My Mother has Cancer - PLEASE HELP ME

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by MsOnlyMe123, Feb 26, 2007.

  1. MsOnlyMe123

    MsOnlyMe123 New Member

    Another sleepless night for me... 5:00 a.m. E.S.T.
    Devistated and in denial. When my Mother told me, very quietly and gentley, that she has Cancer... I still cannot believe it.

    Since I'm already so sick with Fibro. CFS, etc.... so many other DD pop-in up on me. 10 years of all this CRAP...
    I want to take this away from her ... I'll take the Cancer and anywhere it wants to take me.. I don't care anymore!! I'm just getting worse.

    Ma needs to be well enough to keep taking care of Dad who has Alzheimers. He cannot be inches away from her. Can you believe 58 years of marriage for them.

    Can't type - feel so sick.

    Eileen

    [This Message was Edited on 02/27/2007]
    [This Message was Edited on 02/27/2007]
  2. homesheba

    homesheba New Member

    i truly am so sorry, what a load you have on you dear fr5iend and i wish i could help.
    my mom had breast cancer at 79 and got masectomy and seems to be ok now, how spread is your moms cancer?

    do you have a church to turn to for help? i just am so sad to hear about your dad also. ill pray for you all.
  3. Calleigh

    Calleigh New Member

    I really know what you're going through, Eileen! My mom has cancer, too. I took her to all her treatments and appointments, etc., last year and cared for her when I wasn't working. Now she's back in hospital with pneumonia (and only one lung) and I'm trying to find a convalescent placement for her for a couple of weeks before she can go home (hopefully).

    I've become much more ill because of the stress on my mind and body, and I'm always worried and sick with fear that I won't be able to help her because there's only me. However, I'll do anything for her, as long as I can.

    Prayers of support are heading your way. Hugs!
  4. pam_d

    pam_d New Member

    I am so sorry for you. What type of cancer does she have? There is a LOT of hope these days for many types of cancers.

    I was diagnosed with Leukemia last year---30 years ago, that was a death sentence. These days there is a lot that can be done to prolong the lives of Leukemia patients---and that's true for many other cancers as well.

    I know it's hard to switch from that mode of devastation to "fighting mode" but try to do that, and learn everything there is to know about the type of cancer your mother has, and what can be done. I realize she's older (58 years of marriage is a true achievement these days! My parents were married exactly that, too, when my dad passed last year), but still, find an oncologist you like and trust, and learn all you can. You'll feel much more productive that way, and you'll be able to support her emotionally better armed with knowledge.

    I'll be saying a prayer for you and thinking of you...

    (((Hugs)))
    Pam
  5. lookingoutthewindow

    lookingoutthewindow New Member

    Please be careful what you wish for. I'm thinking no one in my family will get anything because I have taken all from them. I just had a biopsy yesterday and was told even if it isn't cancer it has to go. I too am so sick of being sick. Just when I think I'm better there is something else. I am struggling to sit at work. All I want to do is cry. I wish I could tell my daughter, but I have already been so much of a burden. Be happy your mother can share. I know you have your strong moments that come from the 10 years of crap!! Sometimes all we can do is love until it hurts and it usually does. Hang in there. The alternatives can be worse. Give it all to me, I guess I can handle it tomorrow. Have a good cry, that's what I am going to do now.

    Hugs!!
  6. maryld

    maryld New Member

    I am so sorry for all that your going through...i wish i had the right words for you....we hate to see the people we love suffer.Just know i am thinking about you and your mom and dad.We are here for you so keep posting when you are up to it and vent all you want if it helps. Sending endless hope and hugs to you three.....MARY
  7. myjoy

    myjoy New Member

    I'm so sorry you are going through this. Please remember, cancer is not always a death sentance.

    My mom had ovarian cancer 10yrs ago, and she is fine now. As others have said, find out all you can about your mom's case.

    I know it all seems so big right now. Please take care of yourself.

    myjoy
  8. Mini4Me

    Mini4Me New Member

    I'm sorry about your news. Now that your mother is ill, you need someone to come to the house to help care for your father.

    We have a hospice service in our city that helps people and their families when a family member gets cancer. Do you have such a service in your city? Check with your local hospital, they may know.
    Love and hugs...
    Mini
  9. kbak

    kbak Member

    Eileen,
    Honey, I know how terrible this is for you. It's bad enough to be healthy and have to go through this, but to be ill yourself and have this added stress is very hard to bear.

    I'm going through this right now myself. My mom is going to die in the next 2 wks. She was dx'd with stage 4 lymphoma last Sept. I live in WY and have had to fly back and forth to San Diego to help out.

    Call the Dept. of social services, or even the county health nurse office, or even mental health, and explain your situation, and ask them what help might be out there for your mom and dad. As your mom goes through treatments, your dad is going to need help.

    There really is all kinds of help out there, but locating it can be difficult sometimes. You can only do one day at a time. I will pray for your situation, as people are also praying for me. Hopefully your mom will get treatment and do well.

    I know you want to just give up. It hits you like a freight train. Please hang on. I'm soooooo sorry you have to go throught this!

    (((((HUGS)))))

    kbak
  10. cjcookie

    cjcookie New Member

    qualify for some in-home care that would be paid by Medicare. When my Grandma was dying and lived with my parents, my parents had some in-home help from nurses, etc. It's hard to have a "stranger" come into your home but it was what was truly best for Grandma. Sometimes they can give tips to make people more comfortable that we just wouldn't think of.

