My lovelife is suffering

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Girlof41, Sep 23, 2002.

  1. Girlof41

    Girlof41 New Member

    I am so embarrassed to even mention it. I just don't care for sex anymore, I would rather sleep. It's not that I don't love my husband, it feels like too much exertion, and I hate to sound so cold.He is rather unhappy, and I don't blame him a bit. I try but I fall asleep. I feel so alone.
  2. Girlof41

    Girlof41 New Member

    I am so embarrassed to even mention it. I just don't care for sex anymore, I would rather sleep. It's not that I don't love my husband, it feels like too much exertion, and I hate to sound so cold.He is rather unhappy, and I don't blame him a bit. I try but I fall asleep. I feel so alone.
  3. nje

    nje New Member

    I`M IN THE SAME SHAPE AS YOU, HAVEN`T WANTED SEX FOR A LONG TIME,I LOVE MY HUSBAND TOO,AND WE GET ALONG FINE,UNTIL HIS URGES COME UP AND I`M EITHER, SORE ,JUST WANT TO SLEEP,WELL HE GETS ALL POUTY LIKE A LITTLE KID WHO HASN`T HAD THEIR TREAT FOR THE DAY. I WOULD,I REALLY DON`T HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR YOUI FOR IT TO BE LIKE IT USE TO BE, BUT IT NEVER WILL AGAIN.I REALLY DIDN`T GIVE YOU MUCH ADVISE ON THE SUBJECT,BUT THE WAY I LOOK AT IT,IF THEY REALLY LOVED US IN THE FIRST PLACE,THEY WILL TRY TO UNDERSTAND AND BE PATIENT WITH US,IF NOT, BUMP THEM ALL. GOOD LUCK TO YOU,KEEP ME POSTED IF YOU CAN. NJE
  4. KYRock

    KYRock New Member

    I know how you feel. And I'm sure there are serveral more here that do too. Some people just don't feel comfortable talking about it. Most of the time I don't have any sex drive. The main thing here is to communicate. You and your hubby should talk about it. I know it seems like it just uses up what little energy you have left to have sex. But I feel I must try to make my hubby happy. He kindof lets me play the lead now. So i try different things to get me in the mood when I think I have the energy or feel like it.
    Hope things get better.
  5. domesticgoddess

    domesticgoddess New Member

    I Here Ya Sweetie!

    I married my junior high school sweetheart 30 yrs this past June. Dx in 90 with FMS, but think I've had it since I was rear ended in 1984.

    Our Sex Life has 'dwindled' drastically since 18 yrs ago. I'm so fortunate to have a wonderful hubby who understands 'when he may want it' - I hurt and 'cant make love'.

    I guess ya could say we've come to that point where Both Of Us know 'Making Love' is NOT the 'Key' to Happiness in Our Marriage.

    I always shower him with Kisses -'little pinches on his behind'or just a little squeeze here and there, or a 'Nooner - a phone call to him at work telling him how much I LOVE HIM. And We've never gone to bed upset with each other.

    There's So Much More To a Marriage than SEX or MAKING LOVE when you have a DX of a 'Chronic Pain Disorder'!

    It's getting quite late for me; however, tomorrow I will try to research some of the 'Testimontials Of Those Who Live With Chronic Pain and How They Are Coping With Marriage'.

    Gentleness
  6. dolsgirl

    dolsgirl New Member

    I don't even think about it anymore. It's been years!!! My hubby doesn't have the knees for it either, so if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it just doesn't. BUT, we are very effectionate with each other everyday and always. Love pats, tickling, hugging. We are emotionally connected, BIG TIME. He is so understanding. We used to have a great sex life too. When we were on our Honeymoon is when I got stung by a Portuguese Man-O-War and when into analphylactic shock, almost died & that's when the FMS really took over my life. If my husband was uncaring, he would have left by now. He's great though. He also knows that I would've stayed if it were him. And I would have. dolsgirl
  7. chrissy

    chrissy New Member

    same story here. Want to turn me on ? Tell me ' honey tonight you gonna sleep like a baby " .
  8. herblady

    herblady New Member

    my actual sex drive is just fine, great. but having the energy to really go to it is lacking bigtime. i think most of us are too tired for it. cindi
  9. jpswife_4boys

