My Husband is considering going to Afganistan

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by kirbycat, Aug 14, 2006.

  1. kirbycat

    kirbycat New Member

    I'm feeling alittle blue tonight, my husband is an electrician and makes decent money. I am a Registered Nurse in my well life and I made real good money. Now that I can no longer work, things are real tight. I lost making about $100,000 in the past year.

    He came home tonight and is talking about going to Afganistan for 1 year. He will make about $150,000 tax free money over there. But I am so afraid for him. It is so dangerous and unpredictable. The money would be great but at what cost? He will be in danger, I will be alone.

    What would you all do in my situation. I feel so guilty for not being able to work. I thought that they would carry me out of the emergency room feet first before I'd ever quit work. I've been a nurse for 30 years. I worked with this crap until I literally fell out at work. I could work no more.
    thanks for your input,
  2. kriket

    kriket New Member

    Hmmmm. Good question. All the gold in the world is not worth jeapordizing your life, but sometimes you just do what you have to do.

    Have you two discussd this in depth yet about the way you both feel?If not, you need to, and then decide whether it is really worth it. Do you really need the money that bad?

  3. kirbycat

    kirbycat New Member

    He just told me about it tonight. I really have not processed it and all the ramifacations yet. We have not discussed at lenght either. He just said he was seriously considering it.

    Thanks for your comment.
  4. kriket

    kriket New Member

    I will be thinking and praying for you and your husband as you two talk and think out this difficult decision.

  5. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    if not do it, thing you have going for you is your age right now...that is working for you when doing battle w/ssa...

    but for you hubby...nothing sets right in my heart or head there...for both of you...

    even if there were no battle zones going on...this distance is a tough one on marriages...

    so i would suggest some couples counseling before a making a a definitive answer...

    are ther some things you both could sell off or do with out?

    maybe your hubby has all the right intentions of making hecka good money to pay off some bills...

    i wished i had some advice but this is between the both of you...

    i was married to a us.coast guardsman for over 17 years and 10 of it he was in the i got used to 3 months gone a couple home 3-4 months gone...etc...but we did have some support systems...

    good luck

  6. kirbycat

    kirbycat New Member

    Thank you for all of your kind comments,
  7. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    Maybe you can make a huge effort to pare down your expenses and not make this sacrifice to be apart, plus the danger.

    Not only would he be in danger, who knows what chemicals he could be exposed to that will cause illness down the road.

    It kind of sounds like an impulsive decision. If it were me, I would never allow my husband to go there, never.

    I always said "where there is a will, there is always a way".

    Maybe this will sound terrible but if he does go, make sure and get a huge life insurance policy on him before he leaves. If you have kids to raise you would need that if something happens to him, or just to take care of yourself.

  8. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    life is unpredicatable.

    Even so, I wouldn't go anywhere so dangerous.

    But then, I would rather read about adventure than have one.
  9. kirbycat

    kirbycat New Member

  10. pepper

    pepper New Member

    I can no longer work and my DH had to retire from his job of 32 yrs. Our cash flow is tight since he has been unable to find a full time job and we are living off his freelancing and his pension.

    At one point he did consider going to Afghanistan because the money is so good. But when so many of our peacekeepers and journalists started being killed, we nixed the idea. No amount of money would be worth his life.

    Like you, I thought that I would teach until the day of my funeral! I tried so hard to stick with it until I just could no longer be of use in the classroom. Sigh!

    Try not to feel guilty. This is not our fault. But I would try other solutions before sending my DH off to Afghanistan. Can you imagine the stress you would be under worrying about him every day? That wouldn't be good for you either.

  11. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    Wow. That's a huge decision. HUGE.

    Like the others said, I hope you two can sit down and discuss it thouroughly - his feelings and needs, and yours. Is money really that tight that you can't make it without such a drastic move? Is there no way at all to cut pennies? Does he think you want more money?

    Men are so goal oriented. I wonder if he simply wants to do something positive for you. He can't manage your fatigue and pain or cure you but he can provide. I think you can make a big difference in his decision in what you say to him. He's more important than anything, right? I can tell by your profile.

    By the way, Cathy, where did you get my photo?? Clever girl, you.

  12. kirbycat

    kirbycat New Member

    He feels so helpless and he loves me so much, he wants to do anything he can to help.
    He is the sweetest man in the world, but he feels that he can't do enough for me. I have always been his queen and he wants me to live easily without guilt from not working. What he does not understand is that I don't need any material thing! Just his love. But he is now working 6 days a week 10+hour days. I am afraid this will kill him. He is completely physically fit and strong, but he is also 48 and not as young as he used to be. Maybe he thinks he could get more bang for his buck over there.
    We have 2 houses, one we have had for 18years, the other is a lake house which he absolutely loves. I would sell them both without blinking an eye. But he loves them, he wants to keep our regular house because it is home to us and the children(grown). He loves the lake house because he LOVES to fish!! It is our escape. Dont think it is a big fancy expensive place, it is not. It's just a single wide mobile home with about 1 1/2 acres. It is great.
    He was in the milatary and we were separated for months at a time. We got through it then, but then we were younger and I was strong.
    We will definately talk at length about this before any decision is reached. I will not just let him go on a whim.
    Thanks to everyone for your insite.

    PS: I glad you liked "MY" picture. I WISH!!!
  13. mrdad

    mrdad New Member

    I can't believe either HOW MUCH you look like Marta in
    your bio picture! Anyhow, my feeling from your Post is
    that you and your husband have a wonderful and loving
    relationship that should not be interrupted for any period
    of time without the utmost cause! Think it would be bet-
    ter to sit down and figure out some other alternative.
    I found in my life, when need be, I could get by on very
    little income. Finding a way to do that, if possible, is
    a much better alternative. Your husband is your support
    system and I hope he can stay by your side.

    Best wishes,

    [This Message was Edited on 08/15/2006]

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