    It sounds like Dad definitely qualifies now and if your Mom has chemo or any surgery, she would also qualify.
  11. MsOnlyMe123

    MsOnlyMe123 New Member

    and thank you again for those whom replied. After reading your replies filled with love, prayers and so much kindness, I feel that is what I really need right now. I feel that too much is not enough.

    So sick!

    Eileen
  12. kjfms

    kjfms Member

    Oh bless your heart sweetie I can't give you any answers but I wish I could ease your pain.

    I can tell you that I will pray for you, your mother, your father, and your entire family.

    Have you thought about asking the hospitals social worker about cancer support group for family members?

    Please remember to be kind to you,

    Karen :)
  13. tandy

    tandy New Member


    So sorry for the devastating news~
    I wish I could help in some way.
    I can,... Send healing prayers for your Mom. And I will.
    and strength for you to help her thru this.

    I think many of us have a soft spot for this disease.
    I lost my Father to it many yrs ago. (he was only 57)
    But I agree with another poster above,...
    there have been alot of advances in the treatment of certain cancers. Have faith that your Mom will find a
    cure in her treatment plan.
    sending huge hugs,
    Tandy
  14. MsOnlyMe123

    MsOnlyMe123 New Member

    that so many of you have been through this Cancer thing with your families.

    To each and every one of you, THANK YOU so much for all your support and kind words. I Love You All!

    I'm here by meself in Florida and my Mom, Dad and rest of family and friends - (so called friends, we all know about that), are up in Massachusettes.

    My Condo is up for Sale but no one is buying anything at all. I'll be around later.... so sick. Cry Cry.

    Eileen
  15. MsOnlyMe123

    MsOnlyMe123 New Member

    so that all you WONDERFUL, BIG HEARTED, LOVING Ladies that wrote to me, see my appreciation.

    I never accepted so much love and caring from anyone, because I was always the strong one. But this time, I feel that enough is not enough.

    Thank you,

    Eileen

  16. CanBrit

    CanBrit Member

    I'm so sorry that you're facing all this along with this horrible DD. My heart goes out to you.

    Please keep in mind that cancer is much more curable these days. My father has had two bouts, once when he was 65 and again when he was 78. My mother had stage 4 melanoma 15 years ago and is still racing about.

    I'll say a few prayers for you and your family..

    Regards,

    Eileen (another one)
  17. milnotgil

    milnotgil Guest

    I am so sorry to hear about your Mom, and also about your dad. Sometimes things seem hopeless. Only the Lord can make things right for you all. Did you ever find out what kind of Cancer your Mom has? I had Cervical Cancer and I have been Cancer Free for over 15 years. I put all my faith in God, and with much love and prayers plus support from my family, I am free to this day. And I wouldn't be here, had it not been for my faith in God.
    Put yourself and Mom in God's hands, What do you have to lose? I know it is hard for you with your illness, but let your Mom know that no matter what, you will be there to offer her support & love, thru whatever it is she has to go thru.
    Please know that if you need a friend, I am here to help you in whatever way I can. Even if it is to pray for you and your Mom and Dad. Write to me. Much Love & prayers, Mellie
  18. cristine04

    cristine04 New Member

    as you go through this hard time. come to this board if you need to just let it out. it won't be easy but you have to remember at every moment of everyday that you are not alone.

    i remember when my grandmother was diagnosed w/ colon cancer. she had been married 51 years to my grandfather and she was literally his entire world. anything she did he would likely be doing it too. the way he looked at her was as if she could say anything, even the most boring thing, and he'd still want to listen and listen. anyway, you get the drift.

    it was very hard for him but we as a family came behind him and helped. do you have other relatives to help with this matter? to cook meals, etc? if not get in touch with a local church or community group. there are lots of great people in the world who are only a phone call away.

    remember, never alone!

    cristine
  19. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    I am so sorry about your mom...

    You did not say the type of cancer or doctors prognosis, but these days they have great treatment. Much better than even 5 years ago.

    If for any reason your mom is not able to take care of your dad I suggest you check out "assisted living" facilities near her home. During her treatment, she may need to have rest herself and not the stress.

    I would try to reassure your mom that everything is going to be okay and you will be there for her. I have been through everything with my parents during the past 20 years.

    My dad had to be in a nursing home as he needed "skilled" nursing care. My mom stayed with us for a while, then was in the "assisted living" for 4 years and is not in a "skilled nursing home".

    Believe it or not, my mom loved the Assisted Living place. They were so good to her and she had her own room with a nice patio. Lots of new friends and great nurses and food.

    Sometimes you think you are doing a favor taking care of a loved one when in reality, they are better off in a regular facility. I could never have given my mom the level of care she received at the Assisted Living - 3 nice meals a day and 4 snacks. Daily bath and linen change, social activities (bingo, etc.), birthday celebrations, holiday celebrations, and many new friends. She really did love it there.

    Hope things are okay. Please keep us posted..


    [This Message was Edited on 03/02/2007]
  20. Jordane

    Jordane New Member

    ((((((((((( Eileen ))))))))

    Oh Hun I am So sorry. Bless your heart for wanting to take it on.

    My mom died from a massive heart attack.

    But I have watched so many of my family die from Cancer.The last was my sister,stayed by her side the last 2wks.It was hard.

    Wish I could magicly make it not so.

    But her having you there with her, thru it will be a blessing.

    Take care of yourself as much as you can.Try not to overdo it.That will be hard, because you will want to help her & your dad as much as you can.

    But you will need as much strength as you can get,to get thru this.

    I will Pray for you ALL!!
    Hugs,
    Jordane