My siblings are making me crazy

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Henahan, Apr 3, 2007.

  1. Henahan

    Henahan New Member

    My mom has not yet been diagnosed, but dementia/Alzh is clearly going on. So far tho she is maintaining independently.

    She had a very minor car accident, she has never been comfortable driving, she has driven since the accident. And my booking moms easter flight to my sis and e-mailing sis the arrival and depart. sent her hubby into orbit because I did not confer with them first, they are only 50 min. away from airport, and do not want to be disturbed by phone. I had gotten insurance on ticket. Anywho long story short, haven't talked to sis for over 3 weeks. Now she wants mom to move there by end of summer.

    Mom knows 4 people there, where she knows a mega amount of people where she lives and many people stop by, call, or take her out for supper. She is not ready to move. I feel that we need to take a closer look at what will help her stay as independent as possible where she is, beit that she is 8 or so hrs. from my sis and 1 hour from me.

    According to my e-mail tonight my other sib is all for her moving. We have not even gotten together with mom and all discussed this. It is almost like hurry she is on her death bed and needs the best in her last. I am concerned for her yes, but want to take our time with her comfort, she is not even diagnosed yet as to anything, and not ready for any move. I know I think I said that.

    I'm sorry but I am about ready to pop. Sib who wants mom to move to her hates to travel, loves to martry and hasn't been to moms in 2 yrs. Mom has to travel there, hence the flight arraingement for Easter. Mom wanted me to get her ticket as she could not get ahold of sib as they hate to be interrupted.

    Im sorry this is long and disjointed, I am just so upset. I feel mom is being ramroaded for the sake of conveinece and heirarchy by my sib.


  2. elliespad

    elliespad Member

    I'm sorry your mom is in declining health. It is SO hard to watch them deteriorate. I was caregiver for my mom before she died, and inherited my aunt when we moved them both from Florida to New York. That was in 1995. It was the right move, at the right time, no quesiton.

    These are very hard times you are approaching and I will pray that God would guide you all to a loving resolution.
  3. ksp56

    ksp56 Member

    I am sorry you are having such a difficult time. Prayers to you and your mom...

    It doesn't really sound like your sisters are too motivated to have your mom. I'm not sure why you would want someone to move closer when you haven't seen them in three years. Her own mom, for heaven's sake.

    This is about your mom, and what brings her the most comfort. If you are willing to help her, I would tell my sibs to 'buzz off', as hard as it would be. Do any of you have the Right of Attorney? If not, you might want to check into that ASAP. It sounds as if your mom needs a legal guardian, such as a child, etc. Something else you might want to find out.

    You'll be in my thoughts. Please let me know how this goes.


  4. bozey

    bozey New Member

    I don't reply much but your post touched me because my Dad had Alzheimers.

    My opinion is, if she is going to move, do it now before she is really bad with Alz.

    I learned the hard way that you do not want to move Alz. patients because they need to be where they are used to being, otherwise, they get disoriented quickly and they don't come back to their slightly Alz. self.

    I will tell you what happened. My Dad & stepmom lived in Texas, Dad got sick, they decided to move back here. So, we bought a small house and spent 3 months rehabbing it for them.

    They moved here, Dad was doing pretty good. He had Alz. & Parkingsons. Stepmom said they couldn't afford to live in the house so after 3 months, decided to buy a mobile home and moved my Dad again.(20 minutes away from me) The house was only 10 minutes away from me.

    Anyway, they moved out on Friday. Monday, I went to "babysit" my Dad so stepmom could go grocery shopping. He was a totally different Dad. He wasn't talking. I don't think he knew who I was even. He was walking wierd, like in circles.

    When stepmom came back, I told her something was wrong with Dad. She said "well, he did fall this morning." Long story short, ambulance came-Dad was in hospital for 2 months and went straight to a nursing home from there where he died 6 months later.

    On most visits to the nursing home every other day, Dad didn't know who I was.

    A nurse told me that with an Alz patient, they need to be in surroundings that they are used too. A drastic move can send them over the edge so to speak.

    Sorry this is so long but this subject is dear to my heart. To this day, I still blame my stepmom for moving my Dad so much and bringing on his Alz quicker.

    Tell your sis to get info on Alz and that "mom" should stay where she is. She has friends and people who stop in and see her and she is in a comfort zone. Don't take that away from her.

    I feel for you that you are going through this. Your decision is not an easy one. Whatever decision you make, know in your heart that it is the right one and let it go.