My husband refuses to understand my depression......

Discussion in 'General Health & Wellness' started by katrina151, Oct 27, 2004.

  1. katrina151

    katrina151 New Member

    I believe that I have suffered from depression all my life. Finally, at the age of 42, I am trying to do something about it. I have become alot worse. The process is dragging. I have taken Zoloft, Welbutrin, and now am on Prosac. My doctor thinks that ADD may be a possibility also. I have the greatest husband, but he does not beleive in depression. He says, "Pull yourself together". He thinks I am making it up. That it is just a cop out as far as he is concerened. I had a really bad weekend, and he ended up putting his fist through our drywall. My 6 year old witnessed this along with the enormous fight. My husband just kept yelling at me. My poor son having to put up with my depression is bad enough, and now this past weekend. I don't know how to make my husband understand that it is an illness that I am trying to conquer. I don't want to be this way. If anyone has any suggestions, I would appreciate it. My husband has always been my bestfriend. I have always told him everything, but now I have to keep this to myself.
  2. lovinlifeinAK

    lovinlifeinAK New Member

    My mother suffers depression. My father never really understood until as part of my moms therapy the pych had my father come with my mother. Depression is real, I have watched my mother suffer with it for the past 15 yrs. When us kids were still living at home, we also had family sessions - as this way we were working as a family to help mom out. We needed to understand what was going through moms head, so we could alter how we sometimes handled situtations.

    We all had to do a little changing. But mom is so much better because though we don't know what it is like to be depressed, we know how to help her and we are still a very close family (my dad still goes to sessions with mom from time to time).
  3. Chrisnufc1892

    Chrisnufc1892 New Member

    Unfortunately depression is one of those illnesses that people don't understand unless you've got it or had it and what a lot of people don't realise is that anyone can become depressed. If it were as easy as to just 'pull yourself together' we would all have done it by now and we'd all be fine. I don't know what you can say to your husband but is there any way you can get him to go with you next time you see your doctor? Maybe if he was told by a professional he might believe it's real. It can be difficult for you keeping this to yourself especially when you need support but there are a lot of people on this site who will listen and help if we can. Don't ever feel you are alone. Why not come over to the depression board?

    Chris.
  4. JLH

    JLH New Member

    and it sounds as if your husband has another problem ... one with anger management!!

    Your son will probably suffer more (in the future) from your husbands fits of rage (yes, I consider anyone putting their fist through drywall and constant yelling IN FRONT OF A CHILD rage ... and uncontrollable rage) than from your depression.

    Tell (not ask) you husband you will make him a deal .... you will go with him for counseling for his anger, and he can go with you for your depression. Joint counseling may help you both. If you are unable to afford it, look in the phone book, or make some calls to your local agencies, regarding free mental health clinics. Most cities have one.

    Your son deserves to live in a better environment than he currently is.

    Depression is nothing to be ashamed about. Millions of us suffer from it. The right medication (maybe you haven't found it yet) and couseling can do wonders. Maybe you are depressed because you have a husband that you cannot please. If he has no compassion for your health problems, and he is violent (even if it is ONLY when you have a "fight" or "disagree"), he probably has a personality where he is controlling, belittles you, etc. Am I correct?

    I, personally, feel that any adult who cannot control his/her anger does have something to be ashamed about. Even if it is to be ashamed that he/she has not sought out a reason as to why he/she is so angry that he/she is reduced to physical violence. The next time, you might be the target, not the wall.

    I am sorry to be so blunt ... but when it comes to physical violence .... that is something that I can not tolerate. I am fearful for anyone who must live in that type of environment. You should not have to tolerate it either, especially when you have a young child in the house.

    I hope you both are willing to go for some counseling.

    Let us know the outcome.

    I am concerned for you and your son.
  5. jh3578

    jh3578 New Member

    I would recommend going to couples therapy. If your husband is such a great man and your best friend he needs to learn that depression is a real illness that it is not something you can just get over. As for medications you will find the right one it just takes time. I found paxil to be the most effective for depression. Hang in there and don't be mad at yourself. It is really important to have a partner that understands what you are going through. Couples therapy has really helped me and my partner. ALso, your husband might want to think about individual therpay, sounds like he has some anger issues. My partner used to get very angry and pull away from me so I know how alone you must feel. You should get yourself into a support group so you can talk to others about your depression until you can talk to your husband about it. It is not good to keep it in, you will make yourself sick that way.

    take care,
    jaime
  6. mojo1

    mojo1 New Member

    Hi Katrina,
    I think your husband has put you through enough already,it sounds like he doesnt want to listen or learn about your depression.Have you considered the possibility that your husband is making the depression worse.Im sorry if this sounds harsh but maybe a bit of time away from him would let you get your head together and allow you to focus on helping yourself to cope.It doesnt sound like he gives you any support, in which case the last thing you need is his very negative reactions especially lashing out.All of his behaviour and attitude is not good for your son to see or be part of,unfortunately as parents our main duty is the safety and well being of our children,his father is certainly not thinking of his welfare or yours.
    Children adapt to a parent being ill in whatever form so easily, a lot better and faster than most adults.They are tougher than we think or give them credit for.
    As long as your husband keeps behaving this way, he is controlling you and your depression, TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE....dont allow anyone and I mean anyone make you feel like this.
    I was on my own with my daughter for a few years as I was in a similar situation.It was hard to break away from my safety net but I did, and now I am a completely different person.My daughter and I had our own ways of dealing with my illness and routines. I still get depressed but only now Im in control and no one else.
    I wish you all the luck in he world and I pray you find the strnghth,courage and determination to take the first step to taking the control back and keeping it.

