My husband found out about our house being in foreclosure

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by doxygirl, Jul 7, 2007.

  1. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    I have known for a few weeks now that our home is in a foreclosure status.....but chose to try to rectify it without telling my husband.........

    my husband is stressed out enough as it is trying so hard to pick up the financial slack of me not working......I didn't want to upset him any further........... he got home before I did and picked up the mail...( I usually get the mail ) anyhow.......there were about FIVE different envelopes from people trying to buy houses that are in foreclosure.........

    we had to go to the store to get a few things we needed and when we started driving my husband asked me if our house was in foreclosure..and I said "YES"........

    he started driving about 10 miles an hour and seemed so depressed and sad..............

    I just kept quiet and let him ask the questions.....and after I explained everything to him......he was still upset but actually told me he felt bad that I had kept the bad news to myself....and he said he knew that had to be hard for me.........

    I told him the mortgage co wants to work with us and they said they would help us to keep our I think he felt a bit better..........

    then on the way home he said to this what it is going to be like for the rest of our life? because we don't do anything and we don't go anywhere..........he said "I work so hard and yet we live like we are poor .....and Iam tired of it?

    I don't know what else to say to him.....I wish I could tell him that I will go to work full time...and fix everything financially.......but I know that is not possible for me anymore having dd as bad as I now do!

    How do I stop the guilt I feel.......( tears running down my face right now )maybe if I divorce him he can find someone who is not sick and then he can have the things he deserves and works so hard for........

    I know it is not my fault Iam sick ....but it is my fault that we are a sinking ship financially.........and I know my husband wants to be able to go on a vacation once in a while, and I know he wants to have perfect credit....these things are so important to him...........and I am the one keeping him from having them........

    I don't know if I can do this anymore.......enough is enough and for 22 years it has always been one thing or another..............

    my sack of bricks I carry is just to much for me and I cannot do it anymore.................

    I know this is "depression talking" but there is not a lot to be optomistic about is obviously never going to stop being so hard and I can't deal with this ....

    I don't really know what to do............


  2. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    I have a headache and not up to "snuff" tight now. But I just had to tell you that I believe you two will work out of this and get life going well.

    You are the right type to do so even if you are sick. You have a great hubby also. Sickness is not your fault sweetie.
    I still think you are owed much by the former employeer. Might seek that route.

    You and DH take care of each other and have faith. Just do the best you can for now.

    Love, Hugs and many Blessings.........Susan
  3. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    Doxy, this is a tough time for you. And yet I'm old enough to look back on a good many things in life and I know that some of the best things came to me in hard times as long as I stood tall and kept the faith.

    There may still be things you can do. First of all, dump the self-pity. Been there, done that and it did no good at all. (If that made you angry, good. Better than depressed.) You're sick, not a malingerer and it sounds as if you have a wonderful husband by your side. Two heads are better than one and you're blessed with two good ones.

    I hope you don't feel I'm being condescending. I don't know the history of your situation but have you and your husband sat down and gone over your finances together? It sounds as if you try to shelter him at a cost to yourself. Instead let him be your partner in finding a solution. Have you each made a note of every thing you bought for a month? EVERYthing. At the end of that time you'll be almost sure to see ways you can save money. Again, I don't have the details but maybe you'd even be happier in a less expensive house. Look beyond old expectations to what you actually need. In this country most of us, even those with not a lot of money, are so blessed by comparison to many places in the world. We've lost track of what we actually NEED and what we think we must have. Not the same at all.

    Most of all, don't think of this as Forever; it's only Right Now. I have a feeling you're going to be just fine, maybe better than ever.

    Good luck to you both.


  4. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    Just wondering;

    Are you not feeling anybetter from the ABX treatments?? You are treating for lymes right??

    I understand how you feel about your hubby who's working so hard. Mine too burns himself out with work, and then comes home and helps me out.

    Now that i've started Dr. with Dr outside of the insurance net work, and the bills are rolling in, it's kinda scary.

    You both sound like you love each other, don't give up, keep talking with each other and working on solutions.

  5. jmq

    jmq New Member

    I just had to send you an EXTRA BIG (((((HUG))))))). My heart is breaking for you right now.

    I know how you feel. I have been the bread winner for most of my marriage and now my dh is not only carrying the financial burdon, but having to take care of me and our child. He works over time and weekends. I never feel like "fooling around" . I have all that guilt too.

    The wonderful thing is that our friendship and love is stronger than ever. It is going to be our 25th anniversary next March. I found that honesty is the only way. I know you do not want to worry him, but two heads is better than one.