    jpswife_4boys New Member

    I would rather just sleep too!!! My hubby is so funny sometimes when I tell him I'm just too tired. He'll say well you don't have to do anything, I'll do the work. HAHAHAHA Just breathing is a job for me sometimes. I was thinking about posting this but yes I am embarrassed. But here goes.......My legs get so week after we have been intimate.(even if I don't do any work lol) My legs get so shaky I can't hardly stand. Although my hubby thinks "Yea I'm the man" because my legs are week believe me it's this dd that's causing me to lose my strength in my legs. I love my husband dearly and I want to be intimate with him. He has come to understand that there are times that I am not able to. We have to keep the doors of communication open. When I'm ready and I feel like I can stay awake, (LOL), I let my hubby know in not so suttle ways. I will go to him in some sort of way (I'm silly sometimes) and let him know the time is right. This way we don't have to deal with the begging and whinning and pouting.LOL

    Hugs,
    Crissie
  10. Milo83

    Milo83 New Member

    I have to go along with most of you here..It sure isn't like it used to be..Thank heavens, my hubby is understanding too..By night time, I am completly exhausted, and just want to sleep..But like some of you, we kiss, "grab" each other, and do little things like that..My problem is not only my Fibro, but I have suffered from depression/anxiety problems for a lot longer, and do take meds for it..Naturally the meds can lower sex drive, but I've been on them a long time, and always was willing to go, not anymore..I am also going through a lot with my mother in a nursing home with dementia, which sure as H*** doesn't help my mental attitude..
    When we have sex, I enjoy it just as much as I always did, it is just that it is further between..I'm happy with about 2-3x monthly..
    Well now that I told everyone about my sex life on the net..LOL........Have a good day...........Donna
  11. dojomo

    dojomo New Member

    ......And worse than that...no one to complain about it....
    I didn't have a relationship in progress when I acquired this disease. But I have tried to start a couple since, and they never developed.....I didn't have the energy it takes to keep a young relationship going...very tragic...
    There is no WELL person knocking at my door saying...let me support you, take care of you and I ask nothing in return...they aren't out there.
    So my point is.....touch is so important and healing....if you have someone to touch and someone that will touch you...you are blessed....The last time I was touched by another human being...was..... Well,I can't even remember...I think it was my doctor...So look at the bright side or just imagine what single life would be like......it might stir up some romantic feelings.......Best of luck.....DJ
  12. Fairyeyes

    Fairyeyes New Member

    Yes, If we wait until bedtime to get the party started, I want to go to sleep. Makes sense if even healthier folks felt that way.

    Am I the only one, or when you are having sex and things are feeling fine, do you tend to notice your aches a little less? I actually use sex(or should I say hubby) to temporarily relieve migraines.

    Rise and shine a little bit before the alarm, and have "Good Morning" sex, or before dinner. I know we are tired all the time, but if you make FEELING GOOD a priority, instead of waiting, and putting it off till later, maybe you can get more loving-

    As much as this disease hurts us, we can make time for massages, doc visits, etc. We should be able to squeeze this in too. Besides, although I am hurting most of the time, if I let the pleasurable things in life fall to the wayside, I will only depress myself.

    Just my two cents.
  13. Milo83

    Milo83 New Member

    You are so very right in your posting..Guess we all should start to follow those kinds of rules........THANKS........
    Take Care..........Donna
  14. pamela

    pamela New Member

    I'm 41 also in 2 days...but don't feel like the lone ranger. I feel the same way every day, and have for years, but when I do get the rare urge of that feeling I usually go for it, for his sake. I have a VERY WONDERFUL husband that really cares about me and understands. When I don't feel like doing the "wild thing" we just play around in other ways and that usually gets the job done. My husband says that he needs the release also and the touch me, feel me, love me thingy. When we just play around he feels like something has been accomplished. Don't really want to go into details, but I think you can get the drift. Hope that helps!! Pamela
  15. WifeHasFMS

    WifeHasFMS New Member

    or they will not know. I would go to my wife once the kids were asleep and wake her up. She would not complain so I did not realize how tired she really was. Finally one night she told me straight out, I'm tired I am just wore out from not feelin well. That was when I realized the FMS was making her tired. I would have not known if she did not tell me. She is not a complainer and she can hide pain. I would have no idea she was in pain. I used to think she no longer wanted to make love so that meant she did not love me. Unless you are told, how are you to know. Anybody should understand if they care about anybody besides themself. So tell them and hopefully they will understand.