    Love

    mojo
  7. cgoodhue

    cgoodhue New Member

    katrina,

    I too have had depression. Unfortunately, the antidepressants are adding to what already may be an overloaded toxic liver/body. I highly highly recommend getting to a Naturopathic doctor whom will help guide you in cleansing your body. Also, hormonal imbalances are a huge problem today. Many foods and toxins (pesticides, nail polish, microwaving in plastic etc, hormones from meats/dairy) have estrogenic effects causing our bodies to be estrogen dominant with poor ole' progesterone being very low. Transdermal progesterone cream does wonders to balance this out. There's a very good product my Naturopath recommended by BioEntopic Labs (can find on web). I wish you the best. I've cleansed my colon twice, cleaned up my diet (very little dairy, meat (grass fed only) and cut down on white flour and white sugar and added "greens". Additionally, I've done the liver/gallbladder cleanse you will find on CUREZONE.com and got lots of "stuff" out! Please send me an email if you'd like to talk about some of the strategies that you can still do while on the antidepressants and hopefully wean yourself off over the next year and get your body healthy and balanced.

    Most men will never know how tough it is dealing with depression - it is an epidemic among women. The good news is we are wired to be emotional, sensitive, intuitive etc. The bad news is we are also much more susceptible to depression. Please know you have support.

    Warm regards and much needed hugs I'm sure!!

    CG
    [This Message was Edited on 01/03/2005]
  8. gin-gin118

    gin-gin118 New Member

    HELLO KATRINA, BY ACTION I MEAN NO MORE ARGUING IN FRONT OF YOUR SON. AFTER 20 YEARS OF MARRIAGE AND 4 YOUNG CHILDREN 3 BOYS AND A GIRL(10 YRS AGO) MY HUSBAND LEFT ME FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS --WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE MY SONS 10,9 8 DEVELOPED ALOT OF MY EX'ES HABITS OF KICKING DOORS PUNCHING HOLES IN WALLS AND DOORS...ETC...THEY DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS ANGER --ALTHOUGH I WAS ILL I ALSO HAD TO DEAL WITH MY SONS DEPRESSION AND LACK OF SELF ESTEEM AND HE(THE OLDEST SUFFERED THE MOST) TO THIS DAY HAS HAD A VERY HARD LIFE THE OTHERS WERE YOUNGER BUT ALL NOW AGREED LIVING WITH THEIR DAD,WAS WORSE THAN LIVING WITH ME AND MY ILLNESSES. I AM GLAD NOW HE LEFT US IT IS SO MUCH EASIER TO GO ON WITH LIFE AS I CAN NOT AS SOMEONE ELSE SEE FIT FOR ME. THIS IS NOT A CHOICE 'DEPRESSION, CFS , FIBROMYALGIA- CHRONIC PAIN . IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO LIVE WITH SOMEONE WHO CANNOT UNDERSTAND. DO AND BE EVERYTHING YOU CAN FOR YOUR SON, GIVE HIM LOVE AND MORE LOVE AND HE WILL APPRECIATE TOMORROW. DO NOT ALLOW THE VIOLENCE IN YOUR HOME ANY ,LONGER, I PUT MY FOOT DOWN WITH MY BOYS WHO ARE NOW YOUNG MEN-24,23,22. MY DAUGHTER IS SPOILED BUT NOT ROTTEN -SHE IS SWEET SELF SUFFICIENT YOUNG WOMAN 18 BUT I WAS NOT ABLE TO PARTICPATE IN GOING OUT WITH HER THIS PAST YEAR ,WHETHER IS WOULD BE JUST WALKING AROUND THE MALLS OR A MOVIE...ETC....SHE UNDERTANDS....BUT YOU HAVE TO TALK LITTLE BY LITTLE TO YOUR SON AS HE GROWS. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND REMEMBER YOU ARE WORTH IT. SO FIGHT FOR YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU NEED.PEACE.I ALSO THOUGHT MY HUSBAND WAS MY BEST FRIEND BUT IT WAS NOT SO. I SEE HIM WITH HIS NOW WIFE AND WOULD NOT TAKE HIM BACK--I LOVE HIM LIKE A BROTHER WHO MESSED UP ALOT IN LIFE ETC.DON'T WANT ANYTHING BAD TO HAPPEN TO HIM --BUT HE WAS NOT GOOD TO ME OR FOR ME.OPEN YOUR EYES, AND TAKE ACTION. FOR YOUR FUTURE-TELL HIM AND MAKE HIM SEE A DR. WITH YOU.IF YOU 2 ARE MEANT TO STICK IT OUT THEN HE NEEDS TO CHANGE AND BE ON SAME PAGE WITH YOU, AND TEACH YOUR SON HOW TO REALLY HANDLE ANGER -ITS NOT WITH FISTS---B'CUZ NOW IN REAL WORLD KIDS ARE CRAZY WITH ANGER.I DIDNT TEACH MINE IN TIME.SO DURING THEIR TEENS AND PUBERTY I WENT THROUGH HARD TIMES WITH THE OLDEST AND YOUNGEST BOY.TEACH HIM TO LOVE HIMSELF AND YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO DO THIS.I WILL PRAY FOR YOU.
    [This Message was Edited on 05/23/2006]