    I will keep you in my prayers. You are so kind and loving to all of us when we need you. Let us be here for you at this time of need. Give a hug to your hubby from all of us too. They should have a support site for our spouses and significant others.

    Love ya,
  6. harmony21

    harmony21 New Member

    I too have a breaking heart for you too....

    Please dont blame yourself it could easy be the reverse and then what???

    Know the economy is NOT going well for the people of our status it doesnt matter how often we are told by the government that it is......ITS NOT We have to work so hard for so little in the end

    Iam sure you will work things out the way they have to be

    please take care, I cant think anymore

    love n hugs and let the angels watch over you all

  7. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    you should just have the dr fill out the form...most of them have it already in their offices or you can call the 1800# or you local number for them to mail you or fax you the form to be completed by the dr...and a small section by you..

    you can get up to 52 weeks worth of sdi, and also apply for your ssdi if you already haven't.

    and if you have to force and crawl out of bed for the exta w/not affect your ssdi and/or you sdi....

    that is what i had to do at may want to go thru a temp agency....but do not tell them you have a disability period...maybe this w/help you thru some of the hardship.

    check w/churches for help and local nonprofit organizations...if you already have not done so.

    just some tips....another one is you may get your pg&e paid for up to a certain amount...every dollar helps..

    i need to do that myself...w/the pg and me about 300.00 funds p/year depending on size of family....

    oh if you get laid off if you do a temp job apply for the unemployment...done it while i applied for ssdi...i got the money and won my case...

  8. suzetal

    suzetal New Member

    I also do not know your whole situation.But I also think that if you have had your home for a while .Your children are grown .Maybe it is time to down size to lesson the burden on your husband. It sounds like you have a very very special man there and you need to include him in everything.

    Its not time for divorce its time to put your heads and hearts together.You need to work as a team.Do not hide things from him he is your partner for better or worst in sickness and in heath.

    Maybe you can do like we did last month.We were short to pay my heath insurance bill by 200.00 dollars.We started going through the house and everything we had not used or worn in a year we sold at a tag - yard sale .

    On that Saturday morning from 9 am to 2 pm (all I could handle physically) we made close to 400.00 more than enough to pay my insurance bill.We had tons of clothes some with tags still on I marked it all 1.00 each we sold every piece of clothing.

    If you do this to make money to pay your mortgage remember price low sell lots more. Those dollar bills ad up fast.Oh and I am sure you are like me and have lots of DVDS you have already watched at least twice you would not believe how fast they sell at two dollars a pop.

    Hey thats enough from me.

    Put your heads together and you will come up with a solution .I think most couples do after they remember they are a team and can do it working together.

    Good luck Doxy to you and your husband .I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and send good vibes your way.

    PS: Sorry I have another.Talk to the morgage company and or bank some will allow you to pay just the interest and no principal for a few months till you can get on your feet.They will add the principal to the end of your note but hey that may be a few years away right and you just might be better off by then.
    [This Message was Edited on 07/09/2007]
  9. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    Susan, Marta, Misty, Atiledsn, JMQ, Connie, Jodie, and Sueztal........

    thank you so much for each one of your posts to me......and want you to know how much it means to me to have your support and suggestions.....

    you are all I really have to lean on........and I dont know what I would do without you all..........

    me and my heart say "thank you" so much!!!!!!!!!!

    love and hugs
  10. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    Hi Doxy,

    So sorry, I just wrote you a fairly long post and I pushed the wrong key and it went POOF and disappeared. I am not going to write it all over again.

    Just wanted to tell you how sorry I am to hear your situation. My daughter has a similar situation but she is now divorced, and is living or trying to with the two youngest sons. She is having so many problems plus one child his alot of LD's and the little one, 5 has leukemia. She is always having problems with the lack of money. However, she didn't get much either when she lived with her x- husband. I try to send her some when I can. You are very lucky that you do have a loving husband and that sweet little grandson I just saw on your bio.. Yes, two heads ARE better than one.

    There were so many good pieces of good advice on this thread. I can't think of anything else and I know it is hard not to get depressed, but it does little good to do so, as Marta and others have said. I know it is very difficult .

    You might start looking into apartments just in case. I am sure there are some that will take pets but you just have to pay a deposit in case of carpet damage when and if you leave there. That would save you money if you HAD to leave.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    God Bless you Doxy, ((((DOXY)))

    Granni (Marilyn)