post menopausal problems...so robin, dr. phil's wife is taking her to her great dr....

    he basically in a nutshell...said name calling and other thing s are all abusive and are making her condition worse..

    oh so how true...

    been there done there and still get it every now and then from someone...


    jodie