my mother wants to come home

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by LEFTYGG, Mar 28, 2011.


    LEFTYGG Member

    what would you all do? she has been in rehab almost 3 weeks. she is still weak. she cant take care of her bathroom needs or brush her teeth. she thinks she will be able at home. i have no problem doing all that now but the males such as my boys(men) and my brother dont want to do the bathroom thing.

    we have all taken care of her around 14 of brother has 4 girls(women) 1 son i have 4 sons 1 girl so during my week(we alternate weeks) ill basically have to do it all. i will do that but its going to be exhausting. plus shes dead weight. i know ill have to bring her home. i cant stand to see her cry and be so unhappy.

    the place is wonderful but she doesnt adapt to new things. this has taught me 1 thing. i dont want my kids caring for me. thx for listening. love gail
  2. Goatwoman

    Goatwoman Member

    What a difficult situation you have--have you all sat down and talked about this? What is the consensus?

    My mother never wanted to go into a facility, but there was no way we could have cared for her at home. She passed away in hospice.

    I can't tell you what decision to make, but you are in my prayers.



  3. jole

    jole Member

    Think it over carefully. Even in the best of families with the best of intentions, after awhile the caregiving seems to dwindle to one or two people. If you (general) should happen to be one of those left with this responsibility, it becomes overwhelming and you find yourself extremely upset with the ones that don't contribute to the care. If you (general) should be one of those who aren't the caregiver, nothing the caregiver does will be good enough to suit you.

    Part of this is human nature; part of it is the ability (or lack of) to take on this committment; and part of it is guilt.

    I was already ill when my mother found out she had cancer. Being a nurse in my 'former' life, I told her I would take care of her. Fortunately, she was smarter than I, and insisted on hospice. My heart was eager to be there for her, but my body would never have allowed it, and my mind wouldn't accept that fact. So I spent nearly 4 months at her bedside but did not do the work.

    If you can afford someone who's trained to come in and care for her, it may be an option to have her live in one of your homes, or in her own, with one of you kids taking turns being there. But unless she can do the majority of her own cares, it's just too much and can tear your family apart.....or add to your guilt because you feel you still aren't doing enough.

    Each family is different, and I speak only from the experiences of what I've seen happen while I was a nurse, and from my own personal family. But maybe this will give you something to think about. Know that I wish you and your mother the very best, and will be praying.....Jole

    LEFTYGG Member

    i know all that youre saying is true. i think she wont improve much shes92 but i promised years ago i would not put her in a nursing home. shes so sad i cant stand it.

    i told her she will probably come home end of week. we are going to have her evaluated.when she comes home i know ill be frustrated.

    im gonna message everyone and see how they feel. thx for prayers and good thoughts love gail
  5. mbofov

    mbofov Active Member

    Everyone here has given you good advice. I don't have anything new to add, just that I know what you're going through. We went through it with our mom. She had always said she did not want to go to a nursing home but none of us were able to care for her at home after she had a stroke. We had tried as long as possible to keep her in her own home with the help of aides and family members visiting very often, but eventually she needed too much care.

    Take care -

  6. springwater

    springwater Well-Known Member

    You are not in the best of health yourself how will you care for your dear mum?

    she is getting good care at the hospice, so sometimes i think we need to harden our
    hearts and do what is right and intelligent. Mum doesnt seem to be able to make
    the right choices or she would have known how difficult it would be for all of you
    to take care of her, especially you Gail with your FM and everything.

    Sending out good thoughts

    God Bless