My Mother - My Best Friend

Discussion in 'General Health & Wellness' started by donna1952, Jun 17, 2010.

  1. donna1952

    donna1952 New Member

    Ok, this is the first time I have joined a group to talk about my Mother. This is really hard as you all know. My Mother was diagnosed 2 years ago. She has been changing since she had a knee replacement surgery 5 years ago. When she came to after surgery, she was so confused and really has never been the same since. She did go home, and seemed to come out of it. She lived in Georgia and I live in Missouri, but I talked to her on the phone everyday. As in my title states, she has always been my best friend, we have always talked every day. It became apparent that her personality was changing. Per my request she gave her Dr. permission to discuss with me my Mother's health. So I called her and told her about the changes in my Mother, and she checked her out. The Dr. told me she had cognitive problems and could not reason well, but it was not altz. Although she was diag. 2 years ago with Altz.(My Mother was worried about that because her Mother had it). My Mother got much worse. She said and did things she would never have done or said before. My Mother was a very kind person, she retired from a hospital where she was a nurses aide. She was the type of person that would loan money to people knowing she would never see it again. She never talked bad about anyone. Everyone loved her, she was so kind. She spent her life taking care of people. She was used by a lot of people because of her kindness, but she never felt bad about it, only said they were troubled and needed help. She always told us kids, she never wanted us to take care of her when she got older, and to put her in a nursing home. She is now in a nursing home in Missouri. I visit her every day. She broke her hip 2 years ago(while still at her home) it did not heal, so she is in a wheel chair. She know me, and asks to go home with me at times. I can not lift her in and out of bed or the car, so I am unable to bring her home. I feel so guilty leaving her in the nursing home, and stay awake nights, trying to figure out how I can bring her to my home and take care of her. Then I remind myself, that she always told us to put her in a home. And I am ok for awhile. It seems so unfair that such a wonderful, sweet person can be in this condition now. Sometimes I don't think she really knows who I am. One day she asked me where my Mother was. But most days when I walk in, she smiles real pretty, and says "There's Donna".
  2. stick2013

    stick2013 Member

    I'm so sorry that you & your mother are going through this. It's a hard & horrible disease to deal with. It just robs everyone.....

    I'm glad that you have such a strong relationship with your mother, it speaks volumes as to what type of person your mom was. You must be very proud of her.....

    I know it's hard, but try not to beat yourself up to much over the fact that she is in a nursing home. It was her wish, and as hard as this is, her condition will only get worse, as time goes on. Visit her as much as you can, and cherish the time that you have with her now.....

  3. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    Keep in mind what is the absolute best for your mother-- and the best is where she is right now. When she asks you to go home with you, keep telling her she is already "home." Keep things happy. She has Alzheimer's and you may find that along the way she may say or ask other things too.

    Know that what you did was the right thing and she is getting better care than you would be able to as you can't lift her so she's best where she is. If you think about it, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Many hugs.