    WifeHasFMS
  16. tandy

    tandy New Member

    No Shame in my game!!We have our fun in the morning hours!!after the kids go to school!!(oh yeah!)My man works nights so for us its the best time.....by evening I'm too exhausted.Works for me!!The frequency has gone down a bit but I would think it doe's even without being ill???
    Take care,
    Tracey
  17. Craig

    Craig New Member

    Before I met my wife, I had a very active sex life, but I was divorced 13 years, she was a widow 13 years when we met. She was honest and told me from the beginning that in her previous marrage of 29 years during and until her husband died of a heart attack, they only had sex when they wanted to have a child. They had five children and only had sex five times in 29 years.

    We didn't have sex before marriage and have not consumated our marriage although being married 12 years now. She just doesn't like sex, has a tipped uterus, say's she would bleed and be in a lot of pain, so guess what, I surely wouldn't enjoy hurting someone, so we just don't have sex. I feel that our being able to communicate with each other, and being able to talk about anything at all,and the fact that we've never had so much of a arguement about anything is far more important than having sex, even though I miss it. I still relive the good times before I met her, at least it shows I'm not brain dead...lol.

    Be happy you have each other, enjoy all the other great togetherness you can have. And don't cheat on your mate, I never have. I'm lucky to have this woman for my wife, she'll even still wear a mini skirt...just to please me...so that's something.

  18. eeyore

    eeyore New Member

    MY PROBLEM OTHER THAN BEING EXHAUSTED AND IN PAIN IS THE FACT THAT I DON'T FEEL MY HUSBAND TRIES TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M FEELING . HE DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER MY DR.'S APPOINTMENTS OR WHEN I HAVE A IMPORTANT TEST SCHEDULE! MAYBE IF HE SHOWED A LITTLE INTEREST IN MY HEALTH AND COMMUNICATED THINGS WOULD IMPROVE. I FEEL ALONE TOO.
    [This Message was Edited on 09/24/2002]
  19. Fairyeyes

    Fairyeyes New Member

    And trust me, I understand how depressing and crappy this disease is! There are times when just walking hurts. And I know how easy it is to get so bogged down from feeling crappy all the time, this time last year, I was really struggling with depression, and when I look back on myself, I see that Iwas feeling sorry for myself in heaps! It's okay to feel sad, but it is so important that we really dig deep, and use our mental strength(which we have a lot of just to cope with), and force ourselves to be positive! It's hard, but when you make yourself think about the good things in life, after a while, your pessimism will taper off a bit. A good book to read, even if you don't think you are clinically depressed, is "Feeling Good: the new Mood Therapy", by Dr. David Byrne. It has helped me a lot. My marriage was falling apart, and sailing towards divorce, when I picked this book up. No, it has not cured everything. It helps me to be realistic, and responsible for my self. Yadda yadday yadda... I'm blabbing. Anyway, I am not trying to annoy or condemn anyone here. I just hate to see people hurting themselves worse by locking up inside a fragile little shell. What feels safe at times really is not. Blessed Be!h.e.
  20. Cricket_23

    Cricket_23 New Member

    I don't have a problem with my sex drive, but it does take A LOT out of me and boy does it make my whole body sore. Once, my back was so sore for 3 days after doing the wild thing. You do have to know your limits. Sometimes it is hard for me when I am in the mood, though.

    Just wondering if any of you talked to your doctor about decreased sex drive? I think there is something women can take for that (like viagra for men). Maybe if you did something about the sex drive, you would have more energy to put into your lovelife. Maybe try to do it before you get too tired. Personally, I don't like morning sex for me unless I can go back to sleep afterwards because it requires too much energy that I can't get back unless I can sleep afterwards. Maybe if you have insomnia try waking him up in the middle of the night when you can't sleep. I don't think he will mind being woken up for that, plus you will get your mind off not being able to sleep. I do think sex is a big part of some relationships, not all, and it is worth trying different things in order to please both people. You just need to find what works for both of you.

    Cricket :)