My mum is gone

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Fibrolady37, May 14, 2006.

  1. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    i posted early this morning to wish all the ladies in america a HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!
    I live in uk my mum walked out on my older sis,me the middle child & my younger brother when i was 9years old.
    I no longer have any contact with my mum because all she ever did was hurt me i couldnt take it anymore.
    Im so sorry im in floods of tears now because despite what happened she is still my mum.
    Fibrolady37.
  2. findmind

    findmind New Member

    thank you so much for the Mother's Day greetings, it was very, very generous of you, especially since you have had such a very difficult life.

    I read your profile, and I feel so bad that you had such a childhood. I too "lost" my mom at age 11, as a middle child, 2 brothers. Mom got seriously mentally ill and was institutionalized on and off for next 10 years or so.

    I had to become "Mom" at a very early age; cooking and cleaning and all, plus school of course.

    I bet you are actually a very strong person if you let yourself be. Your life has prepared you to be the loving mom you seem to be, with your 11 y.o. child. I think you will find in the next few years that you have learned a lot in your life, and you have a lot to offer others, experience-wise.

    Could you work with others in some way? Maybe kids? You sound so neat and understanding, with a lot of cool interests, you'd be such an asset to kids who need an adult to help them get through the hard times.

    Much love to you, dear mum, you deserve it so much....

    findmind
  3. janieb

    janieb New Member

    We've raised many foster children and I've watched them struggle, even at the age of 40, to please the parents who couldn't raise them for one reason or another.

    I'm so sorry that things didn't go well for you. My mother died several years ago, but she had alzheimers for many years, so, in essence, was gone long before. I still miss her, especially today. Was lucky that one of my foster daughters and foster granddaughters invited me to a brunch for mother's day. Isn't it strange they didn't invite their own mother/grandmother. They gave me the most beautiful card about a mother's heart and I love them to death. I'll always cherish that card.

    You didn't say if you have children of your own, but there are lots of them out there that need love.

    God bless you.

    janieb
  4. claudiaw

    claudiaw New Member

    I'm sorry for your loss.

    I myself am not a mother, and I lost my mom to cancer when I was 17, so I had to grow up quick.

    I don't really like Mother's Day, it makes me miss my mom too much.

    My heart goes out to you today.

    God Bless,

    Claudia
  5. Tigger57

    Tigger57 New Member

    I'm so sorry you are in tears, sadly you are not the only one in tears today.

    My mom died in 1988 and it was very hard on me because I had to have her taken off the repirator. She died within 15 minutes, so I know it was the right thing, but I miss her terrabily.

    It's worse on days like this... you're reminded constantly that its Mother's Day, its raining and pretty gloomy here today and I'm in pain. Add all of those up and you have a person who sporadically breaks down into tears.

    Mother's Day has always been the hardest day for me. Mostly because my only other relative (my brother) doesn't get it.
    Hugs,
    Tigger
  6. rmc20021

    rmc20021 New Member

    this is the first year I've had to be without my mother on mother's day and I've been depressed for a week and crying every day. The sad thing is, my mother is alive...but we are not speaking right now and the way things look, we never will again. She even told me she's not my mother any more. How can someone overcome that???

    To top it all off, I also lost my husband this past July when I found out he was cheating on me and left me and my girls. Our 18th anniversary is on the 26th of this month.

    This is a very bad month for me. My birthday is Wednesday and all I can think of is the mother who gave birth to me who has now disowned me.

    May 23rd of 1999, my son was nearly killed in a tragic auto accident which left him in a coma for 3 months, and to this day he has mental problems from it. I relive those months after his accident every year, seeing him lying there swollen beyond recognition with tubes every where and most of his major bones broken.

    So, anyways, I do understand your pain regarding your mother and I hope that some day you can have some peace regarding your mother.
  7. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    I can't imagine what you and the others who posted lived through without the strong love of their mothers, but I do wish you the healing and love you deserve.

    Mother's Day and all holidays are hard for different people for many different reasons...I, too, had a hard time on Mother's Day but not for the reason you did. I just pray you will be able to give yourself permission to grieve and go on. It's OK to cry when you hurt.

    Love,
    Sue
  8. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    You know, these things sometimes happen because the person just cannot be a mother. Maybe she felt you would be better off without her if she was not a very good mom. Maybe drugs or drink got the better of her too. I am not making excuses, but many many fathers walk out on there kids and are not held to the same standards as women are.

    Have you tried to contact your mum and hear her side of the story? It could be that she just lost total faith in herself. It sounds as if she had contact with you for a while? Are you sure your dad did not poison her in your minds?

    I have had many foster children too, and I can tell you that some of the mums were not bad people, they just were too young, or had no idea how to parent as they never were parented themselves.

    It could be that not a day goes past she does not think of you, that she holds you in her heart. Maybe things have changed with her now. Maybe not.

    It may be that you need to find her and see whether she would talk with you. She is probably feeling very guilty and too scared to contact you. I always think that men walk out on their kids for very little reason, but if moms give up their kids, it is often for a very strong reason, or because they feel unabale to cope. Often a man has worn them down so they have no self esteem whatsoever.

    Not excuses, but maybe there are reasons.

    Anyway, do feel better, and it could be something to resolve???

