My Mom died on Mothers Day,

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by evileva, May 12, 2003.

  1. evileva

    evileva New Member

    What a Mothers Day present,huh? She was sick and didn't want to be in the hospital anymore so we brought her home last Tuesday, it was where she wanted to be. She waited until my brother got here from out of state, he arrived on Saturday and she passed away Sunday with us all around her. I don't know how many of you have lost their Moms, but it is sure hard even though I know we were lucky in having her with us for many years. The exhaustion has now set in worse than usual(I have CFS and Fibro) Can anyone tell me if this will put me into a flare or not? It kind of feels like a good one coming on or it just may be from all of the emotion that I am going through. I guess that I just needed to vent a little.
  2. Susan07

    Susan07 New Member

    How terribly sad. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my father 2 years ago and it still bothers me sometimes when I get on the computer Tues and Thur nites - cause that's when we use to Instant Message each other. But over time it has lessened. Please take care of yourself, pampering yourself in a bath will help you find quite time where you can just cry and think about how much you enjoyed her time when here.
  3. evileva

    evileva New Member

    It is something that we hope won't happen, yet we know that it will sooner or later. It is also something, that no matter how hard you try, you just can't truely prepare yourself for when it finally does. I am thankful that I did have her for so long, she was 85 years old. She may be gone but she won't be forgotten.
  4. aryiella

    aryiella New Member

    I am so sorry to hear this Eva. I can't even imagine how hard it must be since I still have my Mom. I hope you have a good support group with your other family members and friends. Take care of yourself and give yourself the time you need to heal from this so your symptoms don't get worse.

    Take care and prayers,
  5. Kathryn

    Kathryn New Member

    I lost my mother in 1976, and I still miss her every day. I don't think one ever really gets over the loss of either a parent or a child. It was nice that she was able to wait until the family was together though. It was also nice that you all cared enough to let her come home for her final hours. Now that your mother is at peace, you must take special care of yourself. She will understand. Your family will be in my prayers.
  6. lorgirls

    lorgirls New Member

    to hear about your mom. My sincere condolances. I havnt been through the loss of a parent but it was very hard on me loosing a close aunt one yr and 7 mo later my grandfather whom I had to make the decision to take him off life support. It did send me into a terrible flare. I havnt been the same since. So,you take it easy. Pamper yourself as much as able.Take care,Lori

    HURTSALOT2 New Member

    Eva, I am so sorry to hear that about your loving mother. I cannot even imagine what it must feel like. I will keep you in my prayers that you will not flare. Please take care of yourself.
  8. southstars_tat2s

    southstars_tat2s New Member

    I lost my Mom to breast cancer 2 yrs ago...I am the only family Dad and brother both passed away years before. I did not immediatly have a was later..after the funeral that I had one hell of a flare..all the stress and everything all came down. I hope you can overcome..I wish you the best. *Janet*
  9. ozgran

    ozgran New Member

    Just wanted to add my sympathies. It is hard to lose a loved Mum. I lost mine 14 years ago on our 30th wedding anniversary. She was just 70. I had sat with her for 4 days and most of the family were with her when she passed away.I still very much miss her and sometimes think "Oh I must tell Mum" when something happens.I have no idea about a flare as I didn't know I had FM then and it certainly wasn't as bad as it has been this last couple of years. Just take each day slowly and look after yourself. Love and Hugs, Ozgran.
  10. kredca4

    kredca4 New Member

    I know that it will be rough for awhile. I lost my Mom last July, she and I lived togeather, and for the longest time, I kept expecting her to come walking out of her bedroom, or if I droped something, I thought I would hear her asking, are you alright?

    My Mom went into the Hospital and 12 days later she went to be with the rest of her family and the Lord. I walked around in a daze for a few weeks, I cleaned at all hours, I cried at the drop of a hat, I felt like I was in a Dream, sorta like it wasn't really happening.

    I took care of everything, even tho I have 5 siblings, it fell to me to take care of the Final Business of my Mom's life and her Funeral.

    I did, all by myself, hubby was living in another state at the time, so I had to go through it on my own strength.

    Then after the Funeral, and all the Notifing of Bus. and the State and all that Jazz, I had a Huge Flare.
    I slept for 5 day's, hardly went anywhere.

    The day's and Memories are better now, and they will be for you also. I'm sorry that you lost your Mom, she waited you Know to see your Brother first, that happend to me.
    I was in Idaho, and when I came back home, Mom went into the Hospital and never came home. She was waiting for me to get back, to make sure that things were taken care of.

    Anyway this is suppose to be about you, and I just wanted to let you know that you will go through a Flare, but take care of yourself now, don't push yourself too much.
    I know it's easier said than done, but you do need to think of yourself too.

    Mother's Day was Rough, and I think it is for Many, no matter what day we Lose them on, it will still be a day of Bitter sweet memories.
  11. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    Hi, Eva:

    My heart just broke when I read your post. What a sad Mother's Day for all of you. My mother died last October after being ill for five years. While it was a relief to know she will no longer suffer, I miss her terribly. Mother's Day was a very difficult day for me.

