My husband is getting frustrated with me...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by FoggyDayz, Apr 20, 2006.

  1. FoggyDayz

    FoggyDayz New Member

    because I am constantly pushing myself to the limits and ending up worse for it. I have such trouble accepting my limitations and I have a 5 year old, pets, and a house to keep up with every day. Also I WANT to garden and see people and have a life. He is right though and I HATE that! I will keep going until I am nearly passing out or in so much pain that I become useless to anyone. I know he needs to work and can't take time off to take care of me or our son all the time.

    He was really mad at me tonight because I was out in the heat watching our son play in the yard (I wasn't even doing anything, but it was hot). I got very fatigued, started seeing spots, and then was really dizzy. He wanted to go out to dinner and I was a mess - I did go out though. He said to me on the way home, "You are an adult, you need to accept this illness, you know what you can and can't do, but you keep doing it anyway. I am not your father and I do not want to be put in the position of scolding you and telling you what to do."

    He is right, but, but, but... I guess I keep hoping that one day everything will be "right" again and I can be me. I'm not stupid, I just can't seem to move beyond denial.

    Sigh!
    FoggyDayz
  2. FoggyDayz

    FoggyDayz New Member

    You are definitely right!!! He is a great husband, a wonderful father, and I love him to peices. I don't want to frustrate him, I'm just having trouble coming to terms in my own simple brain with accepting this illness and my own limitations.

    I am grateful for this man I married! :)
  3. Susan07

    Susan07 New Member

    If you won't listen to him, please listen to your body. There is no need to go until you are down and out. I hope you learn to pace yourself.

    Gentle hugs, Susan
  4. FoggyDayz

    FoggyDayz New Member

    Thanks for your reply, I am definitley learning to read my body better than before, it's still hard to make myself stop, but I know I need to. I look forward to my son starting Kindergarden in the Fall, I think then I will have a little more "me" time and will hopefully feel less frenzied.

    Gentle Hugs to you too,
    FoggyDayz
  5. Hope4Sofia

    Hope4Sofia New Member

    I push myself too. During the early day I push myself too much and then by the afternoon I'm ragged. The real problem is when the kids come home from school I have no energy and am easliy agitated.

    I want to feel normal again. I know I should be scheduling naps but it's difficult for me to keep a schedule. I just wish someone could move in and help me get a grip for a while.

    Anyway, point is, I understand your feeling.

    Sofi
  6. julieisfree05

    julieisfree05 New Member

    I've mentioned that the FM Rehab Program at Cedars' Sinai improved my pain significantly, but they also helped me deal with my (significant) problems with fatigue. It's a a "comprehensive" program that incorporates all types of therapy and teaches you to live the best life you can with FM. My rheumy developed and ran it, with input from Dr. Bennett's program at OHSU. Now he's the head of "Women's Health" at Cedars', but still oversees the program.

    THE most important thing they taught me was that I had to "PACE" myself. Basically, you have to learn to stop doing whatever you're doing BEFORE you start to feel fatigued. If you push yourself when you feel OK (or even if you don't), you will have a "rebound" effect and crash.

    Spreading your activity out over the day, and not "pushing" on days when you feel better, will give you more consistent OK time - instead of the ups and downs of feeling good and pushing, then crashing and feeling awful!

    Trial and error is about the only way to learn your limitations. I finally learned how much my body could take at most times, and how to tell if I was approaching the "limit".

    Of course, you can't always limit what you do - this is real life! But, the more you can try to keep your activity level consistent, the better you may feel.

    Pacing my activities (when possible) probably helped me with the fatigue more than anything until the Xyrem.

    hope this helps,

    julie (is free!)

    She's actin' single
    and I'm drinkin' doubles.. -Don't know..but I LOVE it!
  7. mahx

    mahx New Member

    is part of this dd.

    I too had a hard time accepting things. I was always pushing self and ending up worse.

    I didn't see any alternative...spend 2 days in bed...get house in order...spend to more days in bed. Terrible cycle. I tried to get as much in as i could when i felt up to it...then paid later.

    As others have mentioned pacing is important. I finally had to accept that this dd may take a part of my life...but i refuse to let it take the whole thing.

    And as you know, you are very lucky to have a husband like yours. Mine is coming around...before it was " push yourself...you'll feel better"

    After seeing me in bed crying because i had to miss important events ( 4 Kids, church..etc)...and after several times of having to pick me up and carry me to bed cuz i was to weak to walk...he gets it.

    I usually recommend this for pple around us...but i think you should read it too. Its called the Spoon Theory

    Just type that in either on message board...or reg address bar

    Take care...and rest when needee.

    MA

    [This Message was Edited on 05/26/2006]
  8. maggie_d

    maggie_d New Member

    I understand how you are feeling. I am very luck also to have an understanding husband. Denial is a hard thing to let go of. This past weekend I was feeling "good" as the weather was just beautiful here in Ontario and I over did it Sunday, going to the gym, housework, Easter dinner, etc..

    I truly thought that I could do it all, then POW on Monday I felt like I was run over by a truck - thank goodness I had the day off work. Another lesson learned, pace, pace, pace.

    Pacing is hard when you are use to going at 110 mph. We need to continually pace and take care of ourselves - as hard as that can be at times.

    Take Care,

    Maggie
  9. FoggyDayz

    FoggyDayz New Member

    Thanks for all of your awesome posts - I will make a concerted effort to learn how to pace myself for me AND for my family.

    You guys rock and it is really nice to come to a place where people truly understand and empathize.

    THANK YOU!
    FoggyDayz
  10. futurehope

    futurehope New Member

    Although sometimes the grass is not always greener on the other side.

    But I think in this case, it is.

    My husband is totally uncaring. Calls me lazy, irresponsible and not living up to my part of our marriage.

    You are very lucky to have such a caring man.

    And he is right, don't overdo yourself. TAKE CARE and know when to rest so you do not end up in a bad flare.

    Love and prayers,
    Brenda
  11. janieb

    janieb New Member

    God didn't get everything done in one day, so why should we think we can?

    Janie