    Love Anne C


    [This Message was Edited on 05/15/2006]
  9. JLH

    JLH New Member

    Thank you so much for the greeting.

    It was so generous and thoughtful of you to do so, considering your circumstances.

    All women are not meant to be mothers and I am so sorry that your mother was evidently one of them. They cause a lifetime of hurt to the innocent children that they give birth to.

    On Mother's Day, you should concentrate on what a good mother you are to your daughter. She is your world, and you are hers, I am sure she worships you on this day and does not realize the hurt in your heart that you are suffering. Be the bright spot in her heart, for her.

    You are a strong, caring person. Thank you so much for thinking of us.

    Much love,
    Janet
  10. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    janie thank you so much for taking the time to reply.
    Its so strange that you mention adoption my 12 yearold daughter sophie is an only child & she is desperate for a little sister.
    She keeps asking me if i can adopt a baby she said i know it wil be hard mum but i can help you.
    It brought tears to my eyes as for years ive become desperate for a baby to love & care for im seriously considering ringing adoption agencies.
    You are so lucky having your children & im so glad you had a lovely mothers day brunch.
    Please dont be a stranger im here for you whenever you need me ok?
    Im sending you some very gentle hugs ((((((((((((((( as i thought you will welcome them.
    I have decided after reading your reply to ring the adoption agencies its what god wants me to do so does my daughter & i.
    I will keep you informed.
    Fibrolady37.
  11. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    im so sorry about what you said about your mother it must have been really difficult for you?
    Thanks for your reply.
    Fibrolady37.
  12. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    mimi thank you so much for your reply it really means alot.
    You take care ok.
    Fibrolady37.
  13. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    you so much claudia im so sorr to hear of your loss your mum will be in heaven & our dear lord will be looking after her & watching over her.
    Thank you so much for your prayers please will you carry on praying for me as there is so much heartbreak & SADNESS & loss in my life right now.
    Plus my 40 illnesses are causing me so much chronic tiredness & serious crippling pain im so depressed & im also very low.
    I hate mothers day coz like you i really miss my mum.
    Here are some very gentle hugs for you ((((((((((((((((.
    May god bless you & yours.
    Fibrolady37.
  14. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    tigger im so sorry to hear about your mum that must have been really hard for you.
    Im crying now because after reading your reply i started thinking about how different my life would be if my mum was around.
    Crying is a really good release so if those tear are there you just let em fall ok i will do the same.
    Id really like to mail you again if thats ok we can help each other what do you say?
    Here are some very gentle hugs for you ((((((((((((.
    May god bless you & yours.
    Fibrolady37.
  15. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    you so much for your loving & kind words they really do mean a lot.
    Ive been trying to think of a way i could help kids who have fms by going into the schools to educate them.
    Coz sad as it is my 12 yar old baby girl has fms ive known for a long time but not wanted to admit it.
    At least i can help her & look after her.
    Take care & i am a very strong person i will ring up some schools in the morning to see what i can do.
    You are so kind im so grateful for your reply as its kick started me to not just think about helping the kids but doing something about it!
    You are a star that makes 2 of us!
    I love you & everyone on here.
    May god bless you & yours.
    Fibrolady37.
  16. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    so sorry to hear about your mum disowning you my mum did that when she walked out & left my older sister & my younger brother both of who i have no contact with i was 9.
    She told my dad not to try & find us & she said she didnt want us which still really hurts me to this day.
    I now understand why she left & why she didnt want us to find her.
    She came to my junior school to try to get me to go & live with her but i was terrified.
    After that the police took us to & from school for months it was very scary & extremely unsettling.
    You will always have a true friend in me dont hesitate if you need me im here for u if you leave me a mail i will get straight back to you.
    Take care & thanks again friend.
    Fibrolady37.
  17. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    so sorry to hear of your loss regarding your mother.
    I feel like my mothert is dead for all i know she could be dead.
    Im also sorry about your husband cheating on you.
    If theres anything i can do to help im here for you remember that please wont you?
    Youve had a really rough time as i also have im here for you whenever.
    May god bless you & yours.
    Fibrolady37.
  18. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    for your reply its a hard life isnt it?
    Well i gotta go take my night meds & then its time for me to hit the hay!
    Good night maybeline sleep tight!
    Fibrolady37.
  19. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    you for your reply sue it really means a lot.
    Im sorry you also had a hard time i hope youre feeling better now.
    What a life isnt it?
    I now have no family contact at all & havent had for years now all they did was hurt me & call me a scrounger off the state because i had to give up my dream job.
    I was a nursing assisstan who wanted to do my nurse training my dream was taken away & i had no control over that which made it harder to bear.
    Id really like to keep in touch with you & mail you on here if thats ok with you?
    Im here for you whenever you need me.
    May god bless you & yours.
    Fibroaldy37.
  20. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    you for your reply sue it really means a lot.
    Im sorry you also had a hard time i hope youre feeling better now.
    What a life isnt it?
    I now have no family contact at all & havent had for years now all they did was hurt me & call me a scrounger off the state because i had to give up my dream job.
    I was a nursing assisstan who wanted to do my nurse training my dream was taken away & i had no control over that which made it harder to bear.
    Id really like to keep in touch with you & mail you on here if thats ok with you?
    Im here for you whenever you need me.
    May god bless you & yours.
    Fibroaldy37.