    Yes, grieving can definitely increase your symptoms as I found out. But it's important to let your feelings out when you need to. After my father died five years ago, I went to a six week program with Hospice and it was a lifesaver for me. It really helped me to understand the grieving process and how to survive the loss of a loved one.

    Please know you are in my thoughts and I am sending you a big (((((hug))))).

    Ellen Comstock
  12. 2girls

    2girls New Member

    Terribly sorry to hear this - of all days. I am lucky enough to still have my mother and we are very close.
    I hope you and your family found comfort being with her in her final hours...
    Again, very sorry,

  13. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Sweetie, I am so very sorry. It's so hard to lose your Mother; I lost mine three days after my last birthday, so I know how you feel. I'm glad your Mom had the chance to die at home with her loved ones around her. As you grieve, that will give you some comfort.

    After ten months, I no longer feel a stab of pain in my heart when I think of losing my Mom. I just have a huge vacant space which will never be filled. I did not have a flare; my Mother passed very suddenly from a massive heart attack. I was very busy with my children here and making arrangements and the legal issues took months to resolve, but I did feel very stressed and depressed for quite some time. Maybe shock is a better word to describe how I felt. We are all different, though, so you may react differently. Try to be very, very good to yourself during this time.

    My Mother's spirit is around me all the time. I think we can sense when our loved ones who have passed are around if we open ourselves up to it.

    My prayers are with you, your Mother, and your family.

    Love, Mikie
  14. pam_d

    pam_d New Member

    I am just glad she was home with her family around her, I think that when we die, that's how it should be but so often isn't. I think it's significant that she passed on Mother's Day with her loving family near. As far as a flare----for me personally, I'm always amazed at the things that I have gotten through WITHOUT flaring; as though when I really need my strength & endurance to get through something difficult, it's there for me. On the other hand, sometimes I go into a flare for some unfathomable reason, when I'm not under any stress I can think of. So I hope for you, you can get through this difficult time OK; lean on your family & let yourself grieve, rest when you can. And again, I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear mother.

    Healing Hugs,
  15. AnnetClo

    AnnetClo New Member

    You have my sincerest condolences. How very sad to lose your dear mother on Mother's Day but how special to be able to leave this world in familar surroundings with those who love you by your side. Please take care of yourself as I'm sure this could be enough to put you into a flare. You and your family will be in my prayers.

  16. jamedw1

    jamedw1 New Member

    go out to you and your family...

    my mom died on mother's day, 1998... may 10th...

    so i truly empathize with you...

    each year that passes gets a little easier in terms of the hurt, but the irony is never lost...

    peace and prayers for your mom...
    prayers and sympathy for you and yours...
  17. memaw

    memaw New Member

    I lost Mom in '94 only 18 days after a cancer diagnosis. I grieved so much and still miss her terribly. Although I already had undiagnosed FMS, that is when it got so terribly bad. I only worked two more years after that. I definitely feel that the trama of her death contributed strongly to the constant flaring. Just be sure you get some recent help on the depression part. You might have to change meds at this point to get a new "boost" from the change. Sometimes our bodies seem to get used to meds and a change might help.

    Just try to lean on God as much as you can.
  18. MemoryLane

    MemoryLane Member

    My Grandmother, too died on Mother's day, May 10 and yesterday sitting in church, my Mother broke down and wept very hard. I held her snuggly and dearly in my arms and in my heart, and with her, remembered silently during the rest of the service.

    I know you will hold your Mother snuggly and dearly in your heart, as she will be doing the same while she watches over her family in peaceful content.

    I hope and pray you find some comfort both physically and emotionally and the strength to carry you through this new change in your life.

    Again, I am so sorry for your loss,
  19. Beth37

    Beth37 New Member

    I am sorry to hear of your loss.I just lost my Dad,March 27th this year.That's why I haven't been here lately.It's been really hard.We had to make the choice to take him off life support.I will be honest with you,I have been having a hard time with my FMS,I guess it's the stress and depression.I really hope you don't have a Big flare,but it's sure possible.I found some greiving sites,there interesting and helpful,just go to google and type in greiving.I also read a book called Living Through Personal Crisis,by Ann Kaiser Sterns,copyright 1984,it's helpful,too.Everyone keeps telling me it gets easier,I guess we need to believe that.I will be just sitting and start to cry,it's a tough and long road.We just need to try and think of the good memories and be thankful for the time we had with them.Take Care! Beth
  20. Nana2Andromeda

    Nana2Andromeda New Member

    Dear Eva,

    So sorry to hear about your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.
    I lost my mother at Christmas 5 years at the age of 63 and I can't get into Christmas anymore. Every year on Mother's Day gets to me because I see all the special things out there to buy for mothers on that special day.
    I also lost my father, it will be 2 years on the 14th of July. Hang in there, stay stong.

    [This Message was Edited on 05/